


I Think He Knows

by princessmera



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, Multi Chapter, Mutual Pining, Romance, Sexual Content, Teenage Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:33:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 46,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22526359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessmera/pseuds/princessmera
Summary: After the mess that was the winter formal Jessica Davis had a tiny crush on Justin Foley, as much as she hated to admit it. But even if he felt the same way, their relationship was off limits. Jessica had loyalties to her friends, and a painful break up she was still healing from. As everyone in Jessica's life warned her against it. She just kept running into him everywhere.
Relationships: Jessica Davis/Justin Foley
Comments: 37
Kudos: 46





	1. Winter Formal

**Author's Note:**

> yeah. so i named this after that taylor swift song that SLAPS so hard. anyway.... one of my anons on tumblr gave me this idea to explore justin and jessica's relationship from the winter formal. and i was like ? why stop there? lets do the whole thing from the formal to jessica's party. everything we don't see on screen. how did they get there? i am curious.  
> so here is my attempt at filling in the blanks. also i've never put hannah into my fics before so i hope i did justice to her and jessica's complicated friendship post the list.  
> disclaimer: uh not my show/characters obviously. otherwise the show would be less controversial and brandon and alisha would be the leads. but.... that's for another note.

Picking up her bag from the stands, Jessica hummed the harmonies to the song Tony was playing over the loudspeaker in the gym. She pulled out her lipstick and applied it lightly, feeling conscious of the mirror she didn’t have to make sure she looked okay. Whatever, she figured, the lighting tonight was purple enough nobody would notice if it was a little smudged.

“So, what?” Alex stepped up beside her, coming right out of nowhere. “You’ve got a thing for _him_ now?” Jessica smacked her lips together, shoving the lipstick back into her bag. When she turned to face him, his expression was falsely innocent and hers was tired.

“Who?” She asked him. He glanced between her and the drinks table on the other side of the room.

“Justin Foley.” He could hardly believe it. “I mean, really?”

She scoffed. “Leave me alone, Alex.” He had his hands in his pockets, his shoulders slumped as she glared at him.

“I mean he’s only screwed like every girl at Liberty. I didn’t think he was your type.” Her head turned to him so fast it was like her neck could snap. She was staring daggers into his eyes.

“Trying to imply something there, Alex?” He shrugged his shoulders.

“Just be careful,” he said, “but I don’t have to tell _you_ that.” With a smug look he took a few steps back and then walked off into the crowd of dancing students. She rolled her eyes vividly. Fucking Alex, she thought. She put her bag back with the others and shoved her phone back into her bra. She didn’t want anyone to steal it. The lipstick was her mothers, and that was expendable. Her phone not so much.

“Don’t have to tell _me_ that,” she muttered to herself, looking into the crowd, “what the hell does that mean?” She saw Justin on the other side of the gym and genuinely debated whether to go back over there. The formal was only an hour in and she had been talking to him for a majority of it, until she excused herself to talk to someone for a moment. He had been really kind to her, and he was surprisingly fun to talk to. But unlike what Alex thought, it was purely platonic. Well… it had to be. One of Jessica’s friends had a crush on him, and then there was the issue of Hannah Baker, and that incident a few months ago. It wasn’t that Jessica didn’t want to pursue him, it was that her morals and girl code were warning her she didn’t have a right. And on top of that, as if it even needed to be said, Alex had already broken her heart over something so awful. She was not ready to be open to that kind of heartache again.

Jessica began walking across the gym before her mind even registered what she was doing. Instead she came to a realisation. Alex didn’t have to tell her to be careful because he thought she was a prude. She was boring because she didn’t want to have sex with him, and she wouldn’t want to have sex with anybody else either. Most boys are Liberty, believe it or not, were jealous of Justin Foley. And that included Alex. Maybe, Jessica thought to herself, she could make him even more jealous. Hang out with the most popular boy at Liberty, who totally had a crush on her by the way, and piss off Alex while she did. It was a win win situation.

Justin was by the stands on the other side of the dance floor, and when Jessica finally reached him, he was mid conversation with Zach Dempsey. She stepped into the conversation and smiled. As if on cue their conversation ended there, Jessica caught Zach making a final joke about freshman and Justin laughing in response.

“Jessica, what’s up?” Zach greeted, he pointed a finger gun at her and she wondered how much he’d had to drink.

“Hey, Zach,” she returned the finger gun but it felt kinda dumb so she stopped. He looked over her shoulder, which wasn’t hard because he was so tall, and spotted something on the other side of the floor.

“Oh shit,” he mumbled, “I gotta go. Bryce and I have a bet to see how many girls we can ask out and be rejected by in one night.” Jessica laughed as he started away.

“Wait,” she called after him, suddenly understanding his bet, “what if they say yes?” But he was too far to answer the question. Instead she posed the question to Justin who was standing quietly beside her. “I mean some are gonna say yes, right? They can’t each date like fifty girls?” Justin shrugged.

“They’ll be too drunk to remember who they asked tomorrow, and risk looking like complete assholes.” Jessica smirked, tilting her head.

“What’s in that?” She pointed at the flask.

“Vodka,” he said, “want some?” He held it out to her and she took it. Throwing her head back and letting the liquor slide down her throat. She pulled the flask away from her lips and grimaced.

“Fuck,” she handed it back to him as he laughed. She coughed until the burning feeling in her throat went away. “That’s awful.” She wiped her mouth, looking at her hands.

“Yeah, it’s… the cheap shit.” He took a sip without reacting and Jessica watched him, wondering how he did it. Experience, she guessed. “You get used to it after a while,” he said. And he was right, the burning feeling from her throat was gone. Now she kind of wanted to taste it again.

“Do you always bring alcohol to these things?” He shrugged.

“I try.” That made her laugh. He offered it to her again and she took it, taking another sip and having the exact same reaction. “Sorry,” he said, “you can mix it with the punch if you’d like?” Now she felt like a pussy. And she was not going to look like that in front of Justin Foley, especially if she was trying to prove she wasn’t a prude. She wouldn’t be caught dead dulling down her alcohol.

“No, I’m good.” She smirked. “Why? You don’t wanna share with me?” He smiled and she got butterflies. It was that kind of a smile.

“No,” he said, “my vodka is your vodka.” She took another sip, rather used to it this time. Still she squeezed her eyes shut as it went down. He took the flask from her, downing half of it just to match her level of competition.

“So tell me, why Bryce?” He blinked, confused. And his face was pretty, prettier than any other she had seen.

“What do you mean?” He glanced across the dance floor at Bryce Walker, soberly hitting on two junior girls like he were drunk.

“I mean… he’s such a dick. How do you not like… want to punch him in the face everyday?” He laughed, looking back at her, then he shrugged.

“We’ve been friends for years. He can be a good guy, I swear. Ignoring some of the fucked up stuff he’s done.” She rolled her eyes.

“What the hell is up with that? Guys can just look beyond anything their friends do, but with girls it’s like… one wrong thing and they never forget it. You’ll always be the bitch who called someone a slut in middle school. And they _hate_ you for it.” He laughed.

“Doesn’t leave much room for change.”

She put her hands on her hips and shook her head. “It’s fucked.” The song through the speakers changed and Jessica recognised it. She tilted her head. “Do you wanna dance with me?” He nodded, about to put down the flask but she stopped him. “No. Bring it.” They both laughed, and he did as she requested.

* * *

“Can’t I just like… stay at yours?” Jessica whined, her arm thrown over Hannah’s shoulder as she limped to her front door.

“I’m sorry, Jess,” Hannah apologised, “my parents would never allow it.” Jessica nodded that she understood, but she let out a small sob.

“My dad is gonna kill me,” she lamented, “like I’m gonna die.” She stepped up on the ledge and grappled for the door handle. Hannah ended up reaching forward and opening it for her. Jessica stumbled inside, she could tell her mom was still awake by the way the light of the television reflected into the hallway. Her eyes widened at Hannah, it was a delayed response because Hannah was already helping her to the staircase.

“Jessica, honey, is that you?” Shutting her eyes tightly, Jessica tried to sound normal.

“Yeah, it’s me,” she said, “and Hannah… Baker.” The couch creaked as Jessica’s mom stood up, she started over and Jessica stumbled to the staircase. She gripped the banister and hoped it would hold her up. Hannah was beside her, covering up the way Jessica’s dress was hoisted to the top of her thighs. Not on purpose.

“Hannah, how are you? How was the formal?” Her mom looked at both girls on the staircase with a smile.

“It was good. I’m good.” Hannah smiled back and Jessica nodded in agreement.

“Oh,” she gasped, “mom, there was this boy I met and he was _so_ cute.” Hannah scowled from beside Jessica, and her mother didn’t look too impressed either.

“Honey,” her mother said slowly, “don’t take this the wrong way. But have you been drinking?” Jessica screwed up her face, her heart began to race as she glanced at Hannah.

“No,” she scoffed, “I don’t drink.” She looked down over the staircase and her stomach started to feel slightly woozy. She looked back over at her mom, “oh shit,” she mumbled. Then she threw up all over the floor beside the stairs. Hannah stepped back and Jessica’s mom was scowling.

“You’re lucky your father isn’t here.” Her mother crossed her arms. “But you’re still grounded.” Jessica pouted, still swaying as she recovered from vomiting. Her hair hung over her face, matted and wet.

“It’s in my hair,” she whined.

* * *

Her mother sent her upstairs to get changed, and prepare her to shower the vomit off. Hannah helped her by picking out the clothes Jessica wasn’t game enough to reach. She was still shaken, and still smelt awful. Hannah piled the clothes on Jessica’s bed and talked to her as she sat in the middle of the floor with a bucket.

“What did you drink?” Hannah asked. Jessica blinked up at her.

“Vodka. I think. A lot of vodka. And maybe some tequila. It tasted, like, awful.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Hannah mumbled. She came over and sat beside Jessica, crossing her legs on the carpet. “So where _is_ your dad?” Jessica frowned, staring into the bucket in her lap.

“He got sent on an airforce mission like last week. He’s gonna be gone for the next month or so.” Her shoulders slumped and Hannah patted her arm in comfort.

“I’m sorry,” she said gently, “I didn’t know.” Jessica shrugged. “Is that why you drank so much tonight?” Jessica glanced up at her curious expression. She was dead serious. And maybe there was some truth to what Hannah said but Jessica wasn’t in the mood.

“Whatever,” she mumbled, “I don’t wanna talk about it.” She huffed a sigh, her head pounding as she sat over the bucket.

“Do you feel better?” Hannah asked. “I’ve heard that when you vomit after drinking a lot it helps. It sobers you up.” Jessica shrugged again.

“I feel okay, I guess.” She frowned, looking at Hannah sitting awkwardly beside her. “You can go now,” she said, “don’t let me take up any more of your night.” She put her head in her hands. “I’m sorry I ruined your formal. You’re a good friend.” Hannah reached out and put her hand on Jessica’s back. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“That’s okay,” Hannah said, beginning to stand. “You should have that shower, by the way.” Jessica nodded.

“Thank you. If there is anything I can do to pay you back. Like fucking anything. I’ll do it. No questions asked.” Hannah almost laughed.

“Anything?” Jessica nodded in genuine seriousness. “Just do me one thing. Stay away from Justin. He’s not good for you.” Jessica almost laughed.

“Okay, sure.”

* * *

The school bell rang out as first period ended and when Jessica turned the corner of the hallway, having left early from Spanish, she almost bumped right into the last person she wanted to see.

“Oh shit,” she mumbled, regaining her footing. Justin, who had obviously not been looking where he was going, stumbled back.

“Shit, sorry,” he apologised before looking up. “Oh, Jessica,” he looked around at the nearly empty hallway, “are you okay?”

She scoffed, “I’m fine. You just scared me.”

He smiled, “oh, no, I mean after Saturday night. We were both really wasted.” He laughed until he realised her expression was stone cold.

“I threw up, and I’m grounded. But I’m okay.” She looked down at the books in her hands, then back at him. “It wasn’t your fault, by the way. I chose to drink that much, and that was stupid of me.” He nodded that he understood, then he smiled. And Jessica hated that it made her want to smile too.

“I, uh, had fun. With you.” Putting on a brave face, Jessica nodded.

“Yeah, well, I was drunk so.” Then she looked around the now empty hallway, and realised she could speak truthfully. She really hated skipping around a subject. “Look,” she said, “I had fun too. But it was a one time thing.” She shrugged. “You seem nice but I just got out of a relationship that ended really badly. And my friend has like a thing for you. So it would be kind of shitty of me to like… do this. Because she liked you first and whatever.”

Justin laughed, “don’t I get a say in it?”

She raised her eyebrows, “no, obviously not.” They both laughed, it was quiet and short, because _this_ was platonic. There was nothing flirtatious about this.

“Who’s the friend?” He asked. Jessica mocked him with a laugh.

“I can’t tell you that. She wasn’t at the formal last night, but I’m sure she’ll be your next conquest.” He made a face.

“I don’t have conquests. That’s stupid.” He was kind of cute, and he was kind of not as much of an asshole as people made him out to be. But there was no way Jessica would fall for him. No more than she already had at least.

“Okay, well, have fun on your not-conquest,” she said. “I have to get to class.” She had to leave before she was a really bad friend and ruined a lot of promises with a lot of people. Justin went to protest but she turned away and walked until he was out of sight.

What was she doing? She felt stupid turning down someone she liked who liked her back. Or, well, she felt stupid until she heard the rumours. Two rumours, specifically. One not a rumour. Apparently Courtney Crimsen confirmed what happened between Hannah and Justin on their date all those months ago, and Jessica started to wonder whether Hannah’s kind and friendly advice was really just her way of keeping Jessica away. Not that she blamed Hannah. Sure, she could have a crush, but Jessica would much rather that Hannah be up front and honest about it. However, that rumour wasn’t the one she was concerned about. Apparently after Jessica had left courtesy of Hannah, Justin had started to talking to another girl in their year and they were caught hooking up outside the gym by some of the boys. Rumours got around fast, but Jessica didn’t doubt that this one was true. Alex was right that he had practically dated every girl at Liberty. Maybe he didn’t actually like her. Maybe he just wanted to fuck her. So she refused to talk to him. Or acknowledge him. How was it that a boy she wasn’t even dating could hurt her like that? Maybe Hannah was right. He wasn’t nice. And Jessica shouldn’t have let herself get caught up in liking him.


	2. Mean Girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter includes gratuitous mean girls references, hence the chapter title. also some drug mentions but if you're reading this then you must know that any fic with justin has to include drugs somehow.  
> also this chapter is kinda boring but oh well. it will get interesting next chapter. which will be a bit of a time jump. bc i got like 6 months to work with here and no information to work with from the show.

Putting her lunch tray down on the table, Jessica wordlessly slipped through the seats in the long cafeteria bench. Five of her new friends, the ones who had abandoned her at the Formal, were sitting in a group together. Since her break up with Alex she had sought out new friends, having spent most of her time before that with Alex, or Hannah. These girls were nice. They talked about boys, they went shopping, got invited to parties. They made Jessica feel like she could belong at Liberty, rather than just stay on the outside like she did with Hannah and Alex.

“You disappeared the other night, Jess.” The girls at Jessica’s lunch table all stared at her. One of them, Emily, looked concerned. “We missed you at Taco Bell. We all went out after.” They were smiling and giggling between each other, thinking back to their late night fast food escapade.

“I went home with Hannah. She was having a bad night.” The girls all glanced between each other. Jessica looked from each one to the other.

“We, uh, heard about you getting super wasted,” Emily said.

“We saw you,” another girl, Zoey, added. “With some of the boys. Mostly Justin Foley.”

Emily leaned over the table with a smirk. “Did you like…?” She winked and Jessica tried to play it off cool with a laugh.

“No,” they all gasped, followed by a chorus of ‘why not?’ and Jessica shrugged. “Well, it’s complicated. I was too drunk to do anything.” Then she blinked, realising who she was talking to. “And besides, Erin likes him. I was trying to be a good friend.” The girls all nodded in endearment at her kindness. Jessica felt like she was living in an alternate universe where Mean Girls was a documentary and she was at a table with a dozen Gretchen Weiners and Karen Smiths. Did that make her Regina George? She shuddered at the thought.

“You’re such a good friend, Jessica,” Zoey told her, “I’m _so_ glad we’re friends.” It sounded sarcastic but that was just how Zoey was. At any point during the day Jessica half expected her to talk about her father, the inventor of toaster strudel. Rolling her eyes on the inside, Jessica cursed herself for watching Mean Girls as a cure to her hangover on Saturday. Now that was all she could think about.

“Good thing Erin has the flu, or she would have lost it seeing you with him.” Emily said, and Jessica nodded. “But don’t worry, we won’t tell her. Your secret is safe.”

“Thanks,” Jessica said. She caught sight of Hannah Baker on the other side of the cafeteria and waved to her. Hesitantly, Hannah walked over and Jessica shuffled over for Hannah to sit beside her. The girls all glared at her, and Jessica shrugged. “What? She’s nice.”

“Hey, Jess, how are you feeling?” Hannah slid into the seat beside her.

“Much better,” she said, picking a carrot off of her tray and biting the end with much emphasis.

Hannah frowned, trying to be gentle. “I’m guessing you heard the rumours?”

“Oh, I heard them. You were right. He is an asshole.” Hannah sighed and shrugged her shoulders.

“That’s one of my many gifts to the world.” They shared a small laugh and the other girls leaned in.

“What rumour?” Emily asked. Jessica turned her scowl to the group.

“At the formal. Apparently after Hannah and I left, Justin found another girl to hook up with outside the gym.” The girls scoffed, chorusing complaints that the girl was such a slut for doing that, and a bitch for knowing he and Jessica had been a thing that night. Hannah and Jessica looked between each other. Concerned.

“We had better not tell Erin about this,” Zoey said, “I mean they’re like practically dating. Remember when he said hi to her in the hall last week. God, he’s so close to asking her out.”

Hannah leaned in to Jessica and whispered, “so these are your new friends, huh?”

Jessica was scowling, “what? They know how to have fun.” Hannah laughed mockingly.

“Sure, okay. Is that because they leave all their braincells at the door of every room they walk into?” Jessica laughed quietly but gave Hannah a warning look. These were Jessica’s friends. Kind of. She didn’t really like them but she was lonely. And as much as Hannah was nice to her now, it wouldn’t be long until Jessica wanted to do more than complain about Liberty and sit on the outside. Hannah was a good friend, but friends don’t sleep with each others boyfriends. Jessica’s heart was still mending from that.

“Jess, did you wanna come to a party this weekend?” Zoey asked.

“It’s at Bryce Walker’s house,” another girl added and Jessica screwed her face up.

“Ew. He’s a dick.”

Zoey shrugged. “Yeah, but he’s rich. And his parents are never around so the parties get wild.” She smiled. “All the cheerleaders get invited. It’s like a rite of passage.”

Emily gasped. “Jess! You should try out for the cheer team! You’d be great.” Her fake tanned skin was almost orange in the lights on the cafeteria ceiling. “And it means we get to go to all the parties. Also, you get to hang out with all the cute boys because boys love cheerleaders. You can make your ex super jealous and you’ll meet someone so much better than Justin. I promise you.” Jessica wanted to be a cheerleader. She had always hoped that it would be part of her high school experience, like in all the movies. And it would be a great way to make more friends and finally make the most of her time at Liberty. But, she hated the idea of doing it just for a boy. Especially when she wasn’t even over Alex yet.

“I’m not really interested in–“ Zoey held her hand out and paused Jessica.

“It’s okay. We get it. He’s not really boyfriend material anyway. More of a friends with benefits kind of relationship. He’s a guy that sluts go for.”

Jessica blinked. “But Erin…”

Zoey nodded. “Is a slut… but we still love her. You can do better Jessica. We know it.” Then she glanced at Hannah as someone was whispering in Jessica’s ear. “No offence Hannah.” Looking back to Jessica, Zoey smiled. “So you gonna become a cheerleader?” Everyone was looking at her, waiting. All but one of them hoping her answer would be yes.

“Sure. When are the try outs?” Zoey waved her hand dismissively, all the girls picking at their nails.

“Don’t worry. You don’t have to try out. Just show up to practice tomorrow, we have you covered. We’ll put in a good word.” Jessica smiled.

“Thank you,” she turned to Hannah, “did you want to try out too?” Hannah’s face screwed up in disgust. She grabbed her food tray.

“No, thanks. I’m probably too much of a slut anyway.” With that Hannah walked off, and Jessica wasn’t sure where she had gone wrong. Maybe Hannah couldn’t handle the fact that Jessica was moving up in the fucked up social structure that was Liberty High. Maybe one day she could make it to the top. But that dream had been long over for Hannah before she had even had a chance. Yet another reason Jessica had to remind herself that Justin Foley was off limits to her. Off limits but she could still stare at him from afar. And maybe he could stare at her? And maybe she could imagine what it would be like if he didn’t have the reputation that he did.

* * *

“So, two girls in one night, huh? I saw you talking up Jessica Davis. She’s really hot.” Justin looked over at Bryce with an eye roll.

“Come on. I told you on Friday that nothing happened. Jessica left with Hannah Baker like halfway. Besides, she was all sad and shit about her dad, I think, and then breaking up with Standall. I don’t know. I was kind of wasted.” Bryce just laughed.

“Still you managed to fuck that other girl. Even if you didn’t tell your best friend about it.” Justin shook his head.

“No, there was no other girl. That’s just a stupid fucking rumour. Obviously, someone wants to make me look bad.” Bryce was slouching beside him on the couch of the pool house, repeatedly pressing A on the video game controller.

“How does that make you look bad? It makes you a fucking legend.” Justin was watching the television screen as he was beating Bryce at the game.

“It obviously makes me look bad _to_ Jessica.” He sighed. “It’s like, you know, fucking psychology and shit. Because now she just thinks I wanted to have sex with her or something.”

Bryce was silent a moment. “Didn’t you?”

“No,” Justin responded. “She was actually really fun. And nice.” Bryce looked over at him as the game finished.

“How stoned are you?” He asked. Justin put the controller down and shrugged.

“Like… a lot.” Bryce chuckled at the delayed response. He threw his controller beside him and stood up.

“So what is this thing with Jessica?” He asked. “You two like a thing?”

Justin shook his head. “I talked to her at school. And she says she’s still getting over Standall. Which I understand. And then she said her friend has a crush on me, so I can’t date her. But I think she likes me. I don’t know…” He blinked, trying to focus his eyes.

Bryce nodded. “Fucking girls. Sucks.” He walked over to the kitchen area and picked up another lighter for the bong. “So can I ask her out?” Justin sat straight up.

“The fuck? No. She doesn’t even like you.” Bryce shrugged, holding the lighter under the bong.

“So? She could. What if I asked her out?”

Justin scoffed. “Dude, it’s like the rules of feminism and shit.” Bryce coughed, barely able to process what he had just heard. “If your friend likes someone you can’t ask them out. That’s my whole fucking problem right now.”

“Wait,” Bryce was laughing, “did you just say it’s the rules of feminism? What the fuck?”

“Dude,” Justin sighed, “it’s just a fucking Mean Girls reference. You know that movie?” Bryce was blinking in shock.

“I don’t know what to be more concerned about. The feminism, or the fact that you can quote a chick flick.” Justin gestured with his hands in exasperation as Zach walked in with two packets of sour patch kids in his hands.

“Everyone has seen Mean Girls,” Justin insisted. “It is _not_ weird.” He looked over at Zach. “Tell Bryce that he can’t ask out Jessica Davis.” Zach screwed up his face.

“Wait who?”

Justin blinked, “Bryce.” With an eye roll Zach threw a packet of sour patch at him.

“No. Do you mean _Jessica_ Jessica? Like Alex’s ex?” Justin nodded. “Yeah, dude,” Zach looked at Bryce, “you can’t ask her out.” In triumph, Justin threw the packet of sour patch at Bryce this time.

“Fuck you both.” He put down the bong and looked over at Zach with a grin. “Oh, dude, Justin’s so stoned he’s quoting random movies again.”

Zach laughed, “please not Star Wars. I can’t handle that shit again.”

“No, it’s Mean Girls, or whatever it’s called.” Bryce was laughing.

“Oh, with Tina Fey?” Zach asked, looking over at Justin.

“Yeah,” he said, smiling, “it’s so fetch.”

Zach nodded, “so fetch.” They both looked at Bryce who was wide eyed in confusion. “What? My sister made me watch it.”

Justin shrugged, “it was Kat’s favourite movie. She made me watch it. And Legally Blonde, but I had so many questions about that one.”

Zach gasped, “right? That movie was so pink.” Then he waved away the conversation with a flick of his hand. “But dude, why we talking about Jessica?”

Bryce coughed on the smoke he inhaled then laughed. “Because, Justin’s, like, in love with her.” Zach looked over mockingly at Justin on the couch.

Justin scowled, "fuck off. I am not. She was just nice to me.” He was looking at Zach, having already had the conversation with Bryce, who proved to be a terrible friend.

“On Friday night?”

Justin nodded, “yeah.” His phone on the table buzzed and he reached out to grab it while Zach and Bryce were in the kitchen area talking about Zach’s car. He picked up the phone and swiped answer on the call.

“Mom?”

Her voice on the other end was hushed, “can you…can you come home?”

He made a face, “what, why?”

“There’s just…someone here and I don’t know what to do.”

Blinking, he tried to focus on the black screen of the television. “Who? What are you talking about?”

“I think he’s a dealer. But he’s got a gun and he keeps asking for Seth. I’m scared.” Of course she was scared. Who wouldn’t have been, he thought. But she always did this. Wordlessly let him get thrown out by her boyfriend and then beg him to come back a few days later when she had no one else. The men she put before her own son time and time again were the same ones who never gave a shit about her.

“Then why not call Seth?” He asked.

“I tried. He won’t pick up.” Her voice was so quiet, he could assume that the dealer was in the next room. His mom never learned. Not that these men were dangerous. Not that these men didn’t actually care about her. And Justin never learned either. He always came back. He always did exactly what she wanted so that she never had to learn her lesson. But he feared what would happen if he didn’t come back.

“Fuck. Fine.” He stood up as Bryce and Zach were watching him. “Just stay where you are. Don’t start anything. I’ll be there in like ten minutes…” He went silent a minute. “Should I call the cops?”

“No,” her response was immediate. “No, I’ve got… I’m high.”

He rolled his eyes, “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” He grabbed his bag off the floor. “Just stay there. Okay?”

She was nodding, whispering across the phone, “okay.” With a sigh, he hung up.

“I have to go,” he turned to Bryce and Zach. “Could one of you drive me home?”

Bryce nodded, “sure thing. Everything good?”

“Everything is fine,” he said halfheartedly. “…Thanks.” As he walked out the door Zach turned to Bryce as he was out of earshot.

“What’s up with him?”

Bryce shrugged. “Shit at home. He’s been here since Thursday. I think his mom’s back with some dealer.” Zach glanced at the door then back at Bryce.

“That why he was so wasted Friday night?”

“Without a doubt.”


	3. Dollar Valentines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok but the first part of this chapter is cute. then i decided to introduce sheri and zach as secondary characters throughout. so.... the second part is a set up for jessica and sheri's friendship.... why does the show never give jessica friends for more than one season? i'm still mad.  
> anyway, with the second part i wanted to explore something that i wish the show had gone into which was the effect of jessica and alex's break up on jessica. bc she got dumped for not wanting to have sex, and then he told everyone they slept together and publicly humiliated and body shamed her... so gross and any teenaged girl would come out of that a little scarred.

Jessica spent her afternoon running Dollar Valentines through the computer system in the gym. It had seemed fun at first but now she was bored out of her mind. When she joined the cheerleaders she thought it was going to be parties, basketball games and getting to use ‘cheer practice’ as her excuse for everything. Not fucking Dollar Valentines for people who could barely manage a fake smile as Jessica printed off their list of names.

While Jessica was the least peppy cheerleader on the team, and the least coordinated, she had befriended all the cheerleaders, and they loved her. Maybe that was because she was new meat. She was a shiny, fun prize for these girls to shop and study with until they grew bored of her. And then they probably talked shit about her behind her back. Girls were like that. Jessica had heard her fair share of gossip from them. The thing about moving every two years was that Jessica had to make new friends fast, and being a cheerleader made that easy. People wanted to be her friend, and they invited her to parties. Even so, her grades were on the verge of slipping if she continued to put her social life above her academics. But she didn’t really care.

She put through list after list for people throughout the school. She must have done at least fifty Dollar Valentines, all while sat next to Sheri who put each one through with a smile and the most joyful attitude she could. Jessica was polite, but dear god, her enthusiasm depleted by at least the third girl to get Alex on their list she saw. Was it bad that she dissuaded each of them not to go out with him?

Jessica sat at her table, pressing the space bar repeatedly on the computer out of boredom as the last few people lined up at every table but hers. Still, she couldn’t pack up until everybody was done. When she glanced up to see how much longer the lines were she spotted Justin Foley walking past her table at the end of the row.

“Hey,” she said, catching his attention. “Dollar Valentine?” Justin stopped and turned to her with a smile, gently laughing as she pointed to the computer.

“I didn’t do one,” he said, “I’m just here cause Zach asked me to come.” He pointed over to Sheri’s table where Zach was waiting for his list of names to print off.

“Why not?” Jessica asked. “You don’t trust my skills to find you your one true love?” They both pretended to gag at the sentiment.

“How does the system work?” He asked her.

Jessica shrugged with an eye roll, “who the fuck knows.” He laughed, and she smiled back.

“Did you do one?” She nodded. “Who’d you get?” She froze for a second. He was the first name on her list, and she would have gone for it. Kind of. If another girl hadn’t got him as well.

With a shrug she just said, “doesn’t matter. I’m not really looking to date right now.” Then she blinked up at him. “But you should totally do it. Just fill it out while you’re waiting.”

Justin was hesitant, “I’m kind of dating someone, so, I probably shouldn’t.” Jessica’s heart dropped, but she couldn’t let him know that.

“So? It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a dollar that goes toward cheer camp.” Jessica smiled. “I won’t tell.”

With a sigh, he gave in. “Okay, hand me the survey.” She picked a blank paper out of the pile beside her and passed him a pen with it. He leaned over the table and began to fill it out. As he answered the first question, he glanced up at her. “How’s your dad?” He asked.

Jessica blinked. “What?” He was partially focused on the survey, but he looked up sensing her confusion at the strange question.

“Sorry,” he said, filling in an answer, “when we talked at the formal you were kind of sad about him going away.” Then he shook his head. “From what I remember of that night.”

She smiled, “I can’t believe you remember that,” she said. “He got back a few weeks ago. It’s all good. But he’s leaving again over the summer. So that kind of sucks.”

He made a face. “That does suck. I’m sorry.” When she breathed out, it almost felt like she was laughing at him. It was weird talking about her dad with someone she barely knew. With someone who was Justin Foley of all people. But it was nice that he remembered. That he cared.

“Thanks,” she said, hesitantly. Was that the polite response? “We move all the time because he gets transferred a lot. So it’s hard to keep friends.” Justin nodded, circling his final answer to the first part of the questionnaire.Jessica looked at the survey. “You’re rushing this. You have to think about it.”

He laughed. “Jesus, sorry. You sound like all my teachers after they grade my exams.” Jessica smiled and shrugged. Maybe the teachers had a point, she thought. “Anyway, that's shitty about your dad. And all the moving around. How long are you here?”

She clicked her tongue and shrugged. “Till my parents decide to pack up and leave I guess.” She was watching him write, trying to see if she could read his answers upside down. It didn’t matter. She would get to read them when he was done anyway. “You have really neat handwriting, what the hell?”

Justin looked up at her and smiled, “thanks.” Then he looked over the survey, as if he was seeing his own handwriting for the first time, and then wordlessly went back to the answer he was writing. “But, uh,” he started, mindlessly finishing off a sentence, “I know a thing or two about absent fathers so, I get it.” She sat with her chin in the palm of her hands, staring at the survey.

“Your dad’s away a lot too?” She asked.

He scoffed, “try non-existent.” He signed his name at the top of the sheet, as if it was even necessary, and dropped the pen on the table. “Never even met him.”

Jessica frowned, “that sucks. I’m sorry,” she said. Holding the survey out to her, he shrugged.

“It’s for the best. He’s probably some deadbeat criminal in jail in, like, Connecticut or some shit.” Jessica laughed softly and he smiled jokingly. “I dunno. It was the worst state I could think of off the top of head.” She was grinning as he sighed. “And I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”

“It’s okay,” she assured him, taking the survey. “I totally get it.” She put the paper down in front of her and started typing the details into the computer. “You’re a dog person?” She looked up at him with her eyebrows raised. “Interesting.”

Justin laughed. “What? They know how to have a good time.” She chuckled as she typed in his answers. “Are you a cat person?”

She shrugged, “I’m a little bit of both.” Then she laughed. “I’ve actually never had a pet. Like, a living pet. But I do have a collection of pet rocks.” She looked up to see his reaction.

He blinked, “did you say rocks?” She nodded, and then he smiled at her. She didn't know what she expected. “That’s fucking great. Do you name them?”

“Yeah. I have one called Susan, she was my first one when I was seven. Then the newest one is called Shuri.”

“Holy shit,” he was smiling at her, “like after the Black Panther character?” Jessica nodded, embarrassed. She couldn’t believe he had guessed it so easily, and he wasn’t judging her for it.

“I love Marvel films, and my brothers and I were super excited that we finally had black superheroes. So I named one after her.” Self consciously, Jessica looked back at the survey to avoid his eyes, and he noticed the awkward turn the conversation took.

Justin nodded, “that movie was so fucking good.” Jessica agreed with a smile. She typed the last few responses in and pressed enter.

“Here we go,” she said as it began to print out. “You ready?”

“So ready,” he emphasised with a smile. She glanced up at him and wondered how it was that talking to him was so easy. He was so friendly, and smiley. God, she thought, he smiled _so_ much. Which was good because his smile was genuinely the prettiest she had ever seen. Back when Hannah had a thing for him she would always talk about his smile, and Jessica had never really noticed until the Winter Formal that Hannah was right. He was like a drug, and that was a strange thing to say even for Jessica. He was addictive. Like, it wasn’t enough to talk to him just once. Jessica thought about him a lot since the formal, especially when she didn’t want to.

She took the paper from the printer and handed it to him. “So who’d you get?” His eyes were focused on the page, he wasn’t listening. “Anyone good?” He looked up, smiling at her. But she could tell it was forced.

“Not really,” he said. “But it was fun to fill out.”

She smirked, “let me see.” She reached out to grab the sheet and he pulled it away from her. “If you don’t want me to see it that must mean you got someone good.” She grinned and as their eyes met and he was distracted she leaned forward and snatched it from his hands. She went to scan the names as he stood back on his heels in defeat and stopped at the first name.

Jessica Davis.

Her name was first on his list. Just like his name was first on her list. That had to be a mistake. It was just a coincidence. These lists were a joke.

“You’re right. Nothing good.” She shrugged it off and handed the sheet back to him. “The whole system is kind of a joke. Haven’t you already slept with like most of these girls anyway?” She looked up and laughed, but he didn’t.

When he glared at her she was kind of intimidated, “would you say that to one of your cheerleader friends?” Her eyes left his and she shook her head.

“Probably not.” She held the sheet out further. “Sorry.” Justin took the sheet from her hands and gave her the dollar donation in return.

“I’ll see you around then,” he folded the paper and put it in the pocket of his varsity jacket. She smiled goodbye but he didn’t see it, he turned and walked away before she could say anything else. Sheri gave Jessica a side eye from the empty table beside her.

“That was going so well,” Sheri whispered, “and then you…” she trailed off and made a face. “I almost thought you had a chance.”

Jessica shook her head. “No. He said he’s dating someone anyway.”

Sheri shrugged, tapping the pile of papers beside her, “it’s for the best,” she said, “he’s very cute, but his friends kind of suck.” Jessica clicked her tongue in agreement. “Zach’s nice though,” Sheri insisted. “Bryce Walker not so much.”

“Oh, I know.” As the other girls began to pack up Jessica begrudgingly put her head in her hands.

Sheri pulled her chair out and stood up. “You got a date tonight?” She asked. Jessica shook her head, not even looking up. “Neither. Did you wanna hang out?” Jessica lifted her head and looked over at Sheri. “Like a sleepover?”

She blinked in confusion. “On a school night?”

Sheri laughed. “Yeah. Just say we’re doing homework together, or something. It’s fine, Jessica.” Standing with all the other cheerleaders, Jessica began to pack up her table.

“Okay,” she said, “I’m excited.” 

* * *

Collapsing on the pink bed, Sheri held up three blocks of chocolate with a smile. Jessica sat beside her on the bed, desperately taking a block from Sheri’s hands with a smile.

“So,” Sheri began, “we’ve got Netflix, we’ve got chocolate, we’ve got a house to ourselves.”

Jessica laughed, “perfect. It’s gonna be so much fun.” They crawled up to the head of the bed, and Jessica looked around Sheri’s room. It was very Sheri. The walls were baby blue and decorated in polaroids of her and many of the cheerleaders at Liberty. There was a happy photo of Sheri and her parents where she looked at least ten, after that all the photos of her with her parents looked almost miserable. Jessica frowned, deciding to look at the rest of the room. She had cushions everywhere, and inspirational quotes written on a whiteboard in the corner.

“Your bedroom is so cute,” Jessica said. Sheri was opening a block of chocolate as she grinned.

“Thanks.” She passed the block to Jessica and moved around to lay on her stomach. “So… tell me about why you’re lonely on Valentines?” Jessica tilted her head and made a face. “Oh come on, I can say that. We’re lonely together.”

Jessica laughed, “I don’t know. I’m just not in a dating mood.”

Sheri pouted, “did anyone ask you out? You had to be on someone’s list.” Jessica shook her head, looking down at her hands.

“I had like three guys ask me, but, I turned them down. I wasn’t interested.” Her shoulders slumped in defeat.

Sheri gave her a small smile, “did you do the survey? Who’d you get?”

“No one good.” Sheri’s eyebrows went up, requesting that she elaborate. “I got like Zach Dempsey. I think I got Marcus Cole.” She screwed up her face at that name. “And… Alex.” Sheri laughed. Loudly.

“Who else? Which one was your first?”

Looking at her hands, Jessica frowned. “Justin Foley.” Sheri blinked at her, confused.

“Gosh, don’t sound so negative. Wait… how does that work? He was like the last person to fill one out.”

Jessica shrugged. “I heard Zach saying that Bryce filled one out for him as a joke and put it through just to embarrass the girls who got him and then, like, asked him out.”

“Asshole,” Sheri said, and Jessica nodded in agreement. “Still,” she insisted, “I heard you two talking today and you guys are cute together.”

Rolling her eyes, Jessica snapped off a piece of chocolate, “don’t even. I am not interested in him.”

Sheri grinned, “really?” She leaned in, “because that look on your face when he left today says otherwise,” she tapped Jessica’s nose and sat back laughing. Jessica pulled away as she smiled.

“No, I don’t… I can’t.”

Sheri frowned, “well, why not? He’s sweet.”

Jessica scoffed, she put a piece of chocolate in her mouth and chewed it. “I’ve barely hung out with anyone who hasn’t told me that he is the absolute worst so this is a change.”

Sheri giggled. “Who have you been talking to? And I would never say that about anyone.” Sheri grabbed some chocolate from the block and broke it in half. “Besides, he is nice. I was in seventh grade when my parents finally got divorced, and one day I was crying over it all by myself, just hiding in the yard, and him and Zach Dempsey spent the whole of lunch trying to cheer me up. It was so sweet.”

Jessica tilted her head, “you’re gonna tell me he’s nice based on something he did in seventh grade?”

Sheri shrugged nonchalantly, “well, if I’m still a bitch for calling some girl fat in seventh grade, why can’t he be nice for something he did in seventh grade?”

Jessica laughed, “I see your point.” Then she shrugged. “I guess you’re right. I mean, I always thought he was a dick for what he did to Hannah Baker. But he’s always been really nice to me.”

Sheri’s eyes widened. “What’d he do to Hannah Baker?”

“You don’t know?” Sheri shook her head. “He sent around a photo of her to like the whole school and told everyone they hooked up when they didn’t.”

“The photo up her skirt?” Sheri asked and Jessica nodded. “He said that Bryce sent it around. And he and Hannah were on good terms now. They text each other.” Sheri went wide eyed. “Maybe I’m not supposed to tell you that. But you’re friends with Hannah, right?” Jessica shrugged that she didn’t know. Was she friends with Hannah?

“We talk sometimes, but I don’t see her much because I hang around the squad. And she ruined my relationship with Alex, so…” Sheri nodded as she chewed on the chocolate.

“Do you miss Alex?” Sheri asked and Jessica made a face.

“God no. Like as a friend, sure. But after what he did. No way.” Sheri batted her eyes and Jessica was scowling.

“Woah, what’d he do?”

With a sardonic smile, Jessica tilted her head, “apparently he was telling all his friends that we were having sex. And then when he wanted to, I said no, and so he dumped me. Then he hooked up with Hannah. And put our names on that stupid fucking list.”

Sheri rolled her eyes, “that’s awful. God, I remember that list.” She frowned. “That’s so shitty.”

Jessica nodded slowly, “it kind of fucked me up. Because, in my head I know I don’t need to have sex until I’m ready to. And I wasn’t ready then, with him. And I’m not now. But it feels like, if I don’t, it’s just gonna end all my relationships. It’s why I’ve been so hesitant to start dating again.”

“I totally get that,” Sheri said. “And it makes you feel boring. And so awful because there should be more to high school and dating than just sex.”

“I just…” Jessica made a face, in thought. “I wanna do it with the right person. When I’m ready and because I want to. Not because everybody already thinks I am.” She bit her lip. “Ever since Alex dumped me, I think I’ve been trying to be interesting and fun. Because I don’t want someone to abandon me again because I’m a prude, or not fun.” Sheri went serious for a moment, and that was rare for her. She was the bubbliest person Jessica knew.

“If someone does that to you then they’re not worth it. I promise that not everybody is so desperate to be popular that they’ll do what Alex did. Sure, some people are assholes, but, you don’t deserve to be made to feel like shit for trusting your gut.”


	4. Spring Workout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all gonna be MAD by the end of this chapter - big missed opportunity. but it had to happen. so rip. but anyway some pining. some soft pining. my version of whatever the fuck spring workout is (chloe says it in 3x02 to zach and i was like ooh ok? idk what that is but alright we're adding it)  
> thanks y'all   
> read and review pls. this story is flopping so bad with the hits. idk if ao3 is dead or if the fic is just trash. either way i'll finish it. eventually.

The football field was filled with all the Liberty football players and all the cheerleaders, all standing in a crowd. Footballers, but not in uniform, were on the left and cheerleaders were on the right. They were segregated by a metre of green grass, for no reason other than that it was how the coaches commanded they stand.

As Jessica stood at the back of the crowd of cheerleaders, she folded her arms and leaned on one hip. It was spring and the wind was cold as it blew over the field. Jessica hugged her Liberty jacket to herself and watched as the Football Coach went from player to player with a box of names. Each player picked out a small slip of paper with a name of a cheer girl on it, and then she was their assigned Spring Workout cheerleader. Jessica thought it was kind of stupid. Why did they need a girl in a skirt to cheer them on as they lifted weights, or whatever it was that they did? Can’t the cheering be left for the field? Jessica thought that maybe her attitude over cheerleading was the reason she had been taken out of the last two routines. Oh well. Their loss.

She watched as Xander Nicholson pulled Sheri’s name out and Sheri looked over at Jessica with a roll of her eyes.

“Good luck with that,” Jessica mouthed to her, and Sheri put on her best fake smile. Xander was one of the less popular jocks, and that was mostly due to how pretentious he was, and his overcompensation for his athletic abilities. He couldn’t play football to save himself, he just wanted to say he had done it. But, still, he thought he was the best. Xander glanced over at Sheri in the group of cheerleaders and pumped his fist at her. She gave him a nod and smiled. Jessica had to stifle a laugh as all the footballers looked between one another and Xander.

Next was Zach Dempsey who picked out Chloe Rice, and he had never looked more enthusiastic about it. But then it turned out to be a double because Chloe was already paired with Monty, and so Zach went back to the bucket and picked out a different name. Chloe didn’t know it but Zach had a huge crush on her which Jessica, and every other girl on the squad, had noticed from a mile away. For someone as smart as Chloe, she really was naive when it came to romance.

The coach stepped up to Justin Foley next, who was still laughing at Zach as he picked out a slip of paper. Zach shoved his shoulder and he stumbled slightly on his feet. The coach told them both to knock it off, and Jessica watched them, laughing under her breath. Clicking his tongue and smirking, Justin unfolded the strip of paper.

“Jessica Davis,” he read aloud, emphasising every syllable of her name. Jessica’s blinked in realisation, she was staring at them already when he glanced over at her. He stood up on his toes, trying to see over Zach’s head at Jessica, and nodded his head at her, winking. She did the same, and waved to him over the crowd of cheerleaders. The coach moved on to the next player and Justin went back to his conversation with Zach, and Jessica fell to the flats of her feet again. Sheri leaned over to her with a smile.

“Second chance?” She whispered and Jessica tilted her head.

“You know I can’t.”

Sheri was grinning. “Come on, you and that other boy broke up like last week. You’re single, and you’d better fix that before Chloe comes along with her terrible matchmaking skills.” Jessica glanced across the field at Justin who was laughing again at Zach, then back to Sheri.

“I don’t know,” Jessica said begrudgingly, “he’s just so…”

“Cute?” Sheri suggested. “Popular? Hot? Funny? Dumb?” Jessica rolled her eyes and cocked her head.

“All true. But… No, he’s just so _cool_. And I’m not.” Sheri huffed, folding her arms over her chest.

“C’mon, Jessica, you’re so cool. Don’t become one of those girls who prides her whole self worth on a boy.” Then Sheri shrugged it off. “Although, if someone like that had a crush on me, it’d definitely give my confidence a little boost.” She shrugged one shoulder up to her ear and winked at Jessica, playing it all cute so Jessica laughed.

“Right,” Jessica agreed. “Wouldn’t be bad for your self esteem.”

Sheri giggled, “we’re such bad feminists. We’re totally going to hell.”

* * *

“So, you’re my cheerleader?” Justin clarified, and Jessica nodded in affirmation.

“You were the one who picked out the name, you tell me.” She crossed her arms across her chest and leaned on one hip on the emptying football field.

He laughed, gently, “yeah, okay. You’re my cheerleader.”

“Well,” Jessica said, “what does Spring Workout involve? I’ve never done this before.” He gestured with a tilt of his head for her to walk with him as he followed the mass of footballers walking off the field.

“I haven’t done it either,” he explained, “but it’s pretty much just a series of warm ups and workout activities over the next few weeks to prepare us for the season. And you’re just supposed to show up to the warm ups and… cheer… me on.”

Jessica scrunched up her face, “that’s it?”

He nodded, “pretty much. It’s kind of…”

“Dumb? Objectifying?” Jessica asked.

“Yeah,” he said with a small smile, “I was gonna say fucked. But those work too.” Jessica had been told what the premise of Spring Workout was, but Chloe and Sheri had made it sound so much more riveting. Now she just felt like some object in a cute skirt to cheer on sweaty boys before they’d even scored a goal on the field. Girls like Chloe loved Spring Workout. It was her calling in life to stand on the sidelines and enthusiastically cheer encouragement to a cute boy while she waved her arms and guys commented on her ass. Which was a waste of how smart she was, getting such good grades and in such smart classes.

“So what sport teams do you cheer for?” He asked, walking beside Jessica.

“Football is my first,” she said, “obviously. And then I think I wanna do basketball next season.” She shrugged her shoulders, she didn’t really know what other sports there were to cheer for yet.

“Cool, cool,” he said. “Don’t cheer for the baseball team,” he advised, “they suck.”

She laughed, “really? You’re not on the baseball team?”

“I hate baseball. The uniform is fucking stupid, and it’s just fucking standing around, and waiting for the ball to come near you. Like what the fuck kind of game is that?” Then he shrugged. “Besides, those games can go for hours. At least you get halves with football, and basketball.”

Jessica smiled to herself, “I didn’t know you were so opinionated about baseball. Have you ever played it?”

He shook his head. “When Zach tried out last year I did, but I couldn’t even get through try outs. It was so fucking boring.” Jessica laughed at the emphasis he put on the word fucking. “And that team is like a fucking cult or some shit. I swear. They’re all the fucking best of friends. I don’t get it. There is no team work in that game.”

Jessica was laughing, “you’re not wrong,” she agreed. He laughed with her, and all the tension from his complaints about baseball just faded away, as if he had been making a joke all along. She looked over at him as he smiled, noticing the dimples on the sides of his cheeks. She also noticed that his eyes were blue, and that he was slightly taller than her. But then she imagined that if she stopped and kissed him right now she wouldn’t have to stand on her toes. Jessica blinked the thought away, scolding herself that it was dangerous to think these things when he was right beside her. But god she really wanted to kiss him. Just to know what it would be like.

“So, uh,” Justin said into the silence between them, “could I get your number?” Jessica almost froze in her place, she had to push herself to keep moving her legs. She looked over at him beside her, and then he glanced at her curious expression. Realising he had taken her by surprise with the question, he did a double take. “For like training times and stuff. So I can text them to you. Or if I’m sick, or skipping so you don’t have to show.” Understanding, she looked back ahead as they left the field.

“Oh right, sure.” He patted the pockets of his varsity jacket, feeling for his phone. Confused, he shoved his hand into the pocket of his jeans and came up empty handed again.

“Shit,” he mumbled, “I left my phone in my locker.” Then he laughed to himself quietly. “Could I put my number into your phone?”

Jessica nodded, “sure.” She shoved her hand into her pocket and grabbed her phone out. “Here,” she typed in her passcode and handed him the phone.

He smiled, “ah, thanks.” She watched as he tapped onto the contacts app. “What’s the background?” He asked, nonchalantly typing his name into the empty contact.

“Oh,” Jessica looked from the screen up at his face, “it’s my brothers and I, at Disneyland.”

“Shit,” he was smiling, and the word wasn’t meant to sound negative. He could make any swear sound like a compliment. It was a true gift of his. “They’re really cute.”

Jessica rolled her eyes, “they’re fucking annoying, is what they are.” He laughed, quickly messaging his phone from hers. Then he shut her phone off and passed it back to her.

“Thanks, by the way,” he said. Oddly sentimental, and Jessica shrugged that it was fine. She thought that maybe there was something deeper to his phone going missing. Maybe it was broken? But she didn’t want to pry. “I have to go. I’ve got a biology class to get to.” He smiled at her and held his hand up for a high five, to which Jessica oddly accepted.

“You do biology?” She asked with an entertained smile. He was backstopping as he smirked, cocking his head to one side.

“I try,” he scrunched up his face at her. “I’ll text you later. See you around, Jessica.” He turned and started to walk away in the opposite direction, his pace picking up when he was far enough away that it didn’t seem like he was running from her. But Jessica watched him go. Until he disappeared into the main building and he was but a memory with a number in her phone, and a text message between them that said ‘spring workout friend’, and she liked that it said friend, and not cheerleader. He thought of her as a friend… But why did that make her feel so sad?

* * *

“Sheri!” Jessica protested, packing up her books as the bell rang.

“Jess, please! Swap with me! He’s unbearable.”

Jessica pouted. “But I like Justin. He’s nice.” Sheri’s shoulders drooped, she was practically begging.

“Please! You can handle Xander, put him in his place. I can’t. I’m too nice.” Her eyebrows were raised to the top of her forehead as she looked expectantly at Jessica.

“Sheri,” she begged, “can’t you ask someone else?” Sheri smacked her lips together, and tilted her head.

“But,” Sheri began, “you said you didn’t like Justin, so why do you care? If you really want to stay away from him, and stop yourself from getting caught up with him, then swap with me.” Jessica rolled her eyes.

“Fine,” she gave in. Realising Sheri was right. Jessica didn’t need this right now, getting involved with someone who could only break her heart. 

“Oh, and you have to tell Xander that swapping was your idea,” Sheri sneakily added. “I don’t want him to hate me. I have a reputation.” She scrunched up her nose.

Jessica groaned, “fine. I hate you, but fine.”

“Thanks Jess!”

* * *

“Dude, we’re swapping cheerleaders for Spring Workout.”

Justin looked up, confused. “What? Why?”

“Jessica wanted to apparently. Sheri said she was bummed about it, but you two get along.” Xander was grinning then. “Which is so fucking lucky. I’ve wanted to ask Jessica out for ages, and you know Spring Workout is famous for pairing up couples for the year.”

“Why did she want to swap?”

Xander shrugged, “just likes me better, I guess. Maybe she wants to _fuck_.”

Justin made a face, “Xander, shut the fuck up.”

“Jealous?” He pressed. “Come on, she’s like totally hot.” He smiled. “You, like, got her number or something so I can text her?” He folded his arms over his chest and his varsity jacket was one size too small.

“No,” Justin lied, “I don’t have her number. Ask Sheri.” Giving up, Xander walked out of the cafeteria. Zach watched him leave before he turned to Justin.

“What was that about?”

“Spring Workout.”

Zach scoffed, “yeah I got that part. But I thought you were over Jessica?”

“I am,” Justin said, overly defensive and Zach raised an eyebrow. “I am,” he repeated, much more assuredly this time.

“You should have asked her out,” Zach said, “Chloe said she just broke up with that guy she was seeing, and since you just got broken up with…” Zach’s voice went higher as he teased him.

Justin rolled his eyes, “if I had a shot with her, why would she jump at the chance to be with fucking Xander for Spring Workout? I mean Xander. Come on, she obviously isn’t into me.”

“Dude, literally every girl at this school is into you. Do you know how many of them have asked me for your number? ‘Cause I’m the _approachable_ one.”

Justin laughed, shrugging a shoulder. “You still hung up on that Hannah Baker thing? Just let it go.”

Zach was frowning, “why does she have standards as soon as _I_ ask her out?”

Justin smirked, “maybe she saw your C- on the last biology test and thought she could do better.” Zach was pouting as Justin laughed.

“Shut up, you’ve never even gotten above a C.” Then he spotted Jessica across the cafeteria. “Dude, just ask her out. What’s the worst she could say?”

“She could yell at me in front of everyone,” Justin suggested, “oh wait, no, that’s what Hannah did to you…” Zach punched him in the shoulder.

“You’re being such a pussy about this. Just ask her.”

“No, I won’t. If she wanted out so bad from Spring Workout with me, then I’ll look fucking stupid.” He shook his head. “I’m over her, anyway.”

Zach laughed, “you couldn’t be over her if you tried.”


	5. The Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is super long. but its cute. and we FINALLY get the interaction we deserve (kind of) i'm posting it now bc it'll probs take me a while to write whatever the next one will be. and i'm super depressed but this fic has been distracting me (so all your feedback is really really important to me!!!) and anyway. i wrote the first part of this chapter like a month or two ago so i had to adapt it and make it make sense with everything else i've written.  
> thank u all <3

“Sheri, I don’t know if I wanna–“ Sheri tugged on Jess’ arm.

“C’mon, Jessica, you won’t know until you try it!” She led her over to a spot in the circle of eleven people, right between Zach Dempsey, and Sheri herself. Jess sighed and dropped to the floor, crossing her legs. She was lightly buzzed from the small amount she had drunk, and the night had really only just started to amp up. She leaned over to Zach as Sheri began talking to the boy beside her.

“So… what’s the game?” Jessica asked. Zach gave her a small smile, then leaned in.

“It’s a spin the bottle hybrid of truth or dare, but… Bryce is hosting so, it’s gonna get pretty heavy pretty fast.” She rolled her eyes.

“Great.” He shared her sarcastic sentiment with a tilt of his head. “I thought you’d be into this, Zach. Don’t tell me you have actual standards?” He chuckled.

“When I’m this sober, yes.” She leaned back on her arms and appraised the crowd around her, starting to regret joining. Bryce Walker’s parties were renown for being wild, and being the best place for Liberty High students to get shit faced and make out with their biology partner who they barely knew. Jessica had avoided most of his parties, only going when she was begged. This time Bryce himself had invited her, proposing she needed to celebrate, having officially become a cheerleader this year, and it being the last party of sophomore year.

She was sitting next to Zach, who was beside two of the senior cheerleaders Jessica barely knw. Bryce sat almost directly opposite her, beside him was another girl who Jess had rarely ever spoken to, then Monty and some of Bryce’s other friends she wasn’t familiar with. There were a few other cheerleaders, Bryce’s friend Marcus Cole, also next years Student Body President, and then Sheri, who was sitting beside Justin Foley. Seeing him in the circle made Jessica throw away any reluctance of playing. She was all in. Her crush had exceeded it’s ability to be suppressed. And the best time to hook up with him was probably at this party.

“Okay!” Bryce shouted, the music was quieter in the bedroom than downstairs where people were heavily drinking, so when Bryce shouted, the whole room could clearly hear him. He had that kind of confidence about him that Jessica knew came from the white privilege and money that his parents made sure he had at his every expense. It was a kind of confidence most boys dreamed of. A confidence that was detrimental in practice. “Spin the bottle, it lands on a person, they pick truth or dare,” he grinned, leaning over to punch Monty in the arm, “and butt stuff is off the table tonight boys.” They all laughed, jokingly protesting, or at least Jess hoped it was a joke. She was never sure with them. Bryce spun the bottle in the middle of the circle and it landed on Sheri. She requested truth, and he asked, right off the bat, who she lost her virginity to. Jessica rolled her eyes, catching onto Zach’s eye roll as it went. Sheri, taken aback, and still too sober at this point, just laughed. She refused to answer. Bryce began to pressure her, all the boys around him joined in. They all called her a prude, promising to keep her secret, and reminding her that she _had_ to answer the question. Sheri, her eyes darting back and forth between Bryce and the floor, looked terrified.

“She shouldn’t have to answer if she doesn't want to,” Jess spoke up. Zach nodded, the cheerleaders all agreed. Still, Bryce and his friends wouldn’t listen. They accused her of being a bitch, and not playing along. Sheri looked at Justin sitting beside her, her eyes begging him to make them stop. They were good friends now, as of Spring Workout and he was the only one who could do it. Besides, he didn’t look like he was enjoying the game so far like his friends were.

“Bryce,” he said, loud enough to shut them up for a moment, “cut it the fuck out. Just ask her a different question.” They all went silent. Bryce rolled his eyes, muttering something under his breath. He asked another question, much more innocent, and Sheri answered it. Then she spun on Zach, then Zach on a cheerleader, then her on another girl, and it went round and round. Jessica watched, and she laughed, but the whole time she thinking about the boy sitting one spot away from her. She so badly wanted him to spin the bottle and have it land on her. Instead it was one of Bryce’s other friends that spun the bottle and had it land on her.

“Truth or dare?” She bit her lip.

“Truth.” He looked around the room.

“If you could fuck one guy and one girl in this room, who would it be?” Jessica’s eyes widened, she almost laughed.

“What? Like a threesome?”

“No, individually. Just like, random? Y’know?” No, she didn’t know. “Based on looks, or whatever, you don’t have to fucking do it. Obviously.” She sat there with her mouth ajar for a moment, considering her answer.

“Uh, maybe Sheri,” all the boys hooted and nodded in agreement. Sheri gave Jess a sympathetic smile, she knew it was an easy cop out of the question to say her closest friend in the room. “And,” she couldn’t say Zach, and she was not going to lie her ass off and say any other name in the room. Easiest answer was the truth. “Justin.” Half the room gave disappointed sighs at not being named, the other half, Bryce included, all celebrated, cheering their friend on for being chosen. Justin laughed, quietly, but when Jessica looked over he never met her eyes. She wasn’t sure if he was embarrassed, or _embarrassed_. She hoped it was the more flattering option.

When Jessica spun the bottle next it was by some strange trick of fate that it landed on Justin. Unexpectedly, he sat up straight, and so did she. The whole room went silent, anticipating the question.

“Truth or dare?” He tilted his head, considering.

“Truth,” he requested, resulting in sneers of his friends calling him a pussy to which he ignored. Jess almost felt bad, so she tried to make up for it with the question.

“Weirdest place you’ve had sex?” He laughed, his face scrunching up as his head fell. The boys in the circle all gasped, holding onto his every word. He couldn’t even meet her eyes.

“A haunted house last halloween. Not a real house. The fake ones that people pay money for. It was a weird date thing.” Jessica laughed. She hadn’t expected that, and dear god she wanted more information.

“Seriously?” He nodded, looking at her like she was the only other person in the room. He looked like he wanted to explain himself, but the game had to continue. The boys were all in too much shock and confusion to respond in any way, and the girls watched Jessica and Justin while giving the side eye to each other as they sensed something going on.

The game continued. It was only a few goes before Bryce received the honours again and made it his life’s mission to land on Justin. And it did.

“Dare,” he answered, like it was an instinct that Bryce knew some of Justin’s worst secrets, but that answer was exactly what Bryce wanted.

“I dare you to kiss Jess.” Justin looked at his friend, he opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He looked over at Jessica, the whole room was quiet. This wasn’t spin the bottle, nobody had wholeheartedly signed up to make out with their peers.

“Okay?” He asked her, glancing over. He didn’t want to push any boundaries this early in the night, and he seemed sober for a change. Jess nodded, she tried to not make it so obvious.

“C’mon,” Bryce said, “don’t be a fucking pussy, just kiss her.” Sheri backed out of the way, and Justin moved over to sit beside Jessica. Their faces came close to one another, she bit her lip as her eyes darted from his eyes to his lips.

“Okay,” he whispered, leaning in close. This was weird. She had wanted to kiss him for a long time, and she didn’t really think this was how it would happen. At a party in front of everyone. But god, she really did want to kiss him. Right now.

“Okay,” she responded. Then they kissed. It was in equal amounts, exactly the way Jessica had always imagined it would be, and something completely new and wonderful. And she knew he felt it too, because he didn’t just hold the kiss, he kissed her again, gently at first then it became harder and she kissed him back the same. She waited until he pulled away, looking into his eyes as he smiled, and she smiled too. The room erupted in shouts from horny teenaged boys as they mocked him for not just fucking her right then and there like he obviously wanted to, according to their alcohol induced stupidity. Not even alcohol induced, just constant and unwavering stupidity. Justin, embarrassed by his friends, and tired of their bullshit at this point, moved back to his place as Sheri crawled back to her spot. Leaning in close, Sheri whispered to Jess.

“I can’t believe you just did that,” she giggled, “do you _like_ him again?” Jess shrugged, she wasn’t sure who was listening, or watching.

“Not here,” she said. “I’m gonna need more alcohol in me before I make any irrational decisions tonight.”

* * *

After a few rounds, one by one people got up and left from the circle of truth or dare, eventually only Jessica, Sheri, Justin, Zach and Bryce were left. The five of them started playing a drinking version of Never Have I Ever. Jessica was fairly sober, but she was getting there. The game was pretty messy. Jessica hadn’t done much so she rarely drank, especially when she was playing against boys who, it seemed like, had done almost everything there was to do.

“Never have I ever…” Sheri began. “Gotten drunk at a school event.” Zach hesitated a moment before drinking, Bryce was already half way gone, and Jessica made eye contact with Justin, smiling as they both drank from their red cups. “God,” Sheri proclaimed, “I feel like I haven’t lived.”

“You’ve lived, Sheri,” Zach assured her, “and you’ve escaped the hangover at school the next day. So consider yourself blessed.” They all laughed, because he was right. Jessica didn’t regret the Winter Formal, but she wouldn’t do it again, either. Or if she did, she would make sure she wasn’t going to puke afterwards.

“Ok,” Justin said, next in the small circle. “Never have I ever…” He screwed up his face as he thought on it. He took a long time to come up with something, it was only his third turn.

“Come on,” Bryce complained, “make some shit up.”

“Never have I ever killed someone,” Justin eventually said, and Jessica burst into laughter as absolutely no one drank from their cup.

“Holy shit,” Zach said, “you’re so wasted.” And he was. Because Zach and Bryce had spent half the game trying to get him drunk with their answers.

“My turn,” Bryce said. “Never have I ever cried while drunk.” He and Zach both looked over at Justin with wide smiles.

“Oh fuck you,” he said, finishing the red cup in his hands. Jessica, laughing, leaned over and poured half of her drink into his empty cup.

“Because they’re cheating,” she said. “You’re not out.”

He smiled at her, “thanks.”

Bryce pouted mockingly at Justin. “Gonna cry again tonight are you, Justy? You sad about your mommy again?” Justin rolled his eyes, not giving Bryce the satisfaction of talking back. Zach was fairly sober, and started to see how far Bryce was taking the joke. He shook his head and decided he would go back to the game.

“Never have I ever driven while drunk or high,” Zach said, and Bryce was the only person to drink this time.

“That’s so dangerous,” Sheri said in shock, looking at Bryce.

He shrugged, “I made it home safe. That’s what matters.” He emptied his red cup and sighed. “I’m gonna get back to my party, and I need a refill.” Starting to stand up, he was rather steady on his feet for someone so wasted. He held onto Justin’s shoulder as he stood up straight, then leaned in to his friend. “You better get laid tonight, or I’m getting you a hooker tomorrow.” He laughed to himself and tipped his cup upside down to make sure it was empty. Justin, glancing up slightly at his friend didn’t look pleased by the offer.

“Oh, so does your mom give you a discount or not?” He joked, and Bryce whacked him over the head.

“Shut the fuck up,” he snapped, starting to walk out of the room.

“Usually I hate that joke,” Jessica said with a smile, “but that was fucking great.” All of them were laughing as Bryce disappeared.

“That was the best use of that line,” Zach agreed. “We should like write it down, so we remember.”

Justin laughed, “for the record, I’m so wasted the room is spinning.” Then he held his hands in the air in celebration, “but I still fucking owned him.” The other three all clapped their hands and yelled as if he had changed history itself, but no, they were just on a drinking high. But once they calmed down the game went back to normal while Jessica grabbed the water bottle from beside her and offered it to Justin.

“You better not pass out before we finish the game,” she said. He looked pretty desperate as he took the bottle from her, downing half of it at once.

“Thanks, Jessica,” he said, screwing the bottle cap back on, “you’re so nice.” He was really starting to sound drunk. She laughed to herself, letting him hold on to the water bottle for the rest of the night.

“I’m next,” Jessica said, “and never have I ever smoked pot.” She looked around the circle, Sheri and Justin shrugging as they both drank, and Zach giving Jessica an awkward thumbs up as his red cup stayed planted firmly on the ground. Then it was Sheri’s turn, and her cup was nearing an empty point, and she was incredibly hyped. And a happy Sheri was a Sheri that wanted to cause trouble.

“Never have I ever,” she began with a smile, “had a crush on someone in this room.” Her and Zach looked at each other, smirking. Justin and Jessica made eye contact, sitting across from each other in the circle, as they both lifted their cups and drank.

“Oh shit,” Zach said with a smile, “I think Sheri and I have to go…” he tried to think of an excuse as he stood up, “and see how Bryce is doing…” They were both standing as they looked at each other with smiles, “with the snacks and stuff.” Both of them walked out, turning back when they reached the doorway. Sheri winked at Jessica, then at Justin, and Zach gave them both an enthusiastic thumbs up. Then they were left alone. It took them both a moment to summon the courage to tear their eyes away from the door, and look at each other. But they did eventually. And Justin was the first one to speak.

“Shit,” he smiled at her, “do you really?” Sitting on the floor, he drew his knees up to his chest and looked at her.

Jessica nodded, “yeah, I do.” She smiled back at him, then took another sip from her cup, knowing she was too sober to be having this conversation with him while he was this wasted. He was smiling so widely she could see the dimples on both sides of his face, and she really wanted to kiss him. But she didn’t move.

“Fuck, for real? Jessica, I’ve, like, had a crush on you since like the formal. Which was so long ago.” She laughed as he started to ramble, drunkenly. “And you’re so pretty, and you’re so kind to me. And funny, you’re so fucking funny. I wanted to do Spring Workout with you, and when I got you on my Dollar Valentine list, I wanted so fucking bad to ask you out. I wanted to. I really did.”

“You should have,” Jessica told him, “I would have said yes.” That was when he smiled again, and began to move towards her. Jessica shuffled closer to him on the carpet until their faces were inches away from each other. Leaning in, Jessica was the first to instigate the kiss, and she put that down to his delayed reactions from how much he had drunk. But he didn’t hesitate to kiss her back.

After a moment, Jessica pulled away, “jesus, what did you drink?”

He laughed, ashamedly, “tequila,” he said, followed by an awkwardly delayed apology of, “shit, I’m sorry.” She had noticed that he apologised a lot, even when he didn’t need to.

“It’s fine,” she said. “I just hate hard liquor. It tastes disgusting.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I’m sorry.” She shook her head, feeling guilty for making him feel guilty. All of his apologising made her feel like a bitch.

“Forget it,” she said, kissing him again. Then it was like the conversation never happened, and she got used to the taste of tequila on his lips. She reached up and put her hand on his cheek, and then adjusting her position when she felt his hand on her thigh. She half expected herself to shy away, but she didn’t. Jessica wasn’t scared. She wasn’t afraid of him, or afraid of being rejected. No, that’s a lie. Everybody was afraid of rejection, but Jessica’s crush on Justin surpassed any fear she had of that. She had waited so long, and finally she had the chance to be open about her feelings. To act on them. And she was at that point, with how much beer she had consumed in the last few hours, that she would have been down to do anything.

* * *

They sat on the floor of an empty upstairs bedroom in Bryce Walker’s house. The carpet underneath them was cream coloured, maybe it had once been white but it was no longer, and it would never be again. Jessica’s skirt was folded up to her waist, she had her knees bent, sitting with her legs to the side. The door was wide open and anybody who walked past would have seen the two of them sitting on the floor and drunkenly making out. He was a good kisser, and Jessica expected no less after the shining review from Hannah almost a year ago, and the reputation he had acquired, even at 16. But he was also pretty drunk, and she was pretty drunk. Her mind was running at a hundred miles an hour because she had waited so long for this, and something about it felt so strange. Jessica put it down to how much he had drunk. Who wanted to hook up with their long time crush while he was wasted in an empty bedroom? Not Jessica.

All of a sudden, he pulled away, “oh shit,” he said. His hand was halfway up her thigh as he yanked it back. Jessica froze, wondering what she had done wrong. Was she a bad kisser? Was he put off by her for some reason? Was he cheating on someone?

“What? What’s wrong?” She was staring at him, but he was looking at his hands in his lap.

“Shit,” was all he said, repeating it over and over. Jessica blinked, trying to make sense of what was happening, and the expression on his face.

“Are you okay?” She asked. Then she realised. “Oh shit, are you gonna be sick?” He nodded slowly, putting his hand over his mouth. “Shit,” she whispered to herself. Jessica scrambled to her feet, helping him stand up with her and letting him lean on her shoulder. “There is a sink in the next room,” she said, remembering how she walked in on two seniors making out in the bathtub an hour ago. Jessica let him hook his arm around her neck as she tried to help him walk. He swayed, he swore… a lot, and he apologised to her in amongst all the swearing. Jessica just made sure that he walked faster and made it to the sink in time. They both tripped on the carpeting as it met the tiled bathroom, and Jessica had to watch that neither of them slipped on the alcohol all over the floor. The seniors were still in the bathtub, their clothes were half off and Jessica got their attention by clearing her throat. “We need the bathroom. You can use the room next door.” The two of them nodded, silently trying to get out of the bathtub, and Jessica turned her attention back to Justin.

“Oh fuck,” he said and then she loosened her hold on him and he dropped to the ground. He barely made it to the edge of the toilet before he began to throw up and Jessica turned her head to look away.

“Jesus,” she muttered, “that’s disgusting.” She closed the door and crossed her arms over her chest. The sound of retching was disgusting enough but when he went silent she looked over to make sure he wasn’t dead or unconscious. He wasn’t. He was just sitting there, tiredly. Jessica grabbed an empty glass off the sink and filled it with water from the faucet for him. She put it on the ground next to him, and waited to see if he would throw up again. He seemed fine. From previous experience, Jessica knew that usually vomiting from drinking didn’t last long, unlike food poisoning or a proper illness. And depending on what had happened throughout the night, it was usually just liquid.

He leaned his arm on the toilet seat, and rested his head in what looked like the recovery position. He had his eyes shut, and he was waiting it out to see if he was going to throw up again. Jessica hit the flush button, and let the vomit wash down the toilet. He didn’t even move as the water flushed the vomit down. Weighing up her options, Jessica climbed into the bathtub, moving the empty gin bottle that was inside onto the floor. She stretched out to the length of the tub, her legs slightly bending as she fit inside. She took out her phone and googled what to do when someone threw up from drinking too much. Keep them warm. Give them water. Make sure they stay awake.

Jessica glanced over to make sure he was okay and he seemed fine. The google search made it seem more serious than it was. Jessica began to assume that his vomiting was a mixing of drinks rather than alcohol poisoning or drinking too much. Which was reassuring for both of them.

After a few minutes, Justin crawled over, handing the glass of water to Jessica to hold, and climbed into the bathtub with her. She drew her legs in and sat with them tightly drawn up to her chest, an unflattering position in a skirt but he didn’t even notice. He was leaning on one side of the bathtub, and threw his leg over the other side so that Jessica didn’t have to sit with her legs drawn up so tightly. When they were finally done getting comfortable in the porcelain bathtub, in very unflattering positions, Justin was the first to speak.

“That was not because of you, by the way,” he said quietly and she laughed.

“I know,” she assured him. She handed him the glass of water and he started taking sips from it sheepishly. “Do you feel better?” She asked him.

“A lot better,” he said with a small smile. “Thanks.” Maybe if she knew him better. Maybe if he wasn’t some boy she had made out with only ten minutes ago, the conversation would be less awkward. She liked him though, and that was why she stayed, why she was willing to give him another chance. He deserved it, she thought. He had been nothing but kind to her.

“Do you always drink this much?” She asked curiously, and he shook his head.

“I used to, but then the hangovers were fucking unbearable, and not worth it at all. I’ve done it for so long. But I kind of know exactly what point to stop drinking that I’m still kind of… rational but not depressed.”

Jessica made a face, and he chuckled lightly at it, “just not tonight?” She asked him.

“No, not tonight.” He ran his hand over his mouth and then shrugged. “Everything’s just fucking crazy right now, and I’m sick of feeling like shit.” Jessica’s lips curved into a frown, a sympathetic one.

“Why do you feel like shit?” She asked him, but he had no answer for her, sipping more water. He made a face, clicking his tongue to dismiss the conversation.

“Doesn’t matter.” Jessica’s frown deepened but she didn’t push, she let him change the subject. He seemed to have slightly recovered from his drunken state, now he could form sentences. “How was Spring Workout with, whatever the fuck his name was.”

Jessica smirked, “Xander?” He bowed his head, acknowledging the correct name. “It was fine.”

“Did he ask you out? He told me he wanted to.”

Jessica nodded, “yeah, he did. I said no.” Then she laughed. “It made the next month kind of awkward.” Justin laughed, shaking his head.

“He’s a fucking dumbass.” Jessica chuckled in agreement. He sipped the water again, contemplating. “Do you have any plans for the summer?” He asked.

Jessica shrugged, “my dad’s going away,” she said, and his face screwed up.

“Oh shit, yeah, you told me that ages ago.” He drank some more water and then shook his head. “What does he do again? Was he a pilot?”

“Airforce. He’s isn’t involved in any of the actual piloting stuff. He’s at the home base. But he goes on missions, and I miss him.” Justin gave her a sympathetic smile.

“That must suck. A lot.” She nodded, wiping her thumb under her eye. “So he’s leaving again?”

“Yeah, for most of the summer.” She adjusted her position in the bathtub because it was starting to get uncomfortable, and he did the same until they were sitting with their legs bent between each other, their knees almost touching. “He made me sign up for summer school. I think he wants to make sure my summer is the worst ever, but that’s just my dad, you know.”

Justin laughed, “summer school isn’t that bad,” he said. “It’s actually kind of fun because the people who do it are either the really fun people at Liberty, or the fucking nerds who wanna get ahead. So there’s lots of parties. It’s like school but the hours are better, and you can just say fuck it and go to the beach and literally no one cares.”

She was smiling, “seriously?”

“Yeah. I’ve done it three years in a row.” Then he leaned over and whispered to her. “I’m one of the fun people. I’m not a fucking nerd.” He moved back and held his glass of water out like it was toast, and then sipped from it. “I am failing trigonometry. And chemistry.”

“Chemistry is the worst,” Jessica complained, and he agreed with a laugh. “I like talking to you,” she said.

“Same,” he agreed. He looked at his empty glass and sighed. “Shit, now I have to get out of here.” Jessica shook her head, reaching forward to take the glass from his hands.

“Here,” she said. She turned around and twisted the faucet on the bathtub behind her, letting it fill the glass. He watched it fill, his expression oddly entertained by the prospect of drinking water from the bath faucet. When it finally filled, she handed it back to him and he laughed.

“Amazing,” he marvelled.

“Does it taste okay?” She asked, and he took a sip, shrugging his shoulders.

“Tastes like water. Can’t complain.” With a small smile, he reached up to the counter from his place in the bath and grabbed some mouth wash sitting with the soaps. Jessica furrowed her brow at him and he shrugged, taking some and then spitting it into the glass he had.

“I stay at Bryce’s a lot. I promise he doesn’t care.” He put the mouthwash back on the shelf and then the glass filled with backwash followed.

“Why?” She asked. “Why do you stay at Bryce’s a lot?”

“My mom is fucked up,” he responded. “She just ruins everything.”

“That sucks,” Jessica said, not sure what else she could say. “Drink to escape?” She asked and he nodded in agreement.

Then, after a moment in silence, he smiled, “should we get back to our game?” He inquired, and Jessica furrowed her brow. He smirked at her, moving closer. “Never have I ever made out in a bathtub.”


	6. Summer School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this took so long oops. i had a busy week and i suffered much writers block. and i probably will for the next few chapters too. :) anyway. please enjoy! and next chapter will be a delight, let me just say! without spoiling this chapter ;) also i'm always open to suggestions for fics and one shot ideas you guys would like to see, or read. since this fic itself was a suggestion on tumblr and it's been a lot of fun. 
> 
> thank you! please r&r or whatever i'm supposed to say on ao3 idk. and follow me on tumblr for 13rw discussions (mostly justin and jess) @jessicasjustin or @bridgetsregan <3

“So I puked,” Justin explained, watching the television screen, “and it was all fine. We were in the bathtub, like, upstairs. But I got hungry and so we came back down and Zach gave me more tequila, which was fucked. Then I kicked him, Monty and Alex out of the pool house for a while– Oh, shit, I stole some cake out of the refrigerator, I hope that wasn’t for anything.”

Bryce paused the film, scowling. “Oh, so that’s why the cake for my mom’s 50th had a fucking dick drawn in the icing. Did _you_ do that?”

Laughing, Justin shook his head, “that was Jess. I dared her to do it.”

“For fuck sake. My mom was horrified.” Justin tried to stop laughing, reading Bryce’s genuinely upset reaction.

“Shit, I’m sorry. We thought it was your cake. There was nothing to suggest it wasn’t. I mean, why the fuck would you put it in the pool house?”

“As a surprise, you fucking dumb–“

“I’m sorry!” Then they both sat in silence. Bryce angrily glaring at the television, and Justin trying not to laugh. “But, anyway,” he tried to go on, “I did some weed, and then… the tequila got to me.”

Bryce scoffed, “you cried again?” He asked mockingly.

“It was hardly crying. We just had a very… deep… conversation. But then Sheri drove her home. And I have her number, it’s been a week, but fuck I still haven’t texted her. I don’t know what to do. She must think I’m an asshole, or something.”

Bryce cocked his head, unpausing the movie on the television. “So, you’re ghosting her?”

“No,” he said defensively, “I’m just waiting it out.”

“You said she liked you back. That’s not gonna stop after just one night of you being a pussy. And girls like that shit. All the feelings and stuff. Means they can vent while you stare at their tits.” Justin looked over at Bryce, while still trying to pay attention to the movie on the screen.

“But, it’s not like that.”

“Well, how far _did_ you go?” He knew from previous experience that if he didn’t want to fuck up the relationship any further he should keep his mouth shut.

“Not far. I was too drunk.” A lie, but Bryce had never had a good eye for catching him out on a lie. Justin was pretty sure that it was because Bryce valued their friendship, and thought he did the same. And he did. But Bryce had rarely done anything that was cause to lie to his best friend, so he liked to think Justin was the same. But he wasn’t.

“Pussy. Since when has that stopped you?”

Justin rolled his eyes, “since my mom was dating an asshole drug dealer who won’t let me back into my house. So, yeah, I was really fucking wasted.”

Bryce frowned. “I’m sorry, man.” He shrugged. “Are you sure you don’t want to come away with me and the rest of my family? I offered last month–“

“No, no. I have fucking summer school. If I don’t pass then I can’t play basketball next year, and you know that’s the only shot I have at a college scholarship.”

“Shit,” Bryce said, “well, fuck, you could stay here. I mean, house sit or whatever while we’re gone. It’ll keep you away from your mom. And Marissa the maid is gonna be here but my dad doesn’t exactly trust her.”

Justin screwed up his face, “what? Why not?”

Bryce shrugged. “He thinks she’s gonna like steal our shit while we’re gone and sell it for money to feed her kids. He likes her, but he doesn’t trust her alone for the summer.”

Justin scoffed under his breath, “Jesus.” But he didn’t want to say anything more and offend Bryce, lest the offer to house sit for the summer be revoked. “Sure, I can house sit. I’m pretty fucking good at it. I know where the stuff is, mostly.”

Bryce smirked, “and if you throw a party just clean up before we get back. Marissa’s always down to clean up the next morning, just give her the full 24 hour notice.” Justin wanted to roll his eyes.

“I’m good. I don’t throw parties. That’s your thing.”

“You could throw your first one,” Bryce offered.

“I’d rather not. I’d rather get wasted than watch other people and worry they’re gonna like vomit on your expensive carpet, or whatever the fuck.”

Bryce made a face, “we have timber floors. You’ve been in the main house.”

Justin waved his hand nonchalantly, “whatever. I’m still not party host material.”

“Well, you can use my car too. No one will be using it so it might as well go to someone who needs it.” He smirked. “Since I won’t be here to drive you places.” Justin stuck his tongue out and Bryce stood up from the couch.

“Not my fault the car got repossessed. My mom lost her job, and her boyfriends dealing fucking ice from the house now.”

Bryce smiled, wandering into the kitchen,“how much does he charge?”

Rolling his eyes, Justin scowled, “don’t even fucking joke about it. That shit is dangerous. Don’t try it.”

“Wait, wait, wait, you have?”

“God no. I think my mom is, though. I asked her… She said no. But she’s showing signs.” He drew his knees up to his chest on the couch and stared at the tv, completely in his own thoughts. “Last day of school I googled the signs for meth addiction, and she’s been showing them for a while.”

“Makes sense, I guess. She’s dating a meth dealer. She probably gets it cheap.”

“Yeah,” was Justin’s one worded reply. He’d always known, he just didn’t want to believe it.Bryce picked up the spare key from the bowl in the pool house kitchen and threw it over to Justin.

“Take it,” he said, “and stay the fuck out of your own house for a while.”

“Thanks.”

* * *

“I told you to text me!”

“I know, I know,” Jessica waved it away with a hand gesture, “but I’ll tell you now.” Sheri sighed, resting her chin in the palm of her hand on the school desk.

“Go quick. People are gonna show up soon.”

Jessica shrugged, “he hasn’t texted me. He’s, like, ghosting me or something.”

“Well, he’s never been the most reliable person over text,” Sheri said, “so I doubt he’s purposely ghosting you.”

Jessica frowned, toying with the hem of her skirt. “I don’t know. I mean, chances are he’s like every other boy. Just wanted to have sex, and as soon as we did, he cut me off.”

Sheri blinked, “you said–“

“We didn’t,” Jessica quickly told her, “we almost did. But I couldn’t go through with it. So we did other stuff instead.” She frowned. “I think he thinks I’ve done it before. Because Alex told everyone that we were. And I was too afraid to tell him at the party. I thought it might make it weird. And he’d think I was a prude, or something, and wouldn’t like me anymore.” She shrugged. “I don’t know. It was weird.”

Sheri pouted, comfortingly putting her hand on Jessica’s shoulder. “Aw, Jessica,” she said gently, “I swear not every boy is a piece of shit. It’ll work out.” Jessica put her head in her hands.

“Jesus,” she sighed, “what if that was it? He asked if I wanted to have sex, and I said no, so he thought I wasn’t worth it, just like Alex did. And now he’s ghosting me.” She struggled to hold back tears. All week she had just tried to tell herself that he was busy, or that his phone was broken, because that happened a lot, apparently. “He told me some shit about his home life, and I fucking told him about my dad. Like we had a deep conversation. And after all of that, he just ghosts me? Like, what the fuck?”

“Boys suck,” Sheri agreed.

“And now I have to see him at summer school. God, I’m so fucking stupid. I shouldn’t have done it.”

Sheri shrugged her shoulders as students started to walk in, “listen,” she said. “Jessica, if you’re gonna be stuck in summer school with him for the next two months, my advice is to clear the air now. Just go talk to him. You’re confident, your hair looks cute today. What’s the worst he’s gonna say? Own up to screwing you over? Then you can totally destroy his reputation with the cheerleaders, and he’ll look like a piece of shit.”

Jessica made a face, “or, what?”

“Or he has a perfectly valid reason, and you start dating the cutest boy in school. Eventually get married in a few years, have gorgeous babies and live happily ever after.”

Jessica made a face, “why am I even talking to you about this?”

Sheri smiled, “because I’m the only girl at Liberty, perhaps even in the world, who doesn’t either hate Justin Foley, or want to have sex with him. We are a rare species, Jessica. Treat us kindly.”

* * *

“There he is!” Sheri prodded Jessica’s shoulder then pointed from behind the corner of the hallway. Justin was standing by the abandoned lockers, staring at his phone. Sheri raised an eyebrow. “And he has his phone. No escaping the question now.” She gently shoved Jessica into the centre of the empty hallway, and nodded at her to go for it.

“Bitch,” Jessica mouthed back to Sheri, and with an innocent smile she winked. The peppy cheerleader turned on her heels, her blue skirt swaying as she tiptoed away, leaving Jessica all by herself. Jessica turned back to the boy standing two steps away from her. She took one of those steps, waiting to see if he would notice her. He didn’t. So she decided to swallow her pride.

“Hey,” she said, the word falling out of her mouth before she even realised what she was doing. This was dumb. She was going to look like an idiot. Justin immediately tore his eyes from his phone, turning it off with his thumb and nonchalantly shoving it into his back pocket.

“Oh, hey, Jessica.” He smiled at her, but his eyes darted around the empty hallway.

She cocked her head to the side, “Jess,” she reminded him. “You can call me Jess.”

“Jess,” he said, “I’m sorry. I forgot.” She was pretty sure he didn’t forget. He had called her Jess for most of the time they spent at the party, after eventually moving on from how fun her full name was to say while he was stoned. It had been a strange night, though entertaining nonetheless.

“How was your first class of summer school?” She asked him casually, trying to feign a casual interest in the conversation. God knows it was anything but.

“Good. It was good,” he mumbled. “I hate chemistry but, it was only an intro, so…”

Jessica smirked, “so you survived?” He cracked a smile, laughing gently.

“Yeah, I survived. For the most part.” She nodded, agreeing with the sentiment. “What about you?”

She shrugged, “Biology. It’s pretty easy though. Just the brain, neurons, neurotransmitters and chemicals. Psychology stuff.” Justin's eyes widened.

“You’re such a nerd.”

Smirking, she punched his shoulder, “shut up. I am not.” Then he smiled again, he didn’t look anywhere but at her.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I fucking wish I was smart.” He turned around and leaned against the lockers, crossing his arms. “If I was then I wouldn’t have to waste my summer here, right?” Jessica leaned her shoulder on the lockers beside him, resting her head against them too. She didn’t know how but there was something about him that was so easy to talk to. Their conversations were easy, but they were good. The right amount of butterflies that sat in the pit of her stomach. She was nervous because she liked him, but not nervous enough that she walked away hating every word that came out her mouth. She would walk away thinking about every word that came out of his mouth. And now her anger at him had dissipated.

“School smarts are overrated. I mean, once you graduate no one is gonna ask you what the powerhouse of the cell is. Unless you become a biology teacher for the ninth grade, of course. The school system is fucked.”

Justin smiled, “fuck yes, it is. This school is fucked.” Jessica nodded in agreement, her eyes wide with the shared sentiment. He was staring at the wall on the opposite side, on it a poster for the school mathletes, and she could tell he was trying to read the equations on it, followed by the tag line ‘if you can solve this, you can join us.’ She didn’t need to know the answers to the problems to know that he had no clue how to solve them. Her heart felt for him. Not because he was dumb, or because he was a bad person, or because of anything else that people said about him behind his back. But, because she understood what it was like not to be gifted, and to work hard for good grades.

Why was it that five minutes ago she was angry at him, and now she couldn’t care less? If he really was ghosting her, why was he so easily talking to her now? They were back to the way it was before, the way it was the night of the party. She was left with one question, and he was so easy to talk to that it just slipped out,

“Why didn’t you text me?” She asked. When he blinked, hearing and understanding the question, then turned his head to look at her, Jessica put on an innocent look. He wouldn’t break her heart, would he? He couldn’t. Not when her hair looked this cute.

“Shit,” he breathed. He shut his eyes, and shook his head. “I’m sorry.” Jessica crossed her arms across her chest and stared at him.

“Did you think it would be funny?” She asked him in a cold tone. “I talked to you for hours. I told you about my dad, and how I feel about you, and how I feel about life. You saw me cry. What? You just decided to ghost me after that?”

He ran his hand over his face, “God, no,” he insisted. “I was just…” He was avoiding her eyes. “I was embarrassed that I cried in front of you. Over my mom, and other shit. I thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me after that. I felt like such a pussy. Crying.” Jessica frowned. She had never thought of it like that. That he was scared of rejection just like she was.

Jessica shrugged. “It was hardly crying,” she said. “And anyone who says you’re a pussy for crying over _that_ is a dick.” Justin looked up at her and laughed quietly. “Fuck them. The only thing you should be embarrassed about from that party was how much of that cake you ate. Like, that was horrifying to witness.” He started to laugh. “You just shovelled it into your mouth and all I could do was draw a dick in the icing.”

Justin laughed, “yeah, turns out that was for Bryce’s mom’s birthday. So I owe him a whole cake now. And probably my first born child, or something.”

Jessica smiled, “fuck that. You ate half the cake and I drew genitalia on it. That was our fucking cake.” Their laughter died down, having echoed throughout the hallway until they were hushed by a teacher in one of the classrooms. Jessica moved closer to him, and he turned to lean his shoulder against the locker and face her.

“So, you’re not mad?”

Jessica screwed up her face. “I was mad. Cause you _did_ ghost me, idiot. But I was more mad because I thought you just wanted to hook up, and that you didn’t actually like me.”

“No,” he said defensively, “God, I like you. A lot.” Then it was his turn to screw up his face. “And I would never do that. Tell someone I like them for sex, and then blow them off. That’s shitty.” Then he smiled. “Even for me.”

She cocked her head, “you’re such a dick.”

He was still smiling, “I’m kidding. Obviously.”

Jessica sighed, pressing her lips together. “So are you gonna ask me out, or just stand here and flirt with me?”

Justin was smiling so widely he almost started laughing. “Shit, okay.” He stood up straighter and looked at her with sincerity. “Did you wanna maybe go out with me, sometime?”

“Sure,” Jessica agreed, nonchalantly, as if she hadn’t just asked him to ask her. “Where are you gonna take me?”

He scoffed, “I haven’t thought that far ahead yet. This strange girl just came up to me and told me to ask you out.” She cocked an eyebrow at him. “She was really beautiful. I couldn’t say no.” Jessica rolled her eyes at him as he smiled, and she tried to stop herself from smiling back. But it was futile.

“That was stupid,” she said, grinning at him.

He tilted his head, glad he got the reaction from her that he did. “Yeah, I know.” Then he shrugged, hearing the bell ring for the end of class. “But I will take you on that date,” he promised, “once I figure out what it will be.”

Jessica bit her lip. “Monet’s,” she decided. “What time do you finish today?”

“I have one more class. Now.” He stared at her in confusion.

“Okay. Today at one. You meet me here, and we’ll go to Monet’s for lunch.” He was almost wide eyed at the easy decision she made.

“Fuck, okay. I’ll see you in two hours.” He smiled. “You’re so–“

Jessica tilted her head. “Bossy? Bitchy? Intimidating? Mean?”

He laughed, “no, you’re such a badass. It’s fucking awesome.” He was smiling at her widely, awestruck still by the fact that she had organised the date so easily and so abruptly. Students started walking out of the classrooms in the hallway and Justin looked around. “Shit, I gotta go. But I’ll see you soon.” They both stared at each other. It was almost awkward as they both debated what to do. Jessica froze. Was he going to kiss her? Were they at that point yet? And in front of other people? And he did. He kissed her, very briefly and she hardly had time to process it before he pulled back. But it was still a kiss, and it still meant something. And she could say that kissing him sober was a very new experience, and she liked it. She liked a lot of things about him.


	7. First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i originally planned for 9 chapters of this but i seem to be getting new ideas every day and i want to follow their story up until the tapes come out. if y'all will let me. and i have some really intrinsic ideas to connect to scenes in the show. to explore why and how things happen.  
> don't ask why this chapter got so political. i'm an intersectional feminist. i believe wholeheartedly in closing the gap between classism and racism. they are very intertwined issues. and when you're writing about two characters, one who is poor and abused, and the other brown, it feels wrong not to realise how that could connect them. also, it comes in later too, and it's not happy.... you'll hate me for it.  
> disclaimer: not my characters. but lord at this point, i accept everything i write as canon bc i've developed these characters so closely to canon that it just feels so real.

Monet’s was fairly busy for a Monday afternoon, and the waiters were understaffed. There was a hectic shuffling from the front counter as coffee orders came through, and Jessica spaced herself well away from the crowd at a table in the corner. Justin offered to stand in line and order their food, which Jessica was all too eager to agree to. She hated standing in lines, especially when they were as busy as this one.

Surprisingly, it didn’t take him all that long and Jessica only exchanged a few short texts with Sheri about where she was before Justin sat down across from her at the table.

“They said the wait may be a little longer than usual because they’re so busy. But I told them it was fine.” Jessica waved her hand, as if to say the wait didn’t bother her. “So, I’m guessing it’s not usually this busy.” After Jessica pressed send on her message to her mom saying she was going out with Sheri for lunch and would be home later, she placed her phone face down on the table, glancing up at her company. Her date.

“Have you never been here before?” She asked.

He shrugged. “No, not really.”

“Not even on a date? Or for coffee?” She was shocked. “Never?”

“Once, but it hardly lasted more than a minute. I didn’t really familiarise myself with the place.”

Jessica laughed, “okay. Well, I used to come here all the time when I first started at Liberty.Best part of my day. I haven’t been in a long time though.”

“What? Why not?”

Jessica shrugged, “I don’t know. I just didn’t need to. The best part of my day became hanging out with my new friends, and seeing movies, and talking to them in class. Monet’s didn’t mean anything to me, anymore.” Then she smiled. “Their drinks are still fucking great though.”

“I bet,” he said with a smile. He leaned back in the chair opposite her, and folded his arms. “How are your pet rocks?”

Jessica furrowed her brow, “what?” Then she smiled. “How the hell do you even remember that?”

Justin shrugged, “because it’s the strangest thing anyone has ever told me in a casual conversation.” Then he laughed. “Also the best thing I’ve ever heard.” Jessica smiled, looking down at her hands in her lap, she was embarrassed.

“I used to take them to school with me everyday until I was fourteen.” He laughed gently. She bit her lip and shook her head. “Don’t. It’s so embarrassing.”

“It’s not,” he insisted. “It’s cute.”

She rolled her eyes, pulling on the bracelet around her wrist. “Now you have to tell me something embarrassing about you.” She rounded her eyes all innocent and pursed her lips. “It’s only fair.” He unfolded his arms and leaned forward, resting his elbow on the table and looking deep in thought. Jessica glanced around the cafe, the tables beside them were starting to fill up, and luckily none of the occupants were Liberty students, or anyone else Jessica knew. She didn’t know why the thought scared her, people seeing her with Justin, but it did. Maybe it was because of Hannah. Just the idea of being involved with him made Jessica a slut in people’s eyes. And that wasn’t right, but it didn’t stop people talking.

“Okay,” he said finally, and Jessica looked back at him. “My embarrassing story.” He was laughing, but it wasn’t like every other time she had seen him laugh, this time it was a laugh of nervousness. He didn’t strike her as the type of person who got nervous. “When I was a kid my mom told me that my dad was multiple famous actors.” Jessica’s eyes widened and she grinned. He didn’t seem to find it as funny as she did. “And I was fucking six, so I believed her. But I would tell people.”

“Wait, what actors? I need context.”

Justin scowled, “Brad Pitt, Tom fucking Cruise, even Johnny Depp.”

“Why so many?” Jessica asked, laughing.

“Because I would work out she was lying, and then she’d just fucking lie again.” This time he actually laughed with her, but it more so at the stupidity of his mom than the situation. “But I would believe her, for a while, and it wasn’t until I was like nine, almost ten, that Bryce and I worked out that she was just naming actors.”

Jessica grinned, “so what did you do?” He shrugged, the story becoming less interesting.

“She came clean. Eventually. And told me the truth.” Jessica felt all the energy go out of her as his tone was disappointed.

“Who is he?” She dared to ask. And she knew she shouldn’t have. Jessica didn’t usually pry into people’s personal secrets, but this one she couldn’t help herself from.

Justin shrugged, “just some fucking deadbeat. She told me she hardly knew him, but, he wanted nothing to do with me, or her. So,” his expression was one of nonchalance, “fuck him. I’ve never met him. I wouldn’t even know how.”

Jessica pressed her lips together. “Would you want to?”

“No,” his answer was quick, but Jessica didn’t doubt that he had put thought into it, just not today. “ _Fuck_ _him_.” She knew that his mom was troubled, he never described it as more than that, but Jessica could imagine. She figured that there must be a special place of hatred reserved for a father who would condemn their son to a life like that. One that didn’t even make him worthy of consideration.

“Fuck him,” Jessica agreed. He pulled out his phone momentarily and checked the home screen before shoving it back into his pocket, and Jessica wasn’t bothered. Usually she would have been. But this didn’t feel like a first date, or a date at all. Their conversation at Bryce’s party last week was somewhat of an icebreaker. But they had never needed an ice breaker.

When they met at the Winter Formal almost four months ago she had a tiny crush on him, and with time when she expected it to go away instead it grew into a kind of fondness. Their conversations after that were never casual. Or well, they wanted to be casual, but instead the way he made her feel meant that she would rather tell him about her pet rocks and see how he reacted, then discuss whatever poem they were studying in English Class. She had spent the last few months trying to force relationships with guys she barely knew. Her first dates were terrible, and awkward, because she felt uncomfortable simply speaking, fearing she was going to say the wrong thing. Now it was as though every other date before this was leading up to this moment, with this boy. It was a completely new experience. It was like a jigsaw puzzle where they were two pieces that just fit together. Nothing felt awkward. This didn’t feel forced.

It felt natural.

She wasn’t loud. She wasn’t intimidating. He wasn’t afraid of her, like so many other boys were. “I’ve wanted to ask you out for so long, but you’re so intimidating, I was scared.” She would want to roll her eyes at that, because they meant it as a compliment. Apparently she was so hot they got over their fear of her. “You’re not intimidating,” her mom would say as Jessica cried, “you’re confident and teenaged boys are spineless.” Sometimes her confidence was fake, and sometimes it was real. Some people were attracted to confidence, and some were attracted to feebleness. Jessica decided long ago she never wanted to be liked for the latter. And she wasn’t on a date with Justin Foley because he thought she was quiet and sweet. No, she was on a date with him because she had the confidence to ask him out, and he wasn’t intimidated by that. Now that was something.

* * *

“Wait, you haven’t seen Wonder Woman?”

He made a face, “don’t look at me like that. It came out last week, and you’ve met my friends.”

Jessica laughed, “point taken,” she surmised. “But, still, you should go see it. It’s good.” Then she smirked, tauntingly. “I can go with you, if it’s less embarrassing.”

He looked like he wanted to smile, “all right, but the popcorn is on me.”

Jessica cocked her head, “everything’s on you. I’ve seen it before, and I paid that time.”

Laughing, he nodded, “deal. I hope your taste in movies is good.”

She shrugged, “it is,” and he laughed gently. The waiter from the front counter came up to their table, holding two drinks. He was familiar to Jessica, someone she had seen around Monet’s for a long time, and his accent, an unidentifiable but very thick Latino accent, was practically unforgettable.

“Jessica,” he said, his tone was bewildered, “I haven’t seen you here in so long. And I’m so sorry about the wait.” He placed down the two tall glasses of iced chocolate, overtly decorated with whipped cream and chocolate bits. “No hot chocolate? That was always your usual, if I remember correctly.” Jessica smiled politely, glancing up at the waiter who used to serve her, Hannah and Alex frequently last year.

“I can’t believe you remember, it’s been, what? Almost a year?”

The waiter laughed, “of course I remember. You only ever ordered a hot chocolate. And it was autumn, it wasn’t even cold outside.”

Jessica laughed with him, “well, they are good, but I’m branching out and trying something new.” With a friendly smile, he nodded in support of her choices. As he turned to go back he told Jessica and Justin that the rest of their order would be out soon, and they thanked him. Jessica watched the waiter walk down the steps before looking back at Justin who was watching her curiously.

“Hot chocolate?” He asked. “What was that about?”

Jessica tried not to smile, “Hannah and I used to always order hot chocolates when we came here after school every day. It was the fix to our shitty first days at Liberty.” Then she shrugged. “But I don’t need one right now.”

“I’m glad,” he said with a nod. She wasn’t sure if he understood that she meant it as a compliment to him, but she didn’t really care. The sentiment seemed to darken his mood slightly, she noticed that he withdrew and she immediately regretted mentioning Hannah. That was stupid of her.

When the waiter came back, he dropped off the meals they had ordered with a polite smile before being called over to the table across from them. As the two of them started eating, Jessica couldn’t help but listen to the conversation next to them.

“I ordered my meal almost twenty minutes ago,” the woman argued. We ordered almost an hour ago, Jessica thought, and she would have been scowling were she not on a date, and eating a sandwich. “The service in this place is terrible. I don’t know what they call it in your country but here it just doesn’t cut it.” Jessica saw the woman was of middle age, she was white and the pearls around her neck made her look like she belonged anywhere but in a small town cafe like Monet’s. When Jessica made eye contact with Justin across the table, she rolled her eyes and nodded her head toward the angry woman that was obnoxiously complaining. Justin glanced over and rolled his eyes as well, then looked back at Jessica.

“Fucking rich people,” he whispered to her.

Jessica smirked, “fucking white people.” He shut his eyes tightly in annoyance and nodded his head.

“Should we do something?” He asked her in a hushed voice. “I feel bad.” They both glanced over as the waiter was apologising profusely.

Jessica shrugged, “what can we do? Just wait and they’ll ask her to leave.” Hesitantly, he nodded. Jessica was surprised that he had a conscience, more so than she did even. But she figured wanting to help someone being verbally abused in a cafe was just a decent human thing. It didn’t mean anything. Did it?

* * *

“How was your food?” Justin asked, standing up from the table. Jessica glanced up at him for a second, before looking back at the chair she pushed in.

“It was good,” she said with a nod. “The wait wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought.” And it gave them time to talk, so, she liked that too.

“Right,” he agreed. “I can’t believe I never knew about this place.” She wandered around the table and followed him down the steps as they began to leave. Her shoes clicked against the wooden floors as she quickly skidded down the steps, making sure the bag strap on her shoulder didn’t slip. She was hardly two steps behind him as he walked through the cafe, and Jessica reached out to hold his hand as they came to the door. But when their hands touched, he stopped, but not because of her. Their waiter passed them and smiled goodbye, and the two of them smiled back. Then Justin put his hand into his pocket and searched for something, Jessica wasn’t sure what. Pulling out some dollar bills from deep inside his pocket, he glanced back at Jessica.

“One second,” he said, letting go of her hand. As he walked back through the cafe and up to the front counter, Jessica watched him curiously. She looked around Monet’s and by now it had emptied out, but still she had no idea what he was doing. He went to the tip jar at the counter, and without hesitation he shoved the money inside. There no humble glances around to see if anyone saw him, no telling the barista, nor did he do it sheepishly. It was so casual, and she respected that. Then he turned around and walked back to Jessica again, who was smiling.

“For the waiter that got harassed,” he explained nonchalantly. “My mom is a waitress, and the pay is shit. He deserves better for dealing with shit like that. They all do.” Jessica folded her arms and tilted her head, glancing back at the front counter.

“Now I feel like I should tip too.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, “I stole that money from Bryce’s, and I tipped enough for both of us, so,” he looked proud of himself for the idea.

“Very Robin Hood of you,” she said.

He blinked. “What?”

“Robin Hood,” she repeated, “the character? Steals from the rich to give to the poor? He’s a hero. It’s iconic.” His expression was blank. He had no idea. Jessica rolled her eyes, “seriously?” She laughed, and it made him smile out of pure confusion that he had no idea what she was talking about. Huffing a sigh, she stepped back and walked to the front counter where he had just come back from. Making sure no one was looking, because what they would see would be pretty awful out of context, Jessica stuck her hand into the open tip jar and pulled out half the money Justin had put in. She turned to him, held it up so he was looking, and then put it back in the jar. Simple as that. Now she felt like Robin Hood too. Which was stupid, but he found it funny. Grinning as she walked back, Justin held out his hand to her, and she took it, scrunching up her face at him and laughing. They walked out of the cafe, and turned right down the street. Jessica intertwined their fingers, which people always did in the movies when they really liked someone, and maybe that’s what it symbolised for her, but she thought maybe it was just normal for him. And then there was this sudden crushing weight that fell onto her shoulders with that thought. He had dated so many girls before her, and done things that Jessica probably didn’t even know existed. That wasn’t what scared her. She didn’t care what it was that he had done, or who he had done it with. She was scared because she had done none of it, and she couldn’t compare. And stupid fucking Alex had made it seem like she could compare.

“What’s wrong?” Justin asked her, glancing over in confusion. “Why are you looking at me like that?” She realised she was staring at him, and she had gotten lost in her thoughts.

She quickly tore her eyes away and looked at the pavement as they walked. “It’s nothing. It’s fine.” Then she bit her lip. “I just don’t get it. How are you so nice?”

He made a face, “what?” He laughed. “What does that mean?”

Jessica clicked her tongue, she let go of his hand and pressed her lips together. “I mean, they say a lot of shit about you at Liberty, rumours and things. And I know that you did a really shitty thing to Hannah Baker, and you broke her heart. But every time I talk to you it’s like you’re a completely different person to what everyone says.” That was when he stopped walking, and they got to a small alleyway that he turned the corner into. He pulled on her hand to follow him, and he followed it until they were far enough from the busy main street. Jessica glanced around, it wasn’t too dirty or dangerous. This was a main part in town, an alleyway between a salon and a bakery, it was never going to be scary. Justin leaned against the brick wall, the red paint peeling from years of wear. His expression was solemn, and Jessica regretted speaking her mind the way she did.

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” she whispered, and he shook his head.

“You didn’t,” he assured her in the same quiet tone. “You really didn’t.” She moved over to stand beside him, realising that he wanted to stop for a reason, and leaned against the wall. “That photo was fucked up,” he said, then he looked at her, his eyes were pleading. “I swear to you that I didn’t send that around. It was fucking Bryce, and I tried to stop him.” Then he looked back at his feet and Jessica watched him, noticing the genuine regret in his voice. “I told Hannah I was sorry. And I really was. And I’d never make that mistake again. But I look back now and I think that was stupid. Why did I do that?” He shrugged. “But, I come from nothing, and I have nothing. But, being friends with those guys, with Bryce, it’s like I finally have something.” Crossing his arms, Jessica watched as he looked disappointed with himself. “Sometimes I do shitty things, when I’m around them, or I say things that I don’t mean. And there are lines that I won’t cross. Things I just won’t do. But, at the end of the day,” he took a breath, like this was the most honest thing he was ever going to say, “for me it doesn’t matter if the rest of Liberty thinks I’m a dick, or a player, or fucking whatever. Because the people that everyone pays attention to at the end of the day, are Bryce, and all those guys. So it only matters what they think of me.”

Jessica frowned. “And what do they think of you?”

He laughed to himself, “they think I’m just like the fucking best.” But then he frowned. “And that’s only because people consider me,” and he put up air quotes with his fingers, “a player.”

“Yeah,” Jessica said with a nod, “I’ve heard that.”

“But I’m not nice. Nobody is.” He folded his arms across his chest and shrugged. “Everybody in this world is terrible. They’ve done something terrible, thought something terrible, wanted to do something terrible. This world is fucked up. But, so is determining one person’s whole character on a single interaction or rumour.”

“I don’t believe that,” Jessica said, then glanced back at him. “The first part,” she corrected, “the last bit was surprisingly deep.” She made a face. “I think you’re nice. And I think no matter what small mistakes you’ve made they shouldn’t determine who you are.”

He smiled, “of course you think that,” he said, “have you ever made a mistake? A bad mistake?”

“Plenty,” she told him, “and all the time. But I move on. I make decisions, in the moment, and I don’t sit back a week from then hating myself for it. I refuse to be sorry for mistakes that mean nothing in the larger picture.”

He smirked, “very wise.” Jessica laughed and poked his shoulder.

“Shut up,” she said with a smile, “and take my advice. You don’t have to be in your head all the time and dwelling on the bad shit.”

He shrugged, “that’s easy for you to say. I have a lot of bad shit to dwell on, and it couldn’t compare to yours.” Then he looked down at his feet, realising that he was insulting her, kind of. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it in a rude way.” Jessica huffed and stood up straight, leaning back up from the wall. Justin was a lot more interesting of a person than the cheerleaders, or Hannah gave him credit for. For someone who drank as much as he did, and smoked as much pot as she had heard rumours of, there had to be a deeper conscience to him than just being an asshole, or a player. And the story he had told her about the photo, the reasoning behind why he did what he did, Jessica realised he was never as bad as she thought he was. He was sweet, and he was troubled, but he didn’t mean anyone any harm.

She compared Justin’s reasoning behind the photo, to what Alex had done with the list. Popularity, and was she willing to get involved with someone who cared that much about their reputation, and about the opinions on people like Bryce Walker. But there was a distinct difference between what Justin had done to Hannah, and what Alex had done to Jessica. When Justin showed that photo to his friends, and told them he and Hannah had hooked up, he didn’t do it to _hurt_ Hannah. He didn’t know. And when that photo went around, he didn’t want it to happen. He didn’t want everyone to know. But Alex knew exactly what he was doing when he wrote Jessica’s name on that list. It wasn’t some kind of accident, and he knew what he was doing when he hooked up with Hannah as revenge. Alex _meant_ to hurt Jessica, and Justin had never meant to hurt Hannah. There was a difference, and Jessica didn’t they were at all comparable.

Jessica took a step closer to him, and tilted her head. “Can I tell you a secret? A secret I haven’t told anyone else?” He nodded, it wasn’t an enthusiastic nod, nor was it a hesitant one. It was gentle. Supportive. Because any secret that she hadn’t told anyone else should come out in a safe space, and he had told her his secrets. Now she was safe to tell him hers. “I’m not in summer school because my dad made me go, or because he thinks I’m gonna cause trouble while he’s gone.” She stared at her feet. “I’m failing two classes. Algebra and Calculus. They were threatening to put me into remedial math if I didn’t sign up for summer school.”

“Oh shit.”

“And I was so embarrassed that I haven’t told anyone. Not even Sheri, or my parents. People think I’m smart, and I used to be, but then it just got so _hard_. It’s like everyone else got let in on this new kind of math and I have no fucking clue.” She leaned back against the wall and crossed her arms over her chest. “My dad is really smart, and he used help me with math all the time. I’ve gotten straight A’s since I started middle school. But, he was always around because my brothers were young, and we moved a lot because he wanted to be with them rather than fly across the country every few months. Now that we’re here, and now that they’re older, he’s started leaving again. For long periods of time. So, he’s never around to help me.”

“Jess, that sucks. But it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” He shrugged. “And people who think it is, well, fuck them. All the smart kids who look at us and think one day we’ll be sweeping the floors of their fucking mansions. Those kinds of people have never experienced a day of hardship in their life. They’re assholes. And despite what they tell you, the grades you get now will mean nothing in five years time.”

She laughed gently. “I knew you’d be the best person to admit that too.”

He smiled, “I’ll keep your secret, though. No one has to know why you’re doing summer school.” She turned around to face him. “We can do it together, because I need to pass, and I think you do too.”

Jessica smiled, “I’m pretty sure we’re both way to shitty at maths to help each other.” With a laugh, he didn’t try to disagree, nor did he agree. It didn’t mean they couldn’t suck at maths together. Now that, Jessica thought, was romantic. She was down for that. Justin pushed himself off the wall and took ahold of her hand, starting back to the main pavement as if nothing had happened. Jessica followed without complaint, she kind of wanted to get back to the fun part of the date. She knew she never should have brought up Hannah in the first place, it was inconsiderate. But now she knew the truth, and no, she wasn’t put off her crush on him. Instead she would have defended him, even. He made a mistake. Everybody made mistakes, and he never meant any harm.

When they turned the corner and started walking down the pathway again, Jessica turned to him, confused. “Why did you steal Bryce’s money?” He glanced over at her, laughing, before realising she was asking him a serious question.

“I’m house sitting,” he explained, “and he has this bowl of money in the pool house, you remember the one, and so I took some.”

Jessica smirked, “isn’t he gonna be mad?”

Clicking his tongue, Justin shrugged, “well, they have more than enough cash to go around. And it’s Bryce’s weed money anyway.” Then he moved closer to her on the pathway and whispered to her. “I’m also counting on him coming back and realising it’s gone, only for his parents to blame the maid. Which sounds shitty, but then I’m gonna tell them I took it. And then they’ll feel like assholes for being racist.”

Jessica made a face, “what?” Was the only word she could manage. She had no idea what any of that meant.

“Bryce said his dad thinks their maid steals shit from their house when they go on vacation. Which is racist because she’s Guatemalan, and so they think she’s some kind of criminal or whatever. She’s really nice to me. But I thought it would be funny to fuck them over a little bit.” Jessica could only just grasp what he meant. The maid was brown, and poor, and so they thought she might steal from their expensive house. But Justin, who was white, and poor as well, was their son’s best friend so they didn’t expect him to steal anything. It was racial stigma, Jessica knew what that was like, in the guise of classism, something she wasn’t familiar with but she could tell Justin was.

“I like that plan,” she said, “but it could backfire and they could get mad at you for stealing weed money.”

He shook his head, “Bryce’s parents have paid for most of my food and weed over the years, so this is nothing to them.” Jessica wanted to ask more questions, but she knew it was crossing a line. So she didn’t. But she did realise that he had a house all to himself for the summer. A very expensive and fancy house with a hot tub and a pool, and weed lying around everywhere. And that sounded pretty good. Maybe not the weed part, because she didn’t smoke, but she did love hot tubs, and she liked hanging out with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here i just wanted to add in some stuff about this chapter. and try not to sound pretentious like 'omg my writing is so deep and meaningful' its not. the show just makes it easy to write and explore these characters, and i have watched their scenes a lot, and i have a whole blog on tumblr where i answer messages about them all the time. these characters are almost part of me at this point, and i don't know how or why it happened. but it did. 
> 
> anyway. their chat about the photo was supposed to be foreshadowing the bit at jessica's party when she defends him to hannah, and really doesn't seem to care about what he did, as opposed to in episode two when you see her being like 'fuck justin' so obviously at some point she hated him for it, but something changed that. i'd see it as partially justin's explanation, but also that at that point in their relationship, she really cares about him. more so than she does hannah, and she doesn't want to entertain the idea of him being a bad person, when she knows he isn't.
> 
> also the thing with the maid. yeah. that comes in later, and it's not gonna be pretty. well it is, but it'll lead to something much less pretty.


	8. Math Problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is purely fluff & fun. so have a good time with that. i'm putting it in bc later on it will get sadder and y'all are gonna lose your shit with me over it. so, have fun while you still can ;) <3  
> disclaimer: do i have to put these every chapter? oh well. not my characters. but they should be. i respect them more than the writers ever will at this point.

“It’s a matrix,” Jessica said, pointing to the graph in his book.

“What, like the movie?” Justin asked, oblivious. She looked around the near empty library to see if anyone heard his comment. They didn’t. They all had their headphones in and heads buried in their books.

She squinted, “Jesus, no, what the hell does that have to do with math?” She huffed a laugh. “It’s a box with numbers in it and you multiply or divide them with other boxes.” She tapped the page with the end of the pen, cocking her head at him.

“Oh,” he drawled, but she didn’t think he understood. Jessica rolled her eyes and shuffled her chair closer to his. She pointed to the numbers in the graph and made sure he was paying attention.

“You add the one on this matrix to the seven on the other matrix,” she ran her finger across the page, “then you multiply ten by the five on this one.”

It took him a moment, but then he smiled, “so it’s eight, and then fifty.”

She grinned, “yeah, you got it.” She tapped the last part of the equation. “So those numbers go in this final box as your answer.”

He leaned back in the chair and looked at her, “God, you’re so smart,” he said with a smile.

Jessica rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t hide her smile, “do your math,” she told him, “don’t try and change the subject.”

He leaned back even further, stretching out in the chair, “no,” he said with a smile, “I can’t, it’s too hard.”

Jessica glanced back at him, “I know,” she said, “but you have to at least try.”

He reached up and stretched his arms over his head, casually shrugging his shoulders, “can’t we just do it later? It’s almost lunch and I’m hungry.” She grabbed his arm and pulled it back down.

She smirked, “stop being cute and do the work.” With a laugh he intertwined their fingers and she let him. “It sucks, but if you wanna play basketball next season you gotta do it.” He was frowning, and she she leaned back in her chair too. “Look, you don’t have to get straight A’s, no one expects that. Just aim for like a C, just, like, a pass. Okay?”

He nodded, “yeah, okay.” He sat up straight in the chair and went back to his notebook,letting go of her hand and writing in the answers she had just helped him with. “I really wish I could help you with your math, but I can’t. So I’m sorry.” She folded her arms and sat back in her chair, watching him write.

“It’s fine. The teacher is better than my old one. I’m actually learning something for once.” Finishing the equation he sat up straight and started chewing on the end of the pencil.

He smiled, “that’s great.”

“So do you understand matrices?”

He shrugged, “kind of. Like I get the adding and stuff, when it’s got rows and columns. But I’m still not sure I know what I’m doing.”

Jessica nodded, “like you can do it, but you don’t know if it’s right?” He nodded. “Just have to keep trying. You’ll get it eventually.”

Smiling, he nodded, “okay.” He shrugged sheepishly. “No one’s ever helped me like this. They always give up and just expect me to work it out. Which fucking sucks.”

She frowned, “God, people suck.” Then she smirked at him, “but you don’t.” He playfully rolled his eyes at her, smiling. He grabbed her hand and tugged on it until she got the message. With a small smile, Jessica stood up and slipped her legs under the arms of the chair until she was sitting in his lap.

She cocked her head, “math is boring,” she complained.

“Yeah,” he agreed, gently kissing her once before she started giggling. “Your hair looks really pretty today,” he told her quietly, “like it does everyday.” She picked up a curl between her fingers and gestured for him to reach out and touch it.

“It’s natural,” she said, and he took the piece of hair and touched her nose with it until she giggled. “My mom always wants to straighten it but fuck that. I think it’ll make my forehead look way too big.”

“No way,” he said, “you’d look pretty even without hair.” She pretended to gag at the thought and he laughed. “I’m serious,” he told her, through laughter, “you could make it work.”

She was scowling. “Shut up, I could not.” He just smiled at her, his laughter beginning to subside. Reaching up he tucked her hair behind her ear, then his hand ran down to hold her waist. She scrunched up her nose at him, and he did the same in return. But it was cute when he did it. She leaned in and kissed him, and she didn’t care if people were watching. He pulled her closer, his hands holding onto her waist, and her skirt was sliding higher and higher up her thighs. But no one could see up it at this point, so that was good. She reached around to move her hands off his cheeks, and down to his neck. He started kissing her harder, and she didn’t object. She could feel eyes on them as they made out in the library, mostly glares and side eyes from people trying to study, and that didn’t really bother her.

What did bother her was the sound of someone clearing their throat. Loudly, and closely. She hadn’t even heard any footsteps, or felt like there was anyone else standing near them. They both pulled away from each other like deer caught in headlights, and looked up.

“This is a library,” the librarian told them, her eyes were tired, this looked like an in-genuine scolding. “If you’re going to continue then I’ll need to ask you to go somewhere else.”

Justin almost laughed, “shit, sorry Angela.”

She shrugged, “don’t worry about it, Justin. But,” she glanced around the library, “please just be safe.” Looking between each other, Justin and Jessica laughed.

“We are,” Jessica told her. “And we can go. That’s fine.” The librarian nodded, unfolding her arms and taking her tired scowl back to the checkout desk. Jessica looked back at Justin who watched the librarian walk off.

“You wanna come back to mine, or well, Bryce’s?” Jessica almost went wide eyed. She didn’t know their relationship was at this point already. It had been only a week since their first date. And yes, she had seen him every day of that week, but that was in the library, or at the diner, or Monet’s, or in the Algebra class they were both taking. This was a new step. A step she liked.

“Sure,” she agreed. “I’d like to see that house not covered in vomit and vodka.” She drew her legs back out from the arms of the chair and stood up. “You’re driving.”

Smirking, he stood up after her. “All right then,” they both gathered up their notebooks from the table, and then pushed in their chairs. Jessica shoved hers into her bag, and slung the strap over her shoulder. Thinking about how strange this would look, and how funny. The two of them being told to knock it off, or leave, and then choosing to leave. Everyone in the library knew exactly what their priorities were now, and that would have been humiliating, Jessica thought, if she wasn’t currently going to the most expensive house she had ever seen to make out with a boy she _really_ liked. Jessica didn’t think her high school years could get better than this.

She followed Justin out of the library as he smiled at the Librarian. Jessica glanced between the two of them. “What’s that about?” She asked curiously. There was no doubt in her mind that Justin had never been to the library at Liberty before. Jessica rarely had, for sure.

“Oh, that?” He clicked his tongue. “Angela and I go way back.” Jessica caught up to him as they wandered the empty halls, she looked up at him, smiling.

“Like ‘you both get high together on the weekends’ way back? Or, like, what?”

Then he chuckled, “no, it’s not like that. Definitely not like that.” When he realised it was a serious question, his smile dropped, and he withdrew again. He was always so confident and playful, until Jessica asked specific questions, and then he would get all quiet. She wasn’t sure why. But the answers to those questions always ended up being very personal, and she assumed that he was ashamed, even when he didn’t need to be. Jessica thought back to when Hannah told her that Justin couldn’t hold an intellectual conversation to save himself, but Jessica now realised that he could, you just had to ask him the right questions.

“You can tell me the truth,” she said to him, “I don’t care.”

He let out a short breath, giving her small appreciative smile. “Sometimes I couldn’t get the text books we needed for classes, but the librarian, Angela, would always let me borrow them from the library so I could do my homework.”

Jessica smiled, “that’s sweet.” He shrugged nonchalantly, as though it was just normal. His normal every day life. That made Jessica sad.

* * *

Jessica was amazed at how large and how expensive Bryce’s house was, and Justin spared no detail in giving her the tour. He took her through each of the bedrooms, even the ones he wasn’t allowed in. He showed her the kitchen, the laundry room, the four bathrooms, the living room, the study, and then finally the bedroom they used to spare for Justin when he was younger and needed to stay the night.

“The Walkers are really fucking nice to me,” he told her, “even though they can be…”

“Stuck up rich assholes?” Jessica finished for him.

“Exactly.”

The two of them finished the tour, ending up back in the pool house where Justin very happily showed her the bowl where Bryce kept all his weed money, and then told her that there used to be much more money in there before he took it. She found that funny.

Justin liked Jessica more than he had ever liked anyone before, or at least he was pretty sure. His feelings for Jessica at this point were so all consuming that he forgot completely how he had ever felt about any other girl. If he was an idiot, and if he hadn’t had his heart broken dozens of times by girls who ran at the first sign that he wasn’t what he seemed, then he might have even said that he was in love with Jessica Davis. But he wouldn’t say that. He couldn’t. Love did not exist, and he did not deserve to feel it.

The fact that she even liked him back, that she was even here, astounded him. Not because of some self deprecating joke, or because they were some sort of star crossed lovers bullshit. But, because he had opened up to her more than he had any other girl, and it was only one week into their relationship. She was still here, when she had every sign and every chance to run. What was more impossible than that.

When they talked it felt natural, and he felt comfortable. When he told her things about his mom, about his life, he didn’t feel like he had to lie, or sugarcoat it. And she didn’t just let him fall silent when the conversations got tense. Jessica would get the truth out of him, and she did in a way that made him feel comfortable again. It was like she just didn’t care, but in a good way. She didn’t treat him like a child, or someone who needed to be coddled, or protected. She treated him like a person, like the person he had always wanted to be, the one he pretended to be. She knew the truth, and she still thought he was the fucking best. Jessica Davis was too good to be true. Justin knew there had to be a catch, or some way that he would fuck it up, because he fucked up everything. Eventually.

Their afternoon together at the Walker house was the best time Justin had ever spent in that huge, lonely house. He understood now why Bryce threw parties all the time, and always invited Justin over. It got lonely in that huge house. He got _so_ lonely.

Jessica and Justin played video games in the pool house, they went swimming in the pool, in their underwear, then Jessica wanted to try the hot tub so they did that too. He had more fun with Jessica at Bryce’s, than he had ever had smoking pot with Bryce himself. That said a lot, and he never wanted it to end. They started fooling around in the hot tub, nothing that they hadn’t done the night of Bryce’s party, but when she crawled into his lap and things began to heat up, he noticed the excitement go out of Jessica’s face. He hadn’t realised what it was until she told him as he was kissing her neck.

“I’m a virgin,” she said, “I’ve never had sex before.”

He loosened his hold on her thighs, “shit,” he completely froze, “shit, fuck.” He let go of her completely, moving his hands back to his sides and letting her sit over him. “Jess, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to–“ He hoped she didn’t think he only wanted to have sex with her. He would have, for sure. But he wanted nothing more than for his relationship with Jessica to be about more than just sex. He wanted her to be happy, and comfortable. He didn’t want to make the same mistakes that he had before.

She shook her head. “You didn’t,” she assured him. “You really didn’t. I just thought you should know.” She shrugged her shoulders slightly. “I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

“That’s totally okay,” he told her gently, “we don’t have to do that until you’re ready. It’s okay.” Her shoulders slumped slightly, and he put his arms around her waist, holding her on his lap. “What’s wrong?” He asked her cautiously.

She huffed, then proceeded to ask him a question very reluctantly, “did you think I had? Like, had sex?” He didn’t know how to answer the question so she rephrased it, and very bluntly. “Did Alex tell you that I’d slept with him?”

Justin shrugged, “I don’t know. I think he might have mentioned something to Zach, and Bryce. Why?”

She breathed a small, sarcastic laugh. “You remember the hot or not list?” He shook his head. “The list about all the girls in the year? Hannah Baker got best ass, and I got worst.”

He made a face of disdain, “oh, shit. Yeah, I vaguely remember that.”

“Well, Alex put my name in the worst column because I wouldn’t have sex with him. So he dumped me, and he humiliated me. And he also cheated on me with Hannah Baker.”

As if he could have screwed up his face anymore, he tried, “what the fuck?” He whispered. “That’s so…” He scoffed. “Sounds like something Bryce would do.” Jessica nodded that it sounded about right.

“Did you put anyone on that list?” She asked him.

“Just one,” he told her, “Zach Dempsey for best legs but they wouldn’t take it. It was girls only, apparently.” He pretended to pout, and Jessica giggled. “I think there should be a re-do with no worst column, but you’re the only contestant.”

She groaned before bursting into laughter, “you're so flirty today.” Then she grinned. “Let’s make our own list, and _not_ send it around Liberty like assholes.”

“Best and worst, or what?”

She shook her head, “like a non sexual one. Like best of and worst of people, in general.”

“Wait, like what?” She shrugged her shoulders and stood up straight in the hot tub, leaning on the seats to grab her phone off the pavement beside the tub. “Jess,” he complained, not really wanting to play this game.

“Shh,” she brushed him off, coming back to sit on his lap and holding her phone between them. “Come on, give me some categories.” He wrapped his arms around her waist to make sure she didn’t fall back, or drop her phone in the water. “How about nicest person in our year?”

“Sheri Holland,” he answered, not even thinking about it. Jessica glanced up from her phone, smiling.

“I thought the exact same,” she agreed, then typed Sheri’s name.

“I swear she’s too good for anyone at Liberty.” Jessica nodded her head.

“Okay, and who is the biggest asshole in our year? You’ve got to have an answer for that.” He smirked, wanting to say Bryce, but also Monty, maybe even himself. But he had a the answer Jessica wanted to hear.

“Alex Standall,” he answered, trying not to laugh.

With a smile, she looked like she was about to roll her eyes, “you’re such a dick.” But she wrote Alex’s name down anyway. “Slash,” she said, looking up to see his reaction, “Bryce Walker?”

With a shrug, and a nonchalant gesture, he let her. “Deal.” She eagerly typed the name in.

“Now, most likely to kill someone?” She looked up at him and his eyes went wide.

“Fuck. Go big or go home, I guess.” She smirked at him. “Shit, I don’t know. Maybe Monty, I’ve seen him hit some people really fucking hard.”

“No, like _actual_ murder,” Jessica corrected.

Justin laughed, “what the fuck is this game, Jess?” She burst into laughter and decided to give up on that one, or she decided to type Monty’s name in. He wasn’t sure, he couldn’t see the phone screen.

“You can have…” she thought on it a moment, “best smile.” So he smiled, and she was even more sure of her decision.

“I think you should have that one,” he suggested, “and I can have best legs.”

Jessica scoffed, “no way, that’s going to Zach.” He chuckled at that, and pulled her closer again for fear that she might slip as she typed. “What’s my category? You get to choose.” He had about a million different categories running through his mind the moment she suggested the game, all of which she was eligible for.

“You can have the prettiest eyes category,” he said, and blushing, she looked away from his eyes the moment he said it. “Give me your phone. I wanna type it in.” He let go of her and made sure she was balancing as he took the phone from her. He looked over the previous categories which was everything they had said. He noticed though that she had typed his name next to his category first, and unlike every other person on their, she hadn’t written his full name. That felt like an unconscious sign of familiarity, a closeness between them both.

“What are you putting in? Do I agree with it?”

He smirked up at her, “you will.” He wrote underneath his name the category for best eyes, and then he wrote Jess’ name, like she had written his. Then he typed more. He put down best ass and wrote Jess’ name next to it, then below it he wrote the worst category. Then he put Alex’s name down. Handing the phone back to her with a smile, he waited for her reaction. “Justice has been served.” She looked up at him with a wide smile, but she had no words. Instead she leaned down to kiss him quickly before going back to her phone. He just sat and watched her as she scrolled on her phone, he wasn’t sure what she was looking at but he assumed it was instagram, or facebook. Some kind of social media. Under the water he held her thighs, and Jessica sat up on her knees over him. She was still scrolling, and then after a second, she started dancing. Mindlessly, like she didn’t even know she was doing it. She started swaying her hips side to side, humming to herself. Justin only watched her, she didn’t even notice him smiling at her. She was so pretty.

Jessica turned her phone around to him so he could see a funny picture from her instagram. When he laughed she turned it back around and kept scrolling, still swaying her hips and now her shoulders.

“Can we listen to some music?” She asked. And so they did. But not in the hot tub. They both eventually climbed out and went into the main house, drying off with the towels from inside. They left trails of dripping water all through the house, but they didn’t care. Jessica hooked up her phone to the speakers in the Walker’s living room, and pressed shuffle on her music. Justin went through the cupboards in the kitchen opposite to look for any chocolate because Jessica loved chocolate, and he did eventually find some for her. She was dancing excitedly around the living room, singing along to a Queen song he couldn’t remember the name of. She looked so happy, and she was so full of life as though she had no care in the world. Jessica didn’t need alcohol, or drugs to be happy, or to have fun. And when Justin was with her he didn’t need them either. He hoped it would stay like that as long as they were together. That she would always be happy, and then maybe he would always be happy too.

When he held out the chocolate to her she went wide eyed with excitement, running up to him between the two rooms and jumping up. She took it from him and wrapped her arms around his neck, then when he least expected it, she jumped up and hooked her legs around his waist and he stumbled back. He did catch her, and they didn’t fall because that would have been embarrassing. She held onto him with her forearms and opened the block of chocolate behind his head.

“Oh my god!” She cried in excitement. “I fucking love this stuff,” she took a bite right out of the block like a weirdo, as though she were drunk and she was very sober, “and I love this song!” Justin only laughed, holding her thighs as she hooked her legs around him.

“Are you gonna eat the whole thing?” He asked.

Jessica scoffed, “Jesus, of course not. I don’t wanna get fat.”

He laughed, “well, share then.” Groaning in protest, she snapped off a piece of chocolate and shoved it into his mouth before he could say anything. “Thank you,” he said as he chewed and she rolled her eyes. She tapped his arm and he let go of her so that she dropped to stand right in front of him. He looked at the chocolate block with teeth marks in it and laughed. “What the fuck is this?” She burst into laughter and brushed it off, putting the block down on the end table by the couch. As the next song started Jessica’s mouth dropped, and she got all excited over it. She grabbed his hand and ran over to the dining room, climbing up on one of the chairs and then onto the twelve seat long dining table, she grinned.

“Come on,” she urged.

He laughed at her as she started dancing to ABBA’s Dancing Queen, “Jess, this is dangerous.” But she didn’t look like she cared. He grabbed a pillow off the couch and threw it at her and she caught it mid air, glaring at him before hurling at back at him until it hit him in the face. He called out her name through laughter and she almost doubled over on the table as she cackled.

“Your face!” She cried. He grabbed the pillow and threw it back at her, then grabbed a second off the couch.

“Fuck you,” he said, climbing onto the dining table with her. They were both barefoot and this would be dangerous if they fell off, luckily they were sober. As if that counted for anything at this point. When she swung the pillow at him over the chorus of Dancing Queen, he caught it mid air and her eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights. Then he rounded his arm around and hit her with his pillow and she shut her eyes, barely feeling the hit. Angrily she shouted the lyrics of the song to him and wildly threw the pillow at him with no plan of attack, which he just let hit him because he didn’t care. They both laughed as the pillow fight became closer to a sword fight as the pillows met in the middle each time one of them swung. Jessica was losing, badly, and eventually Justin gave up and grabbed the pillow off her and threw them both back onto the couch. It didn’t bother her at all, she went right back to singing along to Bohemian Rhapsody, which she seemed to know all the words to. They both sang along and danced, though one could hardly call it dancing as they both would have looked like idiots to anyone watching. When they got to the third verse, Jessica decided to sing the low parts and Justin did the high parts, and they both surprisingly fit for their roles. But when they got to the amp up, they both started jumping on the dining table, and they were lucky it was stable enough to hold them both. But as the iconic guitar solo came up, and they were stupidly enjoying themselves too much playing the air guitar. A figure walked into the room and stared at them in sure confusion. Justin was the first to notice, and he stopped completely, looking over.

“Marissa!” He shouted, overly excited, and the maid looked more than concerned for the two teenagers standing on the dining table she had to keep hygienic.

She was frowning. “Who is this? And what are the two of you doing?” Justin jumped off the table, and Jessica stopped after hearing Justin call out.

He looked up at her on the table, and then back at Marissa. “This is my girlfriend, Jessica.” And that made Jessica smile. “We were just having fun. Sorry. We didn’t think you’d be coming around.” Marissa didn’t look too bothered. Justin was sure she had put up with weirder situations with Bryce, he had done some questionable things throughout their childhood.

Marissa shrugged it off, “well, would you two like some dinner?”

Jessica went wide eyed. “Shit, what time is it?” She came to the edge of the table and put her hand on Justin’s shoulder as she jumped down.

“It’s almost six,” Marissa said, “I came over to see if you needed some food, or anything washed, Justin. Do you?”

He shook his head, smiling at her, “no, no, I’m all good, Marissa. Thank you.” Jessica went across to the other side of the room, turning off the loud music and grabbing her phone. “You don’t have to cook us anything, Marissa,” Justin said, “this is your time off. Enjoy it.” Then he remembered that her trip home was over half an hour, and she had made it tonight just to ask if he wanted some food, and clothes washed. He felt bad for her making the trip with no outcome or reason. He looked over his shoulder, calling out, “Jess, are you staying for dinner?”

She was mid texting when she looked up, “I can. But you have to drive me home after.”

“That’s fine,” he looked back at Marissa. “We might just order a pizza, and we’ll get enough that you can take some home for your kids. For dinner.”

She smiled, thanking him, “that would be wonderful. They’ll love that.” She started fishing through her pockets as if she was going to find money to pay.

“No, I’ll pay, it’s okay.” Then he glanced around. “You might want to clean the dining table though,” he suggested, “and we were in the hot tub.” Marissa rolled her eyes, but she didn’t mean it in a judgemental way. She found him funny, and the two of them always got along. She went to the kitchen and grabbed a cloth as Justin went over to Jessica.

“Are we having pizza?” She asked him, and he nodded. “Cool. I told my mom I’d be home by 9 so I can’t stay late.” She dropped her phone back onto the bench where the TV was hooked up and stepped closer to him. “So what’s up with you and the maid?” She winked playfully and made him laugh.

“Oh, Marissa,” he said, loudly enough that she could hear him from the other side of the room. “She and I are tight. Best friends.” He crossed his fingers in front of Jessica to symbolise the ‘tightness’ of his friendship with the maid.

Marissa nodded from the sink, “we’re lit,” she agreed.

Justin clicked his tongue and laughed, “yeah, I’m teaching her slang. She’s _almost_ got it.” Jessica laughed in surprise. “Nah, she’s sweet. She always makes sure I have food to eat, any time I’m here. And she makes the fucking best spaghetti, you have to try it.”

“I want to,” Jessica said eagerly.

“But she brings her kids around sometimes when she’s doing chores, and they’re really young, and we play video games and they try to tell me how to do my math homework. It’s lots of fun.”

Jessica was grinning, "that's fucking adorable." He nodded that it was. He was so happy, and Jessica was so happy. He didn't think it was possible to feel this way about someone he had known for only a week. Well, they knew each other before then but intimately, only a week. This could be the perfect summer, if he didn't fuck it up, like he was bound to at some point. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They have Dumb Teenager Energy™ and they always have. but the pure chaos of this relationship is always adorable. and 10/10 they have a lot of fun together. i mean, their relationship had to be pretty good for them to both still be in love after the awful situation and five months apart? right?


	9. Ice Cream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is way too much talk of ice cream in this chapter. i have no idea how it happened. anyway, the next chapter is where we start to enter depressing territory, as this chapter prepares you for it. so watch out. 
> 
> please let me know what you think in the comments. i'm pretty desperate for some feedback bc i gotta keep up with this fic as i start back at uni next week. BESIDES season four is on it's WAY! i'm terrified and excited. but i can't wait to see brandon and alisha go on to other work that isn't as controversial as 13. soooo super happy about that :)

“Did you take my weed money?” Bryce asked, throwing his keys onto the bench in the pool house.

Justin looked up from his phone, barely hearing the question. “What? No way. I would never.” Then he went right back to texting Jessica.

Bryce scowled. “So what? The maid did it?”

Realising what he had just been asked, Justin put his phone down. “Okay, yeah it was me. But I needed it.”

Bryce took a few steps over to the couch, “has it got anything to do with Jessica Davis?” He asked with a smirk, a very suggestive one.

“Uh, I guess,” Justin said, “how do you know about that?” Bryce had only just got back from his vacation, and Justin had barely texted him in the last two weeks.

“Instagram, dumbass. Jessica posted that picture of you, and I kind of put two and two together.” He collapsed beside Justin on the couch, looking over the table he had his feet up on. “You’ve been staying here the whole time, right?” Bryce asked, confused.

“Uh, yeah. I went home for a bit last weekend but other than that, yeah. Why?”

Bryce scoffed, “usually when you’re here for more than two days I find joints everywhere, and the bong is always in plain sight.” He laughed. “It’s fucking clean as shit in here. What have you been doing with my weed money?”

Justin shrugged, “I used it for other shit. Like pizza, and stuff.”

“For Jessica?”

He didn’t look up. “Yes, for Jessica.”

Bryce was smirking, “you gotta tell me about her. Is her ass really that bad? Alex said she’s kind of fat and I really want to know if it’s true.” Justin rolled his eyes, and glanced over at Bryce with a glare, making Bryce chuckle to himself. “I’m kidding. She’s fucking hot. Good job.”

Justin frowned, “she’s my girlfriend. Can you, like, not?”

Bryce scoffed with a smirk. “She’s not your girlfriend. She’s gonna dump you when the summer is over like they always do. Then we can have one of those parties where we invite hot girls, and you fuck like ten of them. So don’t get too attached.”

Justin made a face, “that happened once, and I only slept with two girls. At seperate times in the night. It meant nothing.”

Bryce shrugged, he didn’t care. “So, have you fucked her yet?”

Justin was silent as he thought through his answer. “Well, uh… No.” He swallowed.

“What the fuck are you doing then?” Bryce rolled his eyes, standing up again. “You going home tonight?”

Justin nodded, “eventually. I have somewhere I gotta go first.”

Bryce raised his eyebrows, “where?” He asked, feigning curiosity.

“Jessica’s. She’s babysitting her brothers, and she asked me to hang out.”

“You guys are getting pretty serious.” Bryce pulled the lighter out of his pocket and started smoking. “You should invite her along tomorrow.”

“What’s tomorrow?”

“The beach. We organised this last month. Day after I come back we were doing a beach day.”

Justin blinked, “oh, right.” He didn’t remember organising that but he thought it was best just to play along. “I’ll ask her.”

“Cool, cool.” Bryce glanced around the room. “My parents are off to Vietnam, or Thailand tomorrow, by the way. They wanted a vacation without me.”

Justin scoffed, “classic.” They both shared a frown.

“So, uh, the house is empty for the next few weeks. You’re welcome to stay over longer.” The sentiment was a joy for Justin to hear. Last weekend when he had gone home to see his mom she had been completely out of it. Her and her dealer boyfriend kicked him out again, and told him not to come back for a week. It was their own vacation, in their own house, and away from him. But Justin didn’t complain, he couldn’t wait to be out of that house. And he didn’t want Jessica to see where he really lived.

The relationship between his mom, and Seth terrified Justin. Especially when he wasn’t living at home. Ordinarily if they got into a fight and he were there, he could break it up even if it meant he got sent away for the night. At least his mom wasn’t in hospital, or sitting in a police station for domestic violence charges. But every minute he was somewhere else he was anticipating a phone call from his mom, or from the police. It rarely happened these days but he still waited.

But when he was home, he was scared of getting hit. And he was scared of turning out like them. But he had things his mom never did. He had an education, and one that he did put effort into even if the outcome was poor. He had people who loved him, kind of. He had Jessica, for now, until he fucked that up. But he would always have Bryce. And Bryce’s family. He was lucky in that way. The only thing standing between Justin and turning out like the last person he wanted to become, was Bryce. No matter how much of a pain in the ass he was, nor how many shitty things he did. If Justin gave up on him, he felt like he was giving up on himself.

* * *

“You can’t have any ice cream,” Jessica said with a sigh, “Mom says it makes you too hyper before bed.”

“But I won’t tell her!” Her brother insisted. “Come on, Jess!”

Jessica shrugged. “No.” Her decision was final.

“If you don’t let me then I’m never gonna eat ice cream again,” he insisted.

Jessica, mocking him, went wide eyed, “never? You’re never gonna eat it again?” Her brother stood with his arms crossed, huffing that yes, he was forced to take such a stand.

Justin leaned down to the kid. “Dude,” he said, “she’s not gonna budge, it’s so not worth it.”He pouted, looking up with wide eyes. As Jessica turned away and ignored them both, Justin sneakily took another ice cream bar from the packaging. He put it behind his back and slyly passed it to Jessica’s brother while she wasn’t looking. The boy’s eyes widened in surprise as he grinned. Justin shushed him as he handed the bar over and nodded for him to take it. He mouthed a thank you, and as Jessica turned back around Justin winked. Jessica tilted her head and just as she recognised what was happening her brother took off into the next room.

“Did you just give him ice cream?” Jessica asked.

“I had to do it,” Justin insisted, “he wasn’t gonna eat ice cream ever again.”

Jessica scowled, “he says that like every night. You’re such a pushover.” With a laugh, Justin shrugged. “Well, you can explain to my Mom tonight why he won’t sleep. Have fun with that.”

“It’ll be fine,” he insisted, “we’ll just play some Guitar Hero to tire him out.” Jessica rolled her eyes, and lifted herself up to sit on the kitchen counter. “Besides, your Mom likes me.”

“Yeah,” Jessica agreed, reaching out to hold his hand as he came to stand between her legs. “She thinks you’re cute, in like a not-creepy Mom way.” She laughed. “I have no idea what that means, but it’s a compliment. It’s just my Dad you gotta be careful of. He’s a little more cautious.”

“So, like, what? Is he old-school, do I have to ask his permission to date you?”

Jessica made a face, “ew, no way. He’s not like that. It’s just that…” Justin watched her as she tried to find the words. “You should probably cover up the tattoos. And maybe don’t wear ripped jeans, or anything too, uh–“

“White trash-y? Junkie-like?” Intertwining their fingers, Jessica pouted.

She shook her head adamantly. “No, shut up, that’s not what I meant.” Then she shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. He’ll like you. Cause I like you. And my Mom likes you.”

“And your brothers like me.” She rolled her eyes. “They do! We played a really competitive game of Mario, and I almost let them win.”

“Almost? Like they came second?”

He shrugged. “More like tenth, but still, they didn’t lose.” Jessica laughed, glancing into the next room as her brothers were watching tv before Justin tugged on her hand. “Uh, did you wanna come to the beach tomorrow? It’s gonna be like me, Bryce, Zach and some other guys. I think Sheri was invited.” He waited until they both made eye contact. “Did you wanna come?”

Jessica squinted in confusion, “we have summer school tomorrow?”

He shrugged, “so? Don’t have to go in every day.” Then he smiled. “It’ll be fun. Please come.” With a huff she gave in, holding his hand between both of hers in her lap.

“Yeah, okay.” He smiled, and then she smirked. “I have a cute bikini I bought last week.”

“Fuck yes,” he leaned in and kissed her quickly. “It’s gonna be great.”

* * *

The white canopy was set on the sand, far away from the water so their stuff wouldn’t get wet if the incoming tide travelled too far. Jessica didn’t bother throwing her dress back on after they came out of the water, she just sat on a beach towel with her legs in the sun to dry. Bryce, Zach and Sheri walked along the sand, drying off by throwing a football between them as they disappeared around the curve of the beach. Letting them go off, Justin went to sit with Jessica as she scrolled on her phone.

“Did you wanna go for a walk?” He asked, sitting on the towel beside her.

Jessica, lying on her back, pulled her phone a few inches from her face to look at him, “maybe later.” She sneakily took a photo of him while he was looking at the ocean, and grinned. “Hot,” she said with a laugh. He turned to her and pulled a funny face, and she took another photo of him, giggling as she looked at it. “Wow, that’s even sexier.”

He winked at her, “I know.” He leaned back with a sigh, “you can send that to your dad when he asks what your new boyfriend looks like.”

“For sure, I will,” she agreed. Shuffling over, she kissed his cheek as he lay next to her. Twisting onto her side, she leaned over him. “There’s no one around,” she whispered playfully.

She leaned down to kiss him, but he stopped her, “what if the fish see?”

She rolled her eyes, “you suck,” she muttered. Jessica sat up and threw her other leg over his waist until she was sitting over him. “I think I’m ready,” she told him, “to have sex.”

He blinked, glancing around at the empty beach and then back up at Jessica, “what, like right now?”

Making a face, she poked his stomach, “Jesus, no,” she giggled, “we’re doing it at mine.”

He smiled, “sure. And when will this take place? I’ll keep my schedule open for you.”

She smirked as he ran his hands along her thighs. “Tomorrow afternoon. My mom’s at work and my brothers are at a daycare.” She smiled. “After Algebra class?” Leaning down again she kissed him with a smile, and that seemed to be the offical seal of approval. “Will you bring the, like, uh…”

He laughed. “Yeah,” he said, “I can bring that.”

“Perfect.” She went silent a moment. “Do I have to go on birth control?” She asked him in a quiet voice.

“No,” he said gently, tracing lines with his fingers on her thighs, “not unless you want to. If it makes you feel safer, go for it.” He hesitated a moment. “Are you sure about this?”

She nodded, “yeah, I’m _so_ sure.” He laughed. “Also I want a tattoo.”

“Where?” He asked.

Jessica lifted up her arm, and pointed to the strap of her bikini, “here.”

He met her eyes, “very hot,” he said with a smile. “Do you have a fake ID?” She shook her head. “I can get you one. Then you can get a tattoo.”

“Do you think I look old enough?” She asked. And he was about to respond when Bryce stepped under the canopy and into the shade. He stood over Jessica and looked down at Justin, crossing his arms over his chest.

“We’re going back to mine to smoke, you two wanna come?”

Justin looked at Jessica, then over at Bryce. “Nah, dude, we’re good here.”

Bryce blinked in shock, “you’ve never said no to weed. Who are you?” Jessica took ahold of Justin’s hand and ran her thumb over his palm.

He laughed, “another time,” he said, “Jess doesn’t smoke.”

Bryce scoffed, “there’s always time to break her in. You’re never too old to start.” Jessica’s grip on Justin’s hand tightened, and when he looked at her, she looked serious.

“She’s good,” Justin told Bryce, “she doesn’t want to try it. Right, babe?”

Jessica turned her head to look up at Bryce behind her, “right,” she said with a scowl. “We’re gonna go for a walk anyway.” So, she started to get up, and much to Bryce’s dismay he was going home to smoke weed alone. Jessica Davis had stolen his long time best friend in just one month.

* * *

“So what’s it like? Weed?” She asked as they walked along the sand, once more clothed and away from the others.

Justin shrugged, “it’s just weed, I guess. I don’t know.” She held onto his hand as they walked, looking over at him.

Jessica laughed, “well, what does that mean? It’s gotta be good if you smoke it that much.”

He shook his head, “it’s good, yeah, but it kind of just makes everything else good. Like, when you’re stressed, or sad, or fucking angry. Anything. Like it just takes your mind off it.” He looked over at her. “But, like unless you’re super fucked up, and shit, it’s not even worth trying. It’s not worth the judgement.”

She frowned. “You do it,” she said, “is that why?” Shrugging, he didn’t seem too inclined to answer. Suddenly he stopped walking, and that made Jessica stop too. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, swiping to answer a phone call. Jessica stood and watched him as he spoke, she tried to piece together what was being said on the other line. She worked out some, the rest she didn’t want to know. Justin was torn between yelling and breaking down into tears. One minute he was on the verge of one, the next the other. Jessica had never seen him like that. But he never yelled, and least of all at her. Sometimes she wondered if he was capable of yelling, or being angry. Sure, she had seen him in a bad mood once or twice, but he never got angry. Not like other people she had seen. People who scared her. He never scared her. He made her feel safe.

Running his hand over his face, Justin shoved his phone back into his pocket. When he looked up Jessica was staring at him with innocent eyes.

“What happened?” She asked him.

He shrugged if off, “nothing. It’s fine.”

She squinted, “you’re a terrible liar. Worse than my brothers.” Looking like he was holding back tears, Justin glanced over Jessica’s head to the horizon where the ocean was. He bit his lip, and she could tell he was debating whether or not to tell her the truth.

“Can we go get ice cream?” He asked her. And that was when Jessica knew that whatever that phone call had been about, Justin would tell her about when he was ready. And he wasn’t ready. And that was okay.

“Sure, yeah. If that’s what you want.”

* * *

He was definitely regretting not taking Bryce up on his offer of getting high. He needed something and raspberry sorbet was not cutting it like Jessica had promised it would. That wasn’t her fault, though. And so he concluded instead that maybe he could find another way to deal with his shit. To deal with the weight he had been carrying around since his first date with Jessica. Either deal with it, or make it ten times worse.

“Jess,” he said as they sat on the park bench overlooking the water, ice cream cones in hand, “can I ask you something?” Looking over at him, she nodded sincerely. “Do you remember the stuff I’ve told you about my mom? Like, what _have_ I told you?” Looking back out to the ocean, Jessica was in deep thought.

“Not a lot,” she glanced back for a moment, “just that she’s shitty. She’s dated a lot of awful guys, and you get kicked out a lot. Plus you cried at that party because her boyfriend is abusive, you said. And you’re scared he’s gonna do shit.”

It was silent between them, and then he spoke. “She’s an addict. Has been for a long time.” He looked down at his hands. “And her boyfriend is a dealer, and he’s awful. I can’t fucking stand him.” Not wanting to look over at Jessica, he stared out at the ocean, but he didn’t _see_ the ocean. His mind was elsewhere. “I don’t know. It’s like, it’s just fucking crazy at home. All the time.” Then he laughed slightly, glancing over at it. “And I’m not good at talking about it. I don’t like to talk about it. I’d rather just wait for it all to be over, eventually.”

"And the phone call?" She asked him quietly.

"My mom. Well, her boyfriend. They're angry that I haven't been home all week, even though they told me to go last weekend. But she's gone fucking crazy, he said. Like off her shit and now he's blaming me for it. Cause she's done like $500 worth of damage to the shit he uses to make fucking ice. And he wants us to pay for it." 

Jessica frowned, "but you don't have that kind of money, do you?" He shook his head. But he didn't seem too worried about the money part. No, he could get Bryce to pay for that. "What else is it?" She asked. 

"I don't wanna go home," he said, "but I'm scared of what will happen if I don't." 

Jessica huffed. "She's a grown woman who can take care of herself. She's your mother. She should be taking care of you, but she isn't. I know it's hard. But it's your life, so you have to come first. Always." She glanced down at the chocolate ice cream in her hand, then back at him, “whenever you wanna escape, but don’t want to talk about it, we can just go get ice cream. That can be the code.”

He smiled, “I like that code.”


	10. The Festival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is: the first of the three/four sad chapters. also known as the final chapters. good luck. fyi, a lot of drug use so be warned.

“Where are they going?”

“DC,” Jessica repeated, “the weekend just before we go back.” He nodded, understanding now as he clicked a pen back and forth in his desk chair. She was watching him from the bed, lying on her stomach, and resting her feet on the wall. “So, did you wanna come over?”

He shrugged, “I’ll see. It’s still like two weeks away.” Jessica was frowning, watching him to see if he would look up at her. He didn’t.

“What’s up with you today? Yesterday I couldn’t shut you up.” He laughed gently, and begrudgingly put the pen back on the desk.

“Sorry,” he said, finally looking over at her with his head still hung. “It’s just all this shit at home.” She reached out and tapped his knee, hoping it would make him smile, or laugh. He didn’t.

“Talk to me,” she insisted. “It might help.”

He shook his head, staring at his hands. “I can’t.”

She pouted, widening her eyes at him so that if he finally looked over at her, he would laugh. “Why not? I mean, I know some stuff. You told me about your mom, and her boyfriend.”

He drew his knees up to his chest, “I just…” he looked over at her, their eyes meeting for a second before he looked away. “It’s like the less people that know… The better.”

Jessica frowned, “why?” She shuffled up the bed, and twisted around to sit on the edge.

“Because,” he said, “people would look at me differently. And I just… I don’t want to end up like them. Like my mom. Or Seth. Any of those people.”

“An addict?” She asked, and he nodded, staring at his hands. “You won’t.” She tucked her hair behind her ear and watched him sit in silence. “What else is it?”

“I just don’t want people to look at me, and judge me for the shit my mom does. I wanna be… seperate… from her. You know?”

“You are,” Jessica insisted. “Before we started dating I had no idea about your mom, and I would never have guessed.” She bit her lip. “And if you tell me about it, I’m not gonna judge you…” He didn’t say anything. “Or we don’t have to talk about it. Because I don’t think you want to.” With a sigh, he stretched out and put both his feet on the ground again.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. She reached out with her foot to poke his leg, when their eyes met she pouted.

“I drove all the way here, and you’re not even gonna kiss me?” That made him smile. He stood up and stepped over to the edge of the bed where she was sitting.

He leaned down to kiss her once, then pulled back, “you totally just came here to have sex.”

She grinned, “it’s not not true.” He laughed as she scrunched up her nose at him. “I _did_ have to drop off your jacket. That wasn’t a lie. Besides, we never hang out at yours.”

“You know how it is,” he said to her, “with my mom.”

She nodded. “I know. But we can just mess around a bit.” She winked playfully. “Right?” Smiling, he started shaking his head. But it wasn’t a no. It was him being flustered by her, like always. She shuffled back onto the bed, lying down as he crawled on top of her. As she kissed him, he smiled, running his hand down her leg. She giggled, pulling him closer and then putting her hands on his face. His hand ran up her thigh, then under her skirt, and she shuffled herself onto the pillow at the head of the bed. He put his hand up to the top of her hip bone, gently moving along the seam of her underwear. Wordlessly he continued to kiss her lips, moving his hand slowly between her legs as she giggled. There were quiet footsteps at the door but they were both too in the moment to hear.

When the bedroom door was pushed open, they both froze on the bed. Visibly caught in the middle of something explicit. When Jessica looked over she saw Amber Foley slouching against the door frame, her hands were shaking as she held out a syringe. Her eyes were red rimmed, her skin blotchier than usual, and the way she looked at the two of them was enough to frighten Jessica for the rest of her life. Not because she was angry, but because nobody had ever looked so sad.

“Mom,” Justin sat up, “what’s wrong?” Jessica scrambled to the wall where the bed was backed up against, drawing her knees up to her chest. Ordinarily a parent seeing them in that position was cause for embarrassment, but Jessica didn’t think Justin’s mom had even noticed what was going on.

“Honey,” Amber whined, she was crying, “I need you to help me.” She held out the syringe to him in her shaking arms. “Can you do it?”

He screwed up his face, “what? What the fuck?” He stood up and went over to her as Jessica sat in silence, watching. She had only met Amber once, and she seemed like a completely different person to the one Jessica saw now. But Justin had told her that his mom was unpredictable, and terrifying when she was in one of her moods. “What’s in this?” He asked, taking the syringe from her. He held it up to the light, staring at the yellow liquid. “Is this heroin? What the fuck is wrong with you?” Amber broke down in tears, dropping to her knees.

“Please,” she sobbed, leaning against the door, “my hands are too shaky to get it in.” At this point he was standing over her as she cried at his feet. “Please,” she begged, over and over. Jessica’s heart hurt to watch it.

“Mom, get up,” he said gently. “You don’t do heroin. And you’re not fucking starting it now.” Justin was the only person Jessica knew who could make using the word fuck in every sentence sound natural. She wasn’t sure how he did it, but he did. He could make it sound nice, or harsh, or funny. Right now it sounded desperate.

“I need it,” Amber insisted. “It’ll make it all better, please.” He put the syringe on the table, and grabbed her arm.

“Mom, please, stand up.” Amber was shaking as she tried to stand, giving in to the request of her son but Jessica assumed it was only because she thought it would get her what she wanted quicker. “Come on,” he said, “come sit on the couch and I’ll get you some water.” As he urged her to leave the bedroom, she grabbed the syringe off the table.

“Just do it, and I’ll go.” Jessica saw him roll his eyes as he herded her out of his room, like a pet because she was in such a frantic and vulnerable state of mind. They disappeared into the hallway, and Jessica sat with her knees drawn to her chest on the pillow, listening to their conversation.

“Meth is one fucking thing,” she heard him say, “but not heroin.”

“But heroin is cheaper,” Amber insisted. “I can’t get anything else.” There were footsteps and then Amber yelled. “Just fucking do it!”

“No!” From the next room Jessica heard a crashing sound as something was thrown. “What the fuck, Mom!” There was another banging sound as Amber yelled something incoherent that Jessica couldn’t understand. “Give me the fucking needle.” Then there was more yelling, and Jessica could only assume that Amber threw the needle at him, and it smashed. She stood up off of the bed, standing in the centre of the bedroom and wondering if she should go out there.

“Now look what you fucking did!” Amber yelled. Jessica was frozen still, worried for her boyfriend in the next room.

“I didn’t do it,” he said calmly. “Look, you can do your fucking heroin, I don’t care. I just won’t do it for you.” Jessica’s heart ached for him in a situation she would never experience, and he never deserved. “Are we understood?”

“Fine,” Amber said. “You can get the fuck out, then.”

“Mom–“

“Out!” There were footsteps as he walked back into his room, and Jessica watched for the look on his face. It was unreadable. He looked like he did every other day. He stood in the doorway, and she stood in the centre of the room.

“Did you wanna go get ice cream?” She asked him softly. He smiled for a tiny second, and then his expression became blank again.

“I gotta stay. I have to clean up before she hurts herself while she’s off her fucking face.” Jessica frowned. “You should go, though. Fuck. I’m so sorry you had to see that.”

“It’s fine,” Jessica said. “And I wanna stay, to make sure you’re okay. Are you okay?”

He nodded, “I’m fine. It happens all the time. She broke up with her boyfriend yesterday so she’s gonna be fucked up until she begs him to come back. Classic fucking Amber.” Jessica saw some blood on his cheek.

“What did she throw at you?”

He shrugged, “like a bottle, or something. I’m gonna clean it up.” His shoulders slumped. “I’m really sorry. Again.” She waved it away with a flick of her hand.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll help you clean up.”

“Jess–“ She stepped over to him and shrugged her shoulders.

“Fuck her,” she said. “You did the right thing.” That only made him sadder. She reached out and cupped his face in her hands, kissing him lightly. “We never have to talk about it,” she said.

“Talk about what?” He said with a smile. She wanted to tell him she loved him, because he deserved it, but she didn’t think now was the time. And she feared it was too soon. She felt like a dumb lovestruck girl from a Disney movie, and that is not what she was.

“Show me where the kitchen is,” she said to him, “I’ll help clean up.”

* * *

Standing by the door frame, Amber took her cigarette out of her mouth. “So what’s your name?” She asked.

Jessica looked up from where she was sweeping the shattered glass into a dustpan, “Jess,” she answered cautiously. The woman just a few feet away was less unhinged now, and instead more obnoxious. It was like she wanted Jessica out of her sight, and if not she would start a fight over it.

Amber nodded, she looked tired of the kindness already. “Do you smoke?” She asked, holding out the cigarette to Jessica.

“Uh, no. I don’t.” Jessica said.

Amber rolled her eyes, “fucking kids these days. None of you smoke. It’s good. Shit’ll kill you dead.” Jessica nodded sheepishly, and went back to her sweeping. The brown liquid was still puddling amongst the broken glass. Jessica didn’t want to think about how terrified she would be to have a syringe thrown at her by a woman that unhinged. But from the calmness of Justin, she assumed that this was an everyday occurrence for him. Maybe not everyday, but not something he hadn’t seen before.

“Mom,” Justin spoke up, “can you just leave her alone.”

Amber shrugged, “what? I’m not doing anything to her. I’m not asking her personal questions. I could.” She crossed her arms and looked at Jessica. “Has he hit you yet?” She asked and Jessica froze. What kind of question was that to ask your son’s girlfriend?

“No,” Jessica responded quietly.

“Good,” Amber concluded. “Don’t let your guard down, they always start hitting you sooner or later.” Jessica glanced over at Justin on the other side of the room. When their eyes met she could tell he wasn’t offended by his mother’s comment, he was hurt by what it represented. All the pain, and all the abuse the two of them had suffered at the hands of men who treated them like dirt. And Jessica knew she was safe because her boyfriend never wanted to become the men who had abused him, or his mother. Sometimes Jessica could see the fear in his eyes, the fear when he realised he was walking a thin line between becoming a victim like his mother, or becoming an abuser like her boyfriends. Jessica wasn’t sure which one he would rather become, but at the same time maybe she did. He was a sixteen year old boy who would rather die than ever put a hand on Jessica were it unwarranted. But maybe there were things equal to physical abuse. Mental? Emotional, perhaps? Jessica wasn’t sure if he was capable of those either. Had he internalised them?

No, it didn’t scare her. He wasn’t like them. He would never be like them.

“Mom, don’t you have work?” Justin asked into the tense silence. Amber shook her head, moving her weight from one foot to the other.

“They fucking fired me,” she said, and Jessica could understand the anger in her voice. “Apparently I don’t look the part. I’m giving the place a bad rep.” That Jessica could also see truth in. The woman looked like she hadn’t brushed her hair in a month, her clothes were dirty, her eyes had three day old bags under them at least. But as Justin had said before, this wasn’t ordinary Amber. This was a woman who had lost her last thread of sanity over a break up, and spent her time finding new drugs to fill that hole.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Justin rolled his eyes. He walked over to Jessica and knelt beside her, still talking to his mom. “You still owe Seth like $300 for what you did to his stuff. He’s not just gonna fucking forget.”

Amber groaned, “I’ll deal with it. I just gotta find a new job.” Cleaning up the liquid on the floor beside Jessica, Justin almost found the concept laughable.

“It took you three months to get that job, do you think it’s gonna be any easier this time? You’re not a fucking rocket scientist, Mom.”

Amber got offended with a scoff. “Okay, honey,” she rolled her eyes, “why don’t you get off your fucking ass and get a job then?” Jessica was pretty sure Amber wasn’t offended by having her intelligence insulted, she was offended that he was right. So she would take that out on him. The dynamic wasn’t that difficult to understand, and Justin, calm as ever, just ignored her.

He turned to Jessica, and pointed to the next room, “there’s a bin in there. You can put the glass and shit in there, and then we can get out of here.” She gave him a nod, trying not to look scared or bored out of her mind. He was already feeling like shit, she could tell, and Jessica would rather make that better than make it worse. So she did as he asked, and walked into the next room with the dustpan and broom, listening as the conversation continued when Amber thought she couldn’t hear.

“So you’re just gonna leave again?” Amber asked.

“Yeah,” was Justin’s one word reply. He didn’t put any effort into sounding anything other than irritated.

“Fine,” Amber spat, and it reminded Jessica of the way Justin would shut down when he was in a bad mood. It was the only similarity she could see between the two of them, and she was glad about that. “Take your whore and leave. Just like you always do.” Jessica wasn’t upset by the comment, she didn’t care to be called names by a woman who couldn’t even remember her own son’s birthday. She threw the shattered pieces of glass and the needle, into the bin, and walked back into the room.

“Mom,” Justin didn’t have any further of a response than that, and Jessica didn’t blame him. She walked over and took the heroin soaked cloth from his hands so he didn’t have to walk back into the kitchen.

“What? She has to be if she’s dating you. What is she? The sixth girl you’ve brought here this year?” Rolling his eyes, Justin didn’t deem the exaggerative jab worthy of a verbal response. Jessica listened as she ran the cloth under water to rinse out the liquid and drain it down the sink where no one could use it. “Just don’t knock her up. We can’t afford that shit.”

He made a face, “Jesus, I won’t.” Silently, Jessica walked back out into the living room and came to stand beside her boyfriend.

“Come on,” she said quietly, “let’s just go.” He nodded, and Jessica grabbed her bag from beside her on the floor. She took ahold of his hand and they walked across the carpeted floor to the front door. Amber didn’t care. Jessica half expected from her own experience for her to call out some kind of curfew, or for Justin to take his phone with him so she could call him. Amber didn’t. She just disappeared into the next room, and if she needed him she would call whether he had his phone with him or not. And that would be _his_ fault for being careless, instead of _her_ fault for not caring enough.

He shut the door behind them and as they stood in the hallway, Jessica stared at him. She waited for him to react. And for the first time today, he did. His eyes began to tear up and he couldn’t even meet hers. When his head fell and he covered his mouth with his hand, Jessica almost lost it. She took a step toward him, and stretching up onto her toes, she put her arms around him and let him cry into her shoulder. Jessica felt like crying herself, but she didn’t. She couldn’t. It was silent between them as he shook with sobs into her arms. And when he quietened, Jessica finally spoke up.

“You’re too nice to her,” she said gently. “And she doesn’t deserve it.”

Holding her to him, he shrugged, but there was barely any effort in it. “She’s my mom.” His voice was muffled into her shoulder, but she could hear the plaintive hopelessness in it.

Jessica scowled. “No she’s not. Not until she starts fucking acting like it.”

* * *

Jessica threw her hands in the air. “I wanna win something.” She pointed at the ball toss game and nudged Justin’s shoulder, set on trying to cheer him up. “I am gonna get them _all_ in and you are gonna be _so_ jealous.” He laughed with her as she grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the summer carnival stand. There was a large basketball net on the far back wall, with stuffed toys pinned up around it and the four balls lined up at their feet were basketballs. The game looked easier than it was. The height of the net was the obvious trick, it wasn’t designed to be played like a basketball game. Jessica didn’t know that though, and Justin had her convinced that she was decent at basketball when she _really_ wasn’t.

“You sure you can get all four in?” He asked.

Jessica winked at him. “No,” she said honestly. “Do you think you could?”

He laughed, “I’m fucking amazing at this shit, just watch and see.” Modesty had never been his thing, Jessica had come to realise over time, and she wasn’t complaining. Jessica took out $20 and put it on the counter for one round. There was a sneer from the other side as the man running the game looked at them and took the money.

“Real classy,” he said, “making the girl pay on a date.”

Jessica raised an eyebrow, “he knows how to make it up to it.” She ran her hand down her boyfriend’s arm and waited for the young worker to recognise her innuendo. When he did, it made the interaction twice as awkward. He explained the rules of the game and both Jessica and Justin zoned out half the time as they chuckled every time the man mentioned the word ‘balls’. Once he was done, Jessica wrapped her arms around Justin’s waist from behind.

“A challenge?” She proposed, and he smiled.

“Sure. Just don’t let me elbow you.” She giggled and stepped closer until she was looking over his shoulder at the basketball rings ahead of them. He turned his head to look at her and smiled. “If I win, it’s for you.” She smiled and quickly kissed him before he turned back and grabbed a basketball off the counter. Watching him throw it and get it in, she grinned. Hugging him tighter and kissing his cheek, Jessica waited for him to throw the next one. He scored the second, then the third, and finally when he was up to the fourth she whispered to him.

“No pressure,” she said, “but you have to win this last one. For me.”

He smiled, “for you I will.” Grabbing the final basketball he turned and whispered to her, “one last ball,” he said and she giggled.

“You’re an idiot.” With a smile, he shrugged that he didn’t care. He turned back and threw the ball over and as though it were slow motion, they both watched it fall into the net fourth time in a row. With cheers, they both threw their arms in the air. He turned around and she threw her arms around his neck with a shout, jumping up and clinging to him in celebration. He lifted her off the ground ever so slightly and they looked way too excited for the prize that the worker presented to them. It was a small stuffed bear, and after their excitement died down, Justin took it from him.

“This is the last thing we have left. It’s the final day for the carnival.” Shrugging that he didn’t care, Justin turned back to Jessica as the man walked away.

“For you,” he held out the stuffed bear to her and she took it with a wide smile.

“Oh my God, you’re the best,” she marvelled. She turned it around to look at him as she waved it in his face. “It’s so cute!” He smiled with her as she hugged the bear to her chest. “He’s like a little you. So adorable. So sweet.”

He smirked. “And don’t forget sexy.” She threw her head back and laughed.

“You just made it weird,” she said with a smile. “It’s not sexy when someone calls themselves sexy. It’s like opposite.” He tilted his head and smiled.

“Is it really?” She smiled, swaying on her feet.

“Shut up,” she said with a laugh. Shaking her head, she turned the stuffed bear around in her hands and reached up to kiss his cheek. “Best boyfriend ever,” she decided, and yes, she meant it. He was the best, and he knew it too. 

“I just wanted to make it up to you for what happened today.”

She gave him a small smile, “that’s not your fault,” she told him. “But don’t think you’re escaping the $20 you owe me. In things that aren’t money.”

He laughed, “I will _gladly_ make it up to you.” He winked and she rolled her eyes. He just had to make it weird.

Jessica made the right choice to go to the Evergreen County Summer Carnival after the afternoon’s events. It made him happy again, and it took his mind off the things he didn’t want to think about. But most of all, Jessica hoped he realised that he didn’t need to be as afraid of her knowing him as he was. She didn’t care about the drug use, the abuse, the neglect. That didn’t make her love him any less, but he was scared it would. She wanted to help him, she wanted to fix this for him, but he never let her in enough to know what she could do. So this was what she was left with. Fun dates to the carnival, stuffed bears, ice cream and leaving her window open in the dead of night for when he knocked. That was the only way she could say she loved him without using the actual words. And she hoped he knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm currently president of the 'justin foley and jessica davis deserved better' club. because they fucking did.


	11. Traumatised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good luck with this one.  
> beware: much rape references

Reaching the bottom of the staircase, like some sort of romance film, Jessica reached out to her boyfriend and took his hand. He was staring up at her, smiling as he waited at the bottom. Nobody had ever looked at her like that. The way the boys did girls in the movies. The way Hollywood told people that love looked. He looked like he was in love, and Jessica probably looked the same. Their relationship became more than any average high school romance the night he crawled through her window at 12am covered in bruises. Her whole world changed that night, and she wondered what on earth he could ever do to break her heart. It would have to be something terrible.

“Fuck,” he whispered, pulling her closer and kissing her covertly. “You look amazing.”

She grinned, “thank you. Now let’s get out of here before my Dad–“

“Jessica? What are you doing?” Hearing her father call out from inside the kitchen, Jessica rolled her eyes.

“Shit,” she mumbled.

Justin pulled on her arm, “Jess, I’m not, uh, prepared to meet your dad right now.”

She furrowed her brow, “what does that mean?” His jeans weren’t ripped for once, actually they rarely were, and not on purpose she had come to understand. His eyes had bags underneath them, only slightly, but that was because when he was at home he never slept. Most nights she didn’t either, especially when he came in through her window in the dead of night. The tattoo on his wrist was visible, but if Jessica held onto his arm no one could see it. Maybe he just wasn’t emotionally prepared. That she could understand.

“Jessica, is that the boy?” Her dad walked around the corner into the stairwell where the front door was. Crossing his arms over his chest, he looked between Jessica and Justin. He didn’t look pleased. Have you ever looked at someone and known in that very moment they were judging your whole worth on how you seemed in the first five seconds? Justin knew that feeling all too well. Jessica should have feared the worst, but, Justin was oddly beloved by adults. It was as though there was a switch in him that flicked whenever he just knew he had to be polite.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr Davis,” he said, reaching out to shake her father’s hand. But although his intentions had been good, it was a terrible decision as her father looked down.

“Is that a tattoo?” He asked and Justin pulled his hand back.

“Uh, yes…Sir.” He covered it with his hand, and Jessica, being extra careful, put her hand over his hand.

Her father glanced over at Jessica critically, then back at Justin, “and how many do you have?”

Justin looked down, “a few,” he said simply.

“They’re actually really cool,” Jessica added, hoping it would sway her fathers opinion. He just made a displeased noise in his throat and frowned.

“And what do you do? What are your hobbies? Other than getting tattoos obviously.” Trying to be polite, Justin laughed, but he didn’t know if it was a joke or not. So he quickly stopped.

Jessica glanced between them before taking it upon herself to answer, “he plays basketball. And football. And he’s really good.” That seemed to sway her father’s opinion slightly as he nodded. Jessica knew that would. “He’s one of the best at school, right?” She nudged Justin’s shoulder.

“Uh,” he looked over at her dad, “I guess, yeah.”

“What do your parents do?” Mr Davis asked, and Justin faltered on the question. He looked over at Jessica who nodded for him to answer honestly.

“Uh,” he hesitated, looking back at her father, “my mom is a waitress at a pit stop restaurant just out of town.”

“And your father?” Mr Davis asked, and Jessica gave him a warning glance.

“Dad,” she whispered, “I told you that Justin’s never met his dad.” She looked up at him with wide eyes, pleading for an end to this interrogation.

“Never mind,” her dad said, he turned back to Jessica. “What time is curfew?”

“10,” she answered in a bored voice.

“And where is he taking you?”

Jessica cocked her head to the side and rolled her eyes, “for the third time, we’re going to dinner then to a movie. It’s nothing to be concerned about.”

“Be safe. No drugs.” Then he frowned. “And I feel like I need to remind you that twice because your boyfriend here smells like marijuana.” Jessica was caught off guard for a moment, she glanced between her dad and Justin, who was equally as struck by the comment.

“We’ll be safe,” Jessica assured him. “I’m not reckless. You know I don’t do drugs. Don’t worry!” As she stepped toward the door frame, Mr Davis tapped Justin’s shoulder. Jessica was outside as he turned around to look at the cold and menacing man. He quietened his voice but it was still as intimidating as ever.

“You look like trouble, with your tattoos, and your drugs. So you’d better toe the line. Watch yourself.”

Justin nodded, “Uh, I will, sir.”

Mr Davis glared at him. “If you hurt my daughter, I will find you, and I will hurt _you_. Understood?”

He nodded again, trying not to show any fear. “Yes, sir.” As he followed Jessica outside, her father shut the door behind them until they were standing on the porch.

Jessica blinked at him, her pretty brown eyes curious as ever, “what did he say to you?”

Justin shrugged, “just that he liked my tattoos.” Jessica rolled her eyes and lightly punched him in the arm. But she didn’t ask anymore questions, she was too happy to care. “How come you didn’t tell me he was back?”

Jessica shrugged as they walked down the pathway, “I didn’t want to force anything and freak you out. It’s my dad. People think he’s scary and intimidating. Like me.”

“Hey,” he stopped her with a hand on her arm, “you’re not scary, or intimidating. You’re the fucking best.” She scrunched up her face at him, grinning and he smiled back. She grabbed his hand and started walking to the car again.

“You’re coming to my party this weekend, right?”

“Who do you think I am?” He asked with a laugh. She smiled back at him, knowing he would be there no matter what.

“Shit, you know what’s crazy?” She asked, turning to look at him. “This summer is the first time my dad has been away that I haven’t been super depressed about it.” She smiled. “It’s like you took my mind off it. You made it better.” She stopped him just beside the car, reaching up to put her arms around his neck. Her smile was so wide he could see the dimples in her cheeks even in the dark. “I’m so fucking happy.”

“Yeah,” he said, staring at her. “Me too.”

* * *

He went back inside the room, and this time there was no one to shove him out. Jessica was lying on the bed, but not like she should have been, and there was a blanket over her. Confused, Justin wondered if Bryce had put that there. Some kind of ounce of compassion in his cold, dead heart. He didn’t know, and he didn’t care.

Stepping over to Jessica quietly, being sure not to wake her up, he looked her over. She was out cold. He hoped she had been the whole time Bryce did whatever Bryce wanted to do. She didn’t deserve to witness that while she was awake. She didn’t deserve it at all. Nobody deserved that.

Lifting the blanket up and throwing it to the side, he looked down at her and tried to hold back the tears that came to his eyes. The skirt of her dress was halfway up her waist, and her underwear barely covered her. She looked dead. She couldn’t move.

In the lamp light he saw that her thighs were damp, and in that moment he felt like he was about to vomit. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. Jessica needed him and she was more important right now. Just like she should have been all along. He grabbed the tissues from beside her bed and very gently wiped her thighs clean. There was some on the edge of her dress too, and swallowing the urge to vomit again, he wiped that off as well. Leaving a damp patch on her pretty red dress that she had bought just for this party. She didn’t need to have something so horrible left all over her as a reminder of what Bryce did. It was fucking disgusting. He shut his eyes tightly, trying not to cry anymore than he already was.

“Fuck,” he whispered to himself, looking around the room and not knowing what to do. Then he realised that she was going to wake up rather uncomfortably in that position, so he moved her back until she was lying on her bed, her head propped against her pillow. As though she were sleeping. As though he had taken proper care of her. He pulled her underwear up so that if anyone walked in they wouldn’t see things that they shouldn’t have. Then he pulled her dress down properly, for the same reason.

By this point his head was pounding, his mouth was dry and every few seconds he felt like he was about to throw up. His whole world felt like it was about to close in. He hadn’t felt like this for years, not this bad. And he hadn’t thought about those memories in years. The memories of that terrifying dark figure who used to come into his room when he slept and made him do things that he only now understood. He was a defenceless kid, in a place he should have felt safe, being violated by someone he should have been able to trust. Jessica had been defenceless because she was unconscious, in a place where she did feel safe, and was violated by someone she should have been able to trust. And it was all his fault. He had become his mother, in the way he had least expected. And he didn’t know what to do.

His back slid down the edge of the bed until he was sitting on the floor, staring at the wall opposite. He pulled his knees up and sat there, trying to make sense of everything. He couldn’t. How did it get like this? How did he get like this? Nobody really knew what they would, or wouldn’t do, in that situation until it happened. And in the moments he had to make that decision, whichever it was, he could think of nothing but his own pain and his own misery. Misery that Jessica would now share.

He began to cry again, the way he had in the hallway when he had no idea what he was supposed to do. He still didn’t. He was still there in that hallway, unable to move, his mind unable to form a simple thought. Why had Bryce suddenly become the incarnation of every abusive man who had ever hurt Justin, or his mom? How? How had Justin let him become that when all along he just thought he was surviving. Letting Bryce talk shit in the hope that there would be a spare bed in the Walker’s house for him to sleep in if he needed it. He fucked up. This was it. This was how he would ruin the best thing he had ever had. He had broken Jessica, and she would never forgive him.

He wiped his eyes and realised that it didn’t matter what he had seen tonight. What mattered was that Jessica would be okay, and that she could heal. He hoped she could. He would do anything to make sure she was okay. And he would spend the rest of his life making it up to her. Pulling himself up on the mattress, he finally found his feet and the room was spinning. He tried to make it stop. Tried and failed. Mixing trauma with alcohol wasn’t the worst thing he had done tonight, but it had caused it.

“Justin?” He turned around and Jessica was starting to wake up on the bed. He knelt beside her and reached out to touch her hand.

“Jess, are you okay?” She nodded, but her tired eyes were still closed, and he could see they were wet. Tears beginning to form again.

“I think I had a nightmare,” she managed through a broken voice. He reached over to touch her face, wiping away the tears before they covered her pillow. Trying to stop himself from crying as well, he forced himself to smile at her.

“You’re okay now. I promise.” She reached up to hold his wrist as he ran his hand over her cheek. She just held his hand under hers, she was grateful just to have human contact. Something she wouldn’t once she remembered what had been done to her.

Still, she didn’t have the energy to open her eyes. “Will you hold me?” She asked.

“Of course,” he whispered. She pulled on his arm and he climbed over to lie next to her, wrapping his arms around her. Her back pressed tightly to his chest and she was still crying. He reached over to kiss her neck, but her hair was in the way. Still, it was all the comfort he could give her as her chest heaved silently.

“Justin,” she whispered, and he hugged her tighter so she knew he was listening. “I have no idea what my nightmare was,” she said, and there was almost humour in her voice. “But my chest is… I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I still feel…” He could hear her struggling to take a breath, the tears falling from her eyes. He ran his hand over her arm, comforting her.

“Hey,” he whispered, “listen, think about your breathing, and just count. Slowly. Focus on something else. The numbers.”

Jessica shook her head, “I can’t,” she choked out.

“One, two…”

She took a deep breath, “three.”

“Four.”

“Five, six, seven…” She started nodding her head, smiling. “It’s getting better.” He kissed her shoulder and she giggled, still not all there. “How did you know–know how to do that?” She asked.

“I just do,” he told her. “It’s a panic attack. They get easier, after a while. When you learn how to deal with them and shit.” He looked over and her eyes were closed tightly, like she was asleep again. He kissed her neck again, he didn’t know why. He thought he was comforting her, but maybe he was just comforting himself.

He thought she was asleep, until she stirred. “I love you,” she whispered. And he squeezed her tighter.

“I love you too.” She had never said that to him before, and he had never said it to her. He had thought it a million times. A hundred times just tonight. But after that she fell unconscious again, she was tired, or too drunk. He didn’t know. He just hoped she would wake up soon, and then the two of them could talk. Or just hang out in her room away from Bryce, and everybody else. But that wouldn’t happen. And Justin didn’t think he would make it to that point. He couldn’t be part of this party anymore.

Once she was out cold, he carefully slipped his arms out from around her and climbed off the bed. He went to the doorway, his hand hovering over the door handle as every single memory came flooding back. The idea of seeing Bryce’s face again when he walked downstairs made his blood boil. The concept of being in this house a minute longer made his chest tighten. He felt like Jessica did, again.

There were voices on the other side of the door, and as he tried to listen he recognised Bryce’s voice. Asking someone where Justin was. As if nothing had ever happened. Justin couldn’t go out there. He couldn’t open the door. As much as he wanted to. He wanted to open the door and kill Bryce. But after what happened tonight, he knew he had no power to stop Bryce from doing whatever Bryce did. There were footsteps, and panicking, thinking that if Bryce saw Jessica like that again he could do worse, Justin locked the door from the inside. No one, not even Bryce, could get in, but Jessica could get out when she needed to.

So Justin climbed out the window. Leaving Jessica to sleep, and eventually she would wake up. He hoped. And Jessica was smart, she knew what to do when she was drunk. But he couldn’t stop thinking about her. If he was in the room a moment longer, if he had to look at her a moment longer, he didn’t think he would ever recover. Or get his shit together enough to help her.

When he jumped down from the window, Zach was standing close by, staring as though he couldn’t believe his eyes. To be fair, he was quite wasted.

“Dude, what the fuck? That was awesome.”

Ignoring him, Justin gestured for him to come closer. “That’s Jessica’s room,” he pointed up at the window. “It’s the door at the end of the hall, and it’s locked from the inside.” He looked back at Zach and frowned. “Jessica’s asleep in there. If she doesn’t come out in the next hour, climb up and make sure she’s not dead, will you.”

“What? Where are you going?”

“Home. My mom called, she needs something.” He sighed. “Please just do it. I don’t give a shit how drunk you are. Just do whatever she asks you to do.”

“Okay, sure.” Zach stared, his vision failing him in his drunken state. “Dude, are you okay? You look pretty out of it.”

“I’m fine,” Justin told him. “Just do what I fucking told you to do.” And the harshness of his tone really made Zach listen this time.

* * *

Justin went home after that. It was a long walk to get there from Jessica’s and he had made it about a hundred times in the last two months but never when he was this drunk. But the walk did sober him up enough to clear his head. He walked until he eventually ran out of tears to cry, until he ran out thoughts to think, and until he ran out of hatred for Bryce. Because eventually when he got home it was nearly midnight. And his mom was awake, high off her face, and Seth was there too. Someone he hadn’t seen in a few weeks. His mom had wanted him out of the house because she didn’t want him to know that Seth was back. But now she was sitting on the couch, barely able to keep her eyes open, like Jessica. And Seth was sober, for once. And he was angry, like always.

“You got my money, kid?” The first words Justin heard as soon as he opened the door.

“I don’t have your fucking money.” He scowled. “She told me she payed you back.”

Seth looked at him with a sickening smile, “oh she payed me back. Just not with money.”

Justin screwed up his face, “get the fuck out of my house.”

“It ain’t your house.” Seth glanced over at Amber, then back at Justin, who was barely two steps into the apartment. “Don’t think you can win this. She’s so off her fucking face she doesn’t even know you’re here. She’s not gonna defend you.” Not that she ever did, Justin thought. “So I think you should go.” Weighing up his options, Justin looked between Seth, and then his mom. She was completely out of it, unaware of what was happening to him. Just like she always had been. When he was being assaulted by her boyfriend. When he was being bullied at school. When he was getting high at thirteen. When he saw a drug deal at six. When he started using sex at fourteen to fill the empty part of him that craved love and affection. Through everything. She had no idea. But Bryce did. And without Bryce he was nothing. No one would love him unconditionally the way he had. Despite everything, after everything he had seen Bryce do tonight, Justin still couldn’t give up on him either. He felt like this mother. Going back to every abusive man she had dated over the years because she had no one else. Was he his mother? Is that who he had become?

“I’ll go,” Justin decided, giving up. He looked at Seth seriously for a moment, unable to get the thoughts of the events that had transpired tonight out of his head. “But if you fucking touch my mom while she’s like this, I’ll kill you.” And he was dead serious.

It was midnight. And he was left to wander the streets. He could have gone to Bryce’s, but only if he didn’t have to actually look at Bryce. Maybe he could deal with it if he were high. He couldn’t go back to Jessica’s. Ever. That place was a nightmare for him. That hallway, that bedroom, that window. He could never go back. So he wandered, like a lost child. He thought about everything. How happy Jessica was. How happy he had been. How hard he had tried not to screw this up because she meant everything to him. And that meant she could never know how much he needed her, and how much he needed Bryce. And how lonely he really was.

He wandered until he was sober. Until he was exhausted. Until he was walking down streets he had never seen before. Streets he didn’t know how to get out of. He walked past drug deals, and he didn’t even care if they saw him. He walked past hookers, addicts, homeless people. Things he knew existed in this shitty town, but things he never wanted to become. And if he turned Bryce in, he knew it was something he _would_ become. Because he would be alone. But Bryce deserved it. He deserved to rot in jail. But Jessica didn’t deserve to suffer.

The sun came up eventually, and he tried not to think of Jessica but he was. He was by the docks, ready to give up and collapse because he didn’t know what to do, or how to fix this, and was tired of racking his mind for a solution to a problem that never should have existed. But it did, and it was because he couldn’t get his shit together. Because as he had sat there on the floor he had compared Bryce’s abuse to every other man that had hurt people, and the difference was that Bryce loved him. He was his friend. His only true friend. And he never thought this would happen.

So when Jessica called, he lied. Not because he wanted to protect Bryce. Having a bed to sleep in was an advantage that he didn’t even care about in that moment. He did it to protect Jessica. She didn’t remember, and if she had no idea, why did Justin have to be the one to ruin her life? Would it make him as bad as Bryce to tell her it happened if she had the opportunity to go on as if life were the same?

She was happy. She was fun, free spirited. She was the opposite of him, and he didn’t have the heart to break her, and turn her into him. He wouldn’t even smoke around her. When they drank together, it was for fun and not to numb their feelings. He didn’t want to end up like that. Drinking and getting high with his girlfriend just to forget their own problems.

Jessica Davis was perfect, and he wasn’t. And he would take her memories, her trauma and her pain and make it his own forever so that she never had to feel it. She never had to know, and he would never lose her to her own misery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter takes us on one last high before the misery sets in for the final chapter.


	12. Hot Tubs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is short bc i had no idea what i was doing and i wrote it in like two hours, and finished it like 5 minutes ago. so did i spell check and grammar check? no. but um, enjoy. i probably could have made it more sexual since this fic is rated M now but oh well, it's pretty PG rated.

“I can’t believe you guys lost the game,” Jessica said with a laugh, “you totally had them in the first half.”

Justin shook his head, “We totally didn’t, but it’s cute that you thought so.”

She grinned, “well it was no fault of the squad, we were on fire out there.”

He smiled, “you always are.” They had their break at halftime where the cheerleaders performed a routine and the crowd went crazy for them. Like they always did. And Jessica had loved it. The actual act of cheerleading itself didn’t interest to her, she just liked the popularity, the parties, the friends. She liked it when her boyfriend would run up to her as the sirens went off for half time and kiss her in front of the whole squad, and the whole football team. She liked going to the parties people threw, and drinking, and dancing, and messing around with her boyfriend. Staying up late and going back to his house, staying the night while she told her parents she was somewhere else studying. Justin never came by her house anymore, she thought it was because of her dad. He was easily intimidated by adults, and Jessica’s dad was no friendly man. But that meant they hung out at his place more often, and when they hung out there it meant there were no secrets. They could do whatever they wanted because his mom was never around. But with positives came negatives, the house was a mess. There were dirty plates, empty bottles of various alcohol, bongs, joints, pipes everywhere. While Jessica didn’t especially mind the smell of weed, that house was saturated with it. And her boyfriend was too. He never used to be, it was only since the end of summer he had started smoking more, and drinking more. Or, more than he had over the summer, Jessica wasn’t sure what he was like before they started dating, but Bryce, Zach and all those boys didn’t seem phased by his drug use like Jessica was.

“Are you gonna come back to mine tonight?” Justin asked, as they both stopped outside the locker rooms, waiting on the edge of the field as everybody was leaving.

Jessica looked out over the crowd, “wait, isn’t Bryce having a party tonight?”

Taking off the sleeves from under his shoulder pads, Justin shrugged. “Probably. But, I don’t feel like going. I’m too tired.” Jessica rolled her eyes at him.

“Tired? You’re such a pussy.” He scoffed a laugh and looked up at her. “Seriously. Last week we couldn’t go to Zach’s because you felt sick. You wouldn’t even go to the party Bryce held for Jeff. I think you’re starting to become a pussy.”

He made a face, “shut up. I just played both halves of a football game. Why are you giving me shit?”

She widened her eyes at him. “Because you’re being a dick.” She was frowning, helping him to pull down the sleeves from his arm. “I want to go to a party. Please?”

He huffed, “Jess,” he said, “I…”

“I’ll go by myself. I don’t care if you don’t go.” Then she smirked. “Maybe I’ll flirt with some other cute boys, see how much I can drink before I kiss one of them–“

“Fine,” he decided with a sigh, “we’ll go.”

She grinned. “Just so you know, I _was_ kidding.”

“Yeah, I know.” Then he smiled. “But some boys just go wild for a pretty girl all alone at one of Bryce’s parties.” When he called her pretty she smiled.

“Really? Did you used to go wild for pretty girls?”

He clicked his tongue, “just the one pretty girl.” As she grinned, he leaned in closer. “I’m talking about you,” he clarified, hoping she understood.

She wanted to roll her eyes jokingly. “Yeah, I got it.” He gestured with a nod to the locker room, and she understood that he had to go. “I’ll meet you in the parking lot when you’re done. Just text me.”

He nodded. “Okay.” He kissed her quickly and she handed him one of the sleeves she had taken off his arm. “Don’t seduce anybody while I’m gone.”

* * *

Jessica grabbed a red cup of beer from the table and was about to take a sip before Justin took it right out of her hand.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he put it back on the table, “what the hell did I say?” Throwing her head back, she groaned in protest.

“If I have some now I’ll be sober by midnight. I promise.” She pouted at him, hoping he would understand and he stared at her for a moment before giving in.

“Fine,” he sighed, picking the cup back up and handing it over to her. “Just… We’re not getting fucking wasted again, okay?” She nodded, sipping the beer from the plastic cup.

“Yes, I promise. My head fucking killed after my party. I’m not doing that again.” Then she laughed. “Like, people always say that drunk sex is so much fun, but what the fuck, how is it fun if I can’t remember it?” Justin laughed in agreement, and took a sip from her drink. Her face lit up and she grinned, “come on, let’s go have _fun_.”

* * *

“Good to see you guys attending,” Bryce waltzed up, a bottle in his hand, and a joint in the other. “I mean we totally fucked that game, but what a great party this is.”

“Yeah,” Jessica agreed, her arm hooked around Justin’s neck as she hung off him. “Is the hot tub off limits, or…”

Bryce smirked, “you wanna go hard tonight, Jess?” He said with a chuckle. She just grinned, looking over at Justin for agreement, but he didn’t seem to react in any way. “The party started hours ago, what took you two so long to get here?”

With a laugh, Jessica shrugged, “car sex,” she simply explained. And Bryce laughed.

“No,” Justin interrupted, looking over at Jessica with a smile, “we went out to get cake. Jess and I have a bet that when we win a football game she buys me ice cream afterwards and if the cheerleaders rile up the crowd, I buy her cake.” He shrugged. “And _then_ we had sex in her car.”

Bryce smirked, “hot,” he said. And Justin held on tighter to Jessica. “You two are so cute together. Makes me feel like I should commit to a girl, you know?” They laughed, but Justin only forced himself to smile. “But, then again, I fucking love the bachelor life. It’s freeing. I can go wherever I want, smoke weed whenever I want, have sex with _whoever_ I want.” Jessica laughed politely, too buzzed from the beer she had drunk to realise what Bryce meant. Not that she would ever have understood, Justin made sure of that. He took that pain for her, and he tried to laugh it off as his mind began to flashback to that night. “Don’t you miss that, Justin?”

“No,” he answered, and he didn’t even have to think about it.

“He goes wherever he wants, and he still smokes,” Jessica said.

“And why would I wanna have sex with anybody else?” Justin and Jessica both laughed, sharing a look, before he focused his glare back on Bryce. “Maybe you’re the problem.” Bryce only chuckled.

“Someone’s getting their dick sucked. You’re fucking whipped.” Justin and Jessica rolled their eyes at Bryce’s crude humour. “Anyway, we have pizza here tonight if you’re hungry.” Jessica’s eyes went wide.

“Where?” She asked, glancing around the house. Bryce pointed to the kitchen and Jessica grinned, looking at Justin. “Do you want some?” He shook his head and Jessica pointed to his red cup. “Not even a refill?” He glanced between Jessica and Bryce, then looked back at Jessica with a smile.

“No, I’m good. You should have some though.” She leaned in to kiss his cheek before disappearing into the crowd to find the kitchen. It had been a while since she had been to Bryce’s, even then, they hadn’t hung out in the kitchen all that much. Justin turned back to Bryce with a scowl, almost fed up with his nonchalance toward Jessica, and toward Justin. Toward that whole night. It was fucked up. Bryce just gestured for Justin to come closer as he leaned in.

“Shit, did I tell you?” He glanced around the living room as the music played. “Dad got in contact with the lawyers last week when the cops arrested that dealer guy your mom was dating. They arrested him for like possession and shit, as a dealer, and he turned in your mom as an accomplice.” Justin’s eyes widened. No one had told him this. “But the lawyers took care of it, and he’s gonna go away for a few weeks, and they’re paying him off to keep her name out of it.” Bryce frowned, as though he was putting on a disappointed performance, as though he cared. “Shit, they were gonna have her in for a heap of shit. He’d accused her of domestic violence at one point. They were gonna turn you in to child services and shit.”

“Shit, really?” Justin asked, he looked around to see if Jessica was coming back yet, she wasn’t. “But you said the lawyer took care of it?”

Bryce nodded. “Paid him off. He’s doing a few weeks in jail for possession, and dealing. Then they let him out and he keeps your mom’s name out of his mouth for good.”

Justin sighed, “that’s good. That’s… that’s really good.” He made a face. “Fuck,” he whispered under his breath, “that’s… fucked up.” Looking up at Bryce, he nodded. And he hated himself for it. “Thank you. A lot.”

Bryce nodded as if it were nothing, “of course, I’d do anything for you.” Anything except not rape his girlfriend while she was unconscious, Justin thought. When Jessica came back with a smile, she handed him a slice of pizza, interrupting the conversation but she didn’t care. She knew he didn’t care. Justin always prioritised Jessica over Bryce, and maybe that was why Bryce had done it. As punishment. But Justin wasn’t suddenly going to bend to his will, and forget about his girlfriend simply because Bryce willed it.

“I know you said you didn’t want any, but I got you some just in case.” He smiled and took the pizza slice from her.

“Good, I’m kind of hungry now.”

With a laugh she nodded. “Thought you would be.”

Bryce folded his arms across his chest. “The hot tub was gonna be off limits tonight but, I guess you two could get in.”

Jessica groaned, “but I didn’t bring a swimsuit,” she complained, pouting.

Bryce smirked, “that’s okay. You can just go in naked, Jess. It’s not like anyone would object.” He winked at her, and she moved closer to Justin, who just as worriedly, put his arm around her tighter.

“Seriously?” Justin asked him, making a face. Bryce just laughed.

“You two can’t take a fucking joke. Whatever.” He sighed. “I’ll see you guys around.” Then he turned and walked away. Justin and Jessica watched, waiting until he was far enough that they wouldn’t be heard.

Jessica leaned in to Justin, “what the fuck?” She whispered to him.

He rolled his eyes, “he’s just being an asshole.” Jessica nodded in agreement. “Don’t worry about him. He won’t bother us again tonight.” With a sigh he looked at her. “Did you still want to go in?” She shrugged. “Just wear your underwear.”

“Okay,” then she smiled, “I do wanna go skinny dipping one day, though. How fun would that be?”

* * *

Jessica giggled, “wait wait, shut the door.” She stumbled back to the bed, as Justin closed to the door behind them. They were both laughing as he came to stand by her at the side of the bed. They dropped their clothes, and their towels on the floor, spreading them wherever, they didn’t care.

“You feel okay?” He asked her, running his hand along her bare waist.

She nodded, “yeah, can we just…” She looked at him in all seriousness. “Not like my party. That was kind of rough. Can we just… do it a little more gentle?”

“Yes,” he said rather quickly, “of course. Whatever you want. And tell me if you don’t like something, okay?”

She smiled, “yeah, I know.” He kissed her a few times, and she eagerly kissed him back before laughing. “Wait,” she said, “when everyone’s like, gone, can we sneak out and maybe go skinny dipping in the pool?”

He laughed, “we can do that. If I don’t tire you out…”

She smirked, “It’s okay, I can take a nap while we wait.”


	13. Tape Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally we are at the end. and no it's not a happy ending.  
> i call this chapter my theory that if tape nine never existed that jessica and justin would have been on clay's side with wanting to do something about what happened, and owning up to what they did. I mean, throughout all of season one justin is the only one who tells the school what happened between him and hannah so much so that if you pay attention the school decides to use him as a scapegoat for hannah's suicide and take away the attention from the lawsuit. bc his mom doesn't give a shit about him, he gets hit at home, and he can't afford a good lawyer. so they tried to blame it on him but he ran away instead. anyway. i stand by jessica and justin being the most valid characters on the tapes. they had a right to be mad and protect tape 9. even clay offered to burn the tapes for jessica's sake. everyone else acts as though nothing happened, and they lie for their own selfish reasons. but jess and justin were traumatised by hannah's suicide, and did genuinely feel guilty. they just hated tape nine.  
> anyway. rant over. you can't change my mind. i stan two (2) characters on this show only. 
> 
> this chapter was incredibly difficult to write so it may not seem completely in character. it was a very difficult mindset to get into when writing this.

“Mom, what the fuck is this?” He picked up the package from the kitchen counter and looked at it, turning it over and making a face.

Amber shrugged, “I don’t know. Just showed up here. It’s for you.”

He scoffed, “who even sends actual mail these days?” He rolled his eyes and ripped open the packaging to find a box of tapes. “What the actual fuck?”

Amber was scowling, she slammed closed a cupboard and sighed. “We’re out of food,” she complained. Then she looked over at her son and the box of tapes. “No one sends mail these days. It must be important. Who is it from?” Justin checked the address on the packaging.

_Hannah Baker._

“No one, really. Just some girl at Liberty.”

Amber scoffed, “does Jane know about this?”

Justin looked at his mom and made a face, “do you mean Jessica?” Then he looked back at the box of tapes. “It’s not like that. I haven’t even talked to this girl in months.”

Amber just smirked, but she didn’t look happy about it, “only took you three months and you’re already bored. Classic.”

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. You don’t get it.” He filed through the tapes noticing that there were seven in the box. “Do you have like a tape player or something I can use?”

Amber shrugged, “I think I sold it a few weeks ago for rent money.” He scoffed, of course she sold it, but he doubted all the money went to their rent. “Those things sell for a lot.”

“Yeah, I bet.” He folded his arms and looked around the kitchen. “So what do I do?”

“Work it out,” Amber said with an eye roll and walked out of the kitchen.

* * *

_It’s Hannah. Hannah Baker._

He had to pause the tape. “What the fuck?” He whispered. Then he pressed play again, and the tape continued. She mentioned rules. She mentioned success. And Justin was confused. What was this box of tapes? He had to listen to all thirteen sides, and then he had to pass it on. Okay, he thought. Why?

_Where I threw my first party. And where I met the subject of our first tape. Justin Foley._

“What the actual fuck?” He whispered, harsher this time.

_You were in love with my best friend, Kat._

That made him laugh. He had never been in love with anybody, especially not with a girl he had dated for two months when he was fifteen. Nobody ever fell in love when they were fifteen. He wasn’t even sure he was _in_ _love_ now. No, that was a lie. Where Jessica Davis was concerned he was pretty sure this was as close as it got to love.

_Being Kat’s boyfriend was kind of the only remarkable thing about you, but Justin, you were my kryptonite._

That was the stupidest thing he had ever fucking heard. He knew Hannah wrote poetry when that poem went around Liberty before the summer break. And her metaphors hadn’t gotten any better since then, that was for sure. Kryptonite was a rather wild exaggeration for one date that he fucked up, and apologised to her over. They had barely spoken to each other in the time between that party and today. A whole year.

Then he scowled. She barely knew him, and she thought she had some right to judge him. The only remarkable thing about him. Sure, he wasn’t the smartest person at Liberty, and sure he wasn’t the nicest, or the most popular. He came close. But did Hannah Baker really have the audacity to make a judgement over his character when she barely knew him?

_I was an office assistant third period. Which meant I knew where you were third period._

So that was how she managed to run into him every Wednesday after Math when school first started back. Kind of creepy, he thought. But what the fuck was the point of this?

_I know what you’re thinking. Hannah Baker is a slut._

Why would he be thinking that?

_Did you catch that. I just said Hannah Baker is. Can’t say that anymore._

Wait, what? He stopped. He paused the tape. His heart sped up. Is that what this was? Some kind of fucked up suicide note she had left in the form of tapes? He ripped the headphones off and threw them on the table. His mind racing. Had she done it already? If he was the first tape that meant she had only just sent it out. That meant she had done it today. He saw her in the hallway this morning, so she had been alive then. Maybe she hadn’t done it yet. Maybe he could stop her. It was worth a try, wasn’t it?

But why would she do it? Is that what all thirteen tapes were? Thirteen reasons why she had done it, and he was number one. He killed a girl because he made a stupid fucking decision. Yes, he didn’t have to finish the tape to know exactly where this story was going. He hated that photo, and he hated that day, but he had never thought it was something worth dying over. What else could be on there? If that photo made it on, maybe everything made it on there. Jessica yelling at her the first day back after summer in the cafeteria. Justin had seen that, and he had never understood it. Justin and Jessica abandoning her in the hot tub at Bryce’s party. Did she count that? Was she jealous of them, like Jessica believed. Justin had never thought that. Hannah blatantly ignored him for the last six months, and that was fine. She didn’t have a reason to be jealous. Did she?

But whatever it was he would find out later. Now, he just wanted to know if that’s what this was. A suicide note. Was he being blamed for her suicide? He hoped not. He didn’t want Hannah Baker to die. Nobody wanted her to die. Every joke he had made about her over the last year had just been for a laugh, but no one was laughing now. No one was having fun. It was laughter that ended in tears. Her tears. And if she really was dead, his own. And would be followed by the tears of the next twelve people on these tapes.

* * *

Running down the staircase from the Walker’s house, Justin was stopped by Bryce at the foot of the stairs and right before the front door.

“Dude, what are you doing?” Glancing around the house, Justin shoved his phone into his pocket and finished pulling on his varsity jacket. He was scowling, thinking about how Bryce had been the one to send around the photo, not Justin. Had that photo not gone around then Justin was pretty sure Hannah Baker’s life wouldn’t be on the line now.

He yanked his arm away from Bryce’s grip. “Just somewhere I have to go. Something I have to see.” He started walking to the door. “I’ll be back, soon. Don’t touch the tape player upstairs.” Bryce held his hands up defensively. As if he was going to touch the tape player Justin had told him was for Jessica’s Spanish Language project. How he managed to come up with the lie, he had no idea. He panicked in the moment. What if the tapes had been something else from Hannah, and then Bryce had gone and told Jessica that Justin was cheating on her. Because Bryce loved to start drama and he wouldn’t hesitate to ruin Justin’s relationship with Jessica.

He ran to the Baker’s house which he knew the address of from a year ago after he had walked to school from there that one morning. The morning before he ruined everything. Justin had also wandered the streets of Evergreen many times when he had nowhere else to go, and he knew every street and every corner he had to cross to get wherever he had to go as fast as he could. See, and Hannah didn’t think he was interesting.

He halted to a stop three houses down the street from the Baker house. It was dark, and the street lights were the only source of light but he saw the emptiness of the street. The haunting feeling that hung in the air. He immediately thought the worst. Walking slower, he went down the side walk, staring at the Baker’s house. There were no lights. Nothing. It was haunted. Part of him wanted to see Hannah through the window, in a very non creepy way. To see that she was alive. And then maybe she would see him, and come outside, asking him why he was here. Then he just wanted to apologise, again. For the hundredth time for what happened that day. And to tell her he was glad she was alive. It was strange. Two hours ago Hannah Baker meant nothing to him, and maybe it was his own suicidal thoughts, his own trauma, but now all he cared about was whether she was dead or alive. Maybe it was because he felt responsible for it. If he was Tape One, that meant he started everything. She met him, and it was the beginning of the end, according to that tape. And he felt guilty. Because then maybe when he met Jessica, it was the beginning of the end for her too.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Justin spun around and came face to face with Tony Padilla.

“Tony?” He blinked, then he realised he was asked a question. “I’m just…” He glanced back at the Baker’s house, then at Tony. “Nothing. I’m just out for a walk.”

Tony was scowling, he looked traumatised. “She’s dead. Is that what you came to see? Because you just missed it.” He folded his arms over his chest. “They took her body out in a bag and everything. Her parents were there. The whole neighbourhood was there.”

“Fuck.” Justin could have cried, but it didn’t feel real. He didn’t feel anything. Just guilt. But he had felt that for a long time, and now it had cost him someone’s life. He wondered if he would feel like this if he hadn’t heard the tape. But there were still another twelve to listen to.

“I’m not giving you the tape,” Tony told him into the silence.

Justin blinked. “What? You know about the tapes?” He stared for a moment. “You have the second box. Right?” Tony’s brows went up, he was surprised how easily Justin had guessed it.

“Right. I’m still not giving you the tape.”

Justin shrugged. “What tape? I don’t want my tape.”

Tony sighed, staring intently. “Your second tape.”

His heart stopped.

“I have a second tape?”

“Yes. What? Wait, where are you on the tapes?”

“Mine. I… It took me a bit to realise what she meant. And I thought… I thought…”

“That you could stop it?” He nodded. “Yeah, I thought so too.”

Justin frowned, he didn’t know what to say. “She was your friend. I’m sorry.”

Tony looked like he could have laughed. “You have no idea how sorry you’re going to be.” What the fuck did that mean? “Finish the tapes. Send them on. You owe it to her.”

Justin nodded. “Yeah, I mean… I will.” Neither of them moved. “You know I didn’t mean it. To hurt her, I mean. I never thought this would happen.”

Tony sighed. “I don’t think anybody did.”

* * *

He listened to Jessica’s tape. And maybe it was because he knew Jessica better than he knew Hannah, or because he loved Jessica, and she was incapable of doing any wrong in his eyes, but he didn’t understand why she was on here. Why he had to send these tapes on to Jessica, and let her feel the blame for a suicide because their friendship fell apart. A friendship that fell apart over something Alex did, and that Jessica was a victim of.

Then he listened to Tape Three. Alex’s tape. He knew Alex wrote those names on there, he knew what it had done to Jessica and he knew why Alex had done it. He fucking wished that was on the tape too. Imagine if Justin had shown that photo, or even sent it out, because Hannah _refused_ to have sex with him. That was low, and it deserved to be acknowledged. But Hannah didn’t know that. Only Jessica and Justin did, and possibly other people that Jessica had told. And Jessica didn’t know Hannah and Alex had never actually slept together. That it was all a lie. That Jessica had ended her friendship with Hannah over a lie that Alex had let her believe. Jessica needed to hear these tapes, but Justin wondered if it would hurt her more than it would let her mourn the death of someone she had considered her friend. Blaming her for something that wasn’t her fault. It was Alex’s.

Tape Four came next. Tyler Down. Someone Justin had never even spoken to, and once again it was a complete repeat of Alex’s tape. Except this time it was Hannah who had rejected someone, and Tyler who decided to get revenge. And it was creepy. The whole tape was creepy to hear. That someone was actually capable of stalking, and taking photos of someone like that.

Then came Tape Five. Courtney Crimsen was gay. If she was so afraid to admit it back then, he wondered if she would admit it now once she heard the tapes.

Tape Six was Marcus Cole. When Justin, Bryce, Zach and Alex had challenged him to go out with Hannah Baker for Dollar Valentines, Justin had never meant for it to go like that. He thought of Marcus coming back to school the next day and telling them all how she was DTF, but eventually he didn’t want to lose it to someone who was probably carrying something. Of course he never told the truth. Why was Liberty High full of creeps, perverts and rapists? Otherwise, everyone was just an asshole, and yes, Justin thought he was included in that list.

Tape Seven was Zach. Justin rolled his eyes at the tape. Justin knew Zach had a crush on Hannah, but he didn’t know that was how Zach went about it. Nobody knew. And Justin never knew that note in communications class was from Hannah. Nobody knew. Nobody except Zach. He just wished Zach had come to him about it, rather than doing that. Who the fuck steals notes from someone as revenge for being rejected? Why was everyone at Liberty so afraid of rejection? And from Hannah Baker of all people.

Tape Eight was Ryan Shaver. And Justin almost wanted to skip the tape, he just wanted to know when his second tape came in like Tony said. But, Justin almost felt bad for Ryan having to hear these tapes when all he had done was publish a stupid poem. It wasn’t Ryan’s fault the poem was bad, or not even bad, just strange. It wasn’t Ryan’s fault that people bullied her. He didn’t know that would be the outcome. Just like when Justin had shown that photo to Bryce, he didn’t know what would come out of it. He didn’t know that girls got bullied, and called sluts for something he got paraded around for. He didn’t know, and he didn’t understand.

Then there was Tape 9. And Justin could barely get through it, but he had to. As much as he hated Hannah for it. Not because she had killed herself, no, he felt sympathy for everything he had caused her to go through, and everything the others had done to her. He hated her for putting a tape on here that would ruin Jessica’s life, and she wanted not only Jessica to hear it, but apparently Bryce too, and apparently she also wanted another eleven strangers to hear it as well. All these people that Justin had judged for their part in these tapes were going to hear Hannah blame him for Jessica getting raped. And he also hated that Hannah had been in that room, and that she had done nothing. That she blamed him for being behind that locked door, and she couldn’t understand that he was just as traumatised. He hated her for never telling him, because she was their last chance to take Bryce down since Jessica didn’t remember, and Justin wasn’t a proper witness. And he hated her for wanting ruin Jessica’s life. It wasn’t enough to ruin her own, and end her own. Now she wanted to do the same to Jessica. He had to fix this. He just wasn’t sure how.

Then he pushed himself to go on. Tape Ten was Sheri Holland, and Justin liked Sheri. A lot. She was nice to him. They were Spring Workout Partners. But Tape Ten was tragic, and Sheri had made a mistake that resulted in something terrible. Just like he had. So no, he couldn’t hate her for it. He felt bad for her, knowing everybody would hear the tape and know she was responsible, but not knowing how much guilt something like that racked up. Well, now they knew, because Hannah had killed herself over it.

He should have skipped Tape Eleven. He barely knew Clay Jensen, but he knew that Clay would be a problem in the long run _if_ the tapes got that far. But he felt some compassion for Clay having to listen to all these tapes thinking he was a killer, when in reality he wasn’t. Well, he probably was. He had to have done something to Hannah over the last year. Thought something, said something. There was no way he was more innocent than anybody else on these tapes, or anybody else at Liberty. It wasn’t solely the people on the tapes that killed Hannah Baker. It was Liberty High that killed her. And that was tragic.

Tape Twelve was terrifying. And he didn’t think he could ever look at Bryce the same way. Of course, he had never been able to look at him the same since Jessica’s party. This was worse. And somehow Justin felt responsible for it. First Jessica, now Hannah. Sadly Hannah had been conscious. That was terrifying in itself. Bryce got more and more awful.

Tape Thirteen detailed how Mr Porter failed Hannah, and in failing Hannah he failed everybody. If Justin was the beginning, then Porter was the end. And it was tragic. And she deserved better.

But Bryce Walker raped Hannah Baker, just like he raped Jessica. And Hannah Baker killed herself because she couldn’t go on anymore. And maybe that was Justin’s fault. Had he turned Bryce in at the end of summer then he wouldn’t have had the freedom to continue acting like what he was doing was okay. Then again, Justin put no faith in the justice system. There was no valid proof for what happened to Jessica that night, and Bryce’s lawyers had never lost a case. Jessica couldn’t remember, and Justin was not a witness, and Bryce would never plead guilty.

But now Justin knew that there was a witness. Hannah Baker, and she was dead. If she had come to him in the first place, maybe everything would have been different. Maybe if she had tried to tell Jessica then everything would have been different. Instead she made a tape, and she blamed it all on Justin, who blamed himself as well. She made a fucking tape and put it with twelve others and threatened to make it public if Justin and Jessica didn’t let another eleven people hear it, including Jessica’s rapist himself. What the fuck?

Hannah Baker was raped and she killed herself because the school, and Mr Porter, failed her. Who was to say they wouldn’t fail Jessica as well. Who was to say Jessica wouldn’t be completely ruined by what Bryce had done to her? To know not only that she was raped in her own bed, but that Justin knew and had let Bryce get away with it. No he wasn’t proud of it, and he would have killed Bryce if he could. But he cared more about Jessica than he did anybody else. And he cared more about her than he did Hannah Baker. She was dead because nobody could help her, and Jessica was alive and she needed to stay that way. He couldn’t lose another person in his life. Jessica was all he had left, and even then, that was tarnished. He had lost mother to her addiction long before she could ever love him. He had lost Bryce to his own psychopathy and privilege. He had lost himself to his own pain, and he couldn’t lose Jessica to hers. He couldn’t let her become like him. But he did owe it to Hannah, and he owed it to Jessica not to let the tapes go public. So he had to send them on.

* * *

He left Bryce’s house, not even saying goodbye. He couldn’t even look at Bryce let alone speak to him. He took the box of tapes to Jessica’s house, he climbed up to her window with them and he knocked on the glass. She was sitting there, at her desk. When she opened the window he handed her the box, and she could tell that he looked traumatised.

“Call me when you finish them,” was all he could say. And then he left. He walked home, waiting and waiting for his phone to go off. And it did. Once. Not long after he left her house.

 _Is she really gone?_ Was Jessica’s message to him. _Yeah_. He responded, and his heart hurt to send it. He wanted to be there when she found out. In person. Like when she found out other things. He didn’t want her to find out through a text message. Or a tape.

He walked until he got home, and it wasn’t until almost midnight that she called him. She had finished. He had been sitting on his bed, waiting. He didn’t move. He didn’t eat. He just sat and waited for his phone to ring. Picking it up and swiping across Jessica’s caller ID, he held the phone up to his ear.

“What the fuck,” was the first thing she said, and he could tell she was still crying. “ _What the fuck_.”

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly, he wasn’t even sure she could hear him.

“Fuck you,” she snapped, “no, I’m _not_ okay.” She went silent over the phone, and he didn’t know what to say. “Can I come over?” She asked.

“Jess, it’s midnight,” he said.

“Please?” She whispered, and he sighed.

“I’ll meet you half way,” he decided. “At the diner.”

“Thanks. You know I hate that place after dark.” He knew, because from there onwards was the old apartments and the abandoned park where the dealers and hookers hung out after dark, and Justin had never let Jessica make the trip alone. Especially not after dark. And that was why she drove, but she couldn’t do that after midnight when her parents could find out.

“I’ll see you in ten.”

He met her at the diner, he got there first and waited a few minutes before she eventually showed. She only had to walk a few friendly neighbourhood streets but that didn’t put him at any ease. There was a local dealer down the street from the diner that Justin had passed, trying his best not to make eye contact, and a couple of thugs with tattoos that reminded him of Seth.

“You made it,” she said, shoving her phone into the pocket of her jacket. She had the box of tapes in her hands. Her eyes were wet, and her face red. She was almost glaring at him from what he could see in the street light.

“I’ll walk you,” he said, gesturing back the way he had come. And she nodded, stepping up beside him as they walked back down the street. When they got to the dealer, and the thugs, she reached out to hold his hand and he was glad she hadn’t walked alone. Not that he would be able to do that much, right? But he had connections with one of Evergreen’s biggest dealers. They wouldn’t hurt him.

“So Alex, huh?” She glanced over at him as they walked. “What a dick.”

He nodded. “Yeah. That was fucked up.”

“And Tyler, and Zach. And fucking Marcus.” She scoffed. “Do you think it’s true?” Yes, he wanted to say. He had no doubt that most of the things on those tapes were true. Tape Twelve he didn’t even want to think about.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “What do you think?” There was a silence. Both of them were avoiding the conversation, but it would have to happen eventually.

“I don’t think Courtney’s gay. I saw her throwing herself at Monty at the Winter Formal.” Then Jessica tilted her head. “Maybe she’s bisexual.” Then Jessica frowned. “Well, if she is gay, it’s pretty cruel of Hannah to out her like that.”

“I know right.” Then he shrugged. “But if that story is true, it’s not like she doesn’t have it coming.” To that Jessica agreed.

“Still,” Jessica said quietly, “some of the shit on those tapes is private.” She wiped a tear away from under her eye. “I can’t believe she’s dead.” Jessica sighed into the silence between them. “Was Hannah telling the truth on your second tape? Did that really happen?”

“No,” he answered, before he could even think about it. “No, that’s not what happened. She was drunk. She had no idea what she saw.”

Jessica scowled. “So what didn’t she see?”

“It was us. There was no other guy. Nobody did anything to you.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m telling you the truth. Don’t you remember waking up in your bed, under the covers. The door was locked. How could anyone have gotten in and done anything like that to you?”

Jessica sighed gently. “I guess you’re right.”

“We were both wasted. We hooked up, and both passed out afterwards. I woke up first, and I had to go home so I locked the door. No one else would have come in. No one else would have done anything while I was with you.”

She stared at the ground. “Yeah. That makes sense. But why would she lie?”

Justin shrugged, because she didn’t lie. She didn't know the whole story, she didn't know he tried to stop Bryce, and she didn't know that he never "let" Bryce into that room. But that’s not to say what she did wasn’t wrong. If he admitted to that, then Jessica knew she was violated, and she couldn't know that. It would destroy her. “She was depressed, and she didn’t want to live. She was just grasping at straws to blame it on other people instead of just moving on with life like the rest of us. She was jealous.” Then he frowned, his anger getting the best of him. “I mean, if she really cared about you Jess, and if that shit really happened, why would she put in on here? Why would she send it to strangers? If she really was raped herself, she would know how horrific that is a story to make up, and why would she send it out to people, when she could have told you herself?”

Jessica looked out over the street, taking in his words. “Yeah, I mean, you’re right. It’s fucked up. She’s just antagonising me at this point. I _never_ slapped her. I had reasons for ending our friendship that she didn’t know, and even then, I tried to be nice to her but she shut me down every time. She was just jealous.” She knitted her fingers together over the box of tapes. “What do we do with these?” She asked. “We can’t send them on. People can’t know about that tape. It could look really bad for you, and for me.”

He shook his head. “We have to. Tony fucking Padilla has a copy of them, and he doesn’t seem interested in your privacy. He’s in this for himself. And he’s gonna send them public if we don’t send them on.” Justin wished he had gotten the ninth tape from Tony. But Tony didn’t care about Jessica, or anybody except himself and a dead girl. He was willing to fuck everyone else’s life in the interest of a dead girl, who it wouldn’t benefit at all.

“Fuck.” Jessica frowned. “We should just tell people that it’s not true. They’ll believe you. I mean, I wonder how much of their tapes are true?”

Justin nodded. “Exactly… and she is dead. It kind of feels like the decent thing to do.”

“What about Clay Jensen? Tape, like, Eleven, or whatever.”

Justin made a face. “What about Jensen?”

Jessica frowned, looking at her feet. “Justin, he’s not like everyone else on those tapes. He’s not gonna keep quiet. We’ll be dealing with him and Tony, as we’re trying to keep this shit quiet.”

Justin shrugged. “It might not even make it to Clay. Who knows what the others are gonna do. They just gotta keep quiet about it. That’s how all this shit will go away.” He looked over at her. “This isn’t gonna get out, okay? Don’t worry about it. Just let me deal with it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you muchly for reading. i know it wasn't my best work. and i got lazy by the end. but thank you :) please leave a comment, or a kudos or whatever. i really appreciate it.


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